Stop forcing your kids to play team sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that 90% of this is the coach's job. If the kid is being disrespectful (which includes not trying, attitude, disinterest, distractedness), you pull them off the field and send them to their parents. Tell the parents why (or tell the kid to tell the parents). If the parents don't want to do anything about it and/or the kid doesn't shape up on his/her own, the kid doesn't get to play in the game again. If the kid does this in practice, you send them home or make them run laps. End of story.

I think this can be tough for a coach because it's often a parent volunteer who has to interact with that other parent at school, other activities, etc. Kicking a kid off the field and telling the parent that they need to do something about the kid's behavior can end up having social consequences beyond just the team, which sucks for the coaching parent. Also, some rec leagues have rules that rec coaches can't bench players unless they've gone through a whole disciplinary process with the league, which can get really ugly. Finally, even if you can get permission from your league to bench a player, what happens if the team ends up short a player at that game? Do you let the benched player play anyway (and undermine your discipline)? Play down a man and let the whole team suffer?

Ugh, this sucks. Sounds like paid coaches are an excellent solution. Why can't they raise the fees (and supplement for lower income kids when necessary) and hire somebody?

Problem then is you get parents with an overinflated sense of entitlement and suddenly you can’t say anything to their kids because “they pay you.” Just look at the mess that is VYS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that 90% of this is the coach's job. If the kid is being disrespectful (which includes not trying, attitude, disinterest, distractedness), you pull them off the field and send them to their parents. Tell the parents why (or tell the kid to tell the parents). If the parents don't want to do anything about it and/or the kid doesn't shape up on his/her own, the kid doesn't get to play in the game again. If the kid does this in practice, you send them home or make them run laps. End of story.

This is what a coach tried to do, and the parent threatened him with a lawsuit. Obviously, the guy was just posturing but the coach was very upset by it. Some parents just suck.

[Anonymous]

My kid decided she wasn’t a swimmer and would sit on the edge of the pool shivering. We moved on to another sport. If the shoe don’t fit, try another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think that 90% of this is the coach's job. If the kid is being disrespectful (which includes not trying, attitude, disinterest, distractedness), you pull them off the field and send them to their parents. Tell the parents why (or tell the kid to tell the parents). If the parents don't want to do anything about it and/or the kid doesn't shape up on his/her own, the kid doesn't get to play in the game again. If the kid does this in practice, you send them home or make them run laps. End of story.

This is what a coach tried to do, and the parent threatened him with a lawsuit. Obviously, the guy was just posturing but the coach was very upset by it. Some parents just suck.

Yea, it’s very unfortunate. I’ve had a parent do this to me, I called their bluff and worked with our manager and TD to have the parent banned from coming to team events. Sometimes you choose the parents, and usually not the players’ fault. They learned the questionable behavior from someone, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you shouldn't force it after age 7, IMO. Before then is fine so they can try various sports and see what they may like or be good at. Before age 8, most teams sports are watered-down versions anyway. In soccer they pretty much just all chase the ball and you have the random kids who just plop down for a rest right in the middle of the pitch. In baseball, they still have a pitching machine or coach pitching. In flag football, it's pretty much just run after the person with the ball. Lacrosse is a mixture of running around and sword fighting with their sticks.

Second grade, age 8, is when you start to see the kids really getting serious about the sport. They start learning the positions, plays, more rules, etc.

So in your opinion if a child wants to try a new sport at age 8 or older, they should just stay home if they're not already up to speed and serious about it.

I truly loathe what youth sports has become. It SUCKS for the kids.

I totally agree. The expectations are ridiculous. A fourth-grader should be able to try out a new sport. Not everyone has to be "serious" about elementary-school soccer or whatever. There really should be a space for kids who just want to learn to play a game and have fun.

I agree. What about the ones who are only there because a parent said they had to be? The ones who pick grass or whatever else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you shouldn't force it after age 7, IMO. Before then is fine so they can try various sports and see what they may like or be good at. Before age 8, most teams sports are watered-down versions anyway. In soccer they pretty much just all chase the ball and you have the random kids who just plop down for a rest right in the middle of the pitch. In baseball, they still have a pitching machine or coach pitching. In flag football, it's pretty much just run after the person with the ball. Lacrosse is a mixture of running around and sword fighting with their sticks.

Second grade, age 8, is when you start to see the kids really getting serious about the sport. They start learning the positions, plays, more rules, etc.

So in your opinion if a child wants to try a new sport at age 8 or older, they should just stay home if they're not already up to speed and serious about it.

I truly loathe what youth sports has become. It SUCKS for the kids.

I totally agree. The expectations are ridiculous. A fourth-grader should be able to try out a new sport. Not everyone has to be "serious" about elementary-school soccer or whatever. There really should be a space for kids who just want to learn to play a game and have fun.

I agree. What about the ones who are only there because a parent said they had to be? The ones who pick grass or whatever else.

You gotta find a way to cut them or make sure they don’t come back for another season, for the players’ own good. I’ve had players who didn’t even like soccer show up for a TRAVEL team try-out, because their parents were forcing them. Poor kid kept asking for bathroom breaks, would rather hide in the porta-potty than go through the rigors of the try-out. It’s just cruel and unusual punishment and I wish some parents would actually get a clue and get to KNOW their kids, what they like and what they don’t, rather than just force stuff onto them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a kid on my sons soccer team who shows up to practice in jeans and basically just picks grass all the time. I have no idea why he’s there or why his parents think it’s a good experience for him. It’s really sad.

So you would prefer for them to have a son that does not play sports?

And what is wrong with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a 9 year old on my son's baseball team (kids are 9 and 10) who is absolutely terrified of getting hit by the ball. He stands in the back corner of the box and as soon as the pitcher releases the ball he backs out. He looks terrified and miserable. His first 20 at bats he never even swung the bat. He finally swung once with his eyes closed after his dad promised him $20 to swing. I heard his dad talking about signing him up again next year because this is the only sport he plays. Why, just why?

With a helmet on how could you know his eyes were closed?

I am scorekeeper for our team so I sit in booth right behind home plate and umpire that is slightly elevated. I have the best view of game. I can see if a kid turns their head away from ball away from pitcher towards me. This league starts kid pitch for age 7 and 8, by the 9/10 division kids have been facing kid pitchers for the past 2 to 3 years. They are wilder at age 7/8. Several kids are afraid particularly with some of the faster throwing pitchers and several bail out. But it can be the tinest kid throwing soft rainbows and this kid still backs out and sighs in relief after not getting hit and has to take deep breaths. Baseball is different than other team sports like soccer because when you come up to bat everything stops and every player and every parent is watching you. Not every kid wants that attention particularly if you have really poor hand eye coordination/ depth perception. The kids on the team ask him why he plays because he doesn't pay attention in the outfield, doesn't listen to the directions the coaches give, and clearly doesn't want to be there. He says because his dad wants him to play.

[Anonymous]

Even if your kid is at practice or a game, you are still the parent. Pay attention and expect good behavior from your kid. If your kid is not listening, not studying on task, climbing the fences, etc SAY something. If not for nothing say something during the water breaks.

But the same should be said for the parents of the ball hog kids. Expect better and help them see they are part of a team.

[Anonymous]

I agree that people shouldn’t force kids to play if they truly don’t want to (new book The Self Driven Child is great for explaining why to give kids more control over decisions even if you think they are making mistakes), but I mostly am appalled by parents who think their kids are so special they only should be playing with other elites. If other kids on team are screwing around, let the coach deal. Some kids develop later and need encouragement. And teaching your kid to be patient and respectful when other kids are goofing off is a life lesson.

[Anonymous]

RantingSoccerDad wrote:Disruptive behavior is the biggest problem by far. Parents often don't want to face it, even at the early ages when they're attending practice.

I had an entire season of U10 practice that consisted of breaking up fights started by a pair of twins that simply would not stop. I had no assistant coach, and I couldn't get more parents to show up for practice just to help separate them from each other and other players.

In retrospect, I should've called the commissioner and begged him to refund that family's money and tell them not to show up any more.

The daisy-picking? The unwillingness to play hard? If it's rec soccer, you roll with it. Treat yourself to a beer after the game. If it's travel or any sort of supplemental training program for which parents expect kids to be developed, that's a different story.

But maybe, coach, when you're holding tryouts, take such things into consideration, OK? If you just take a bunch of kids who show off at a cattle-call tryout, and you know nothing else about them, what do you expect?

I like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you shouldn't force it after age 7, IMO. Before then is fine so they can try various sports and see what they may like or be good at. Before age 8, most teams sports are watered-down versions anyway. In soccer they pretty much just all chase the ball and you have the random kids who just plop down for a rest right in the middle of the pitch. In baseball, they still have a pitching machine or coach pitching. In flag football, it's pretty much just run after the person with the ball. Lacrosse is a mixture of running around and sword fighting with their sticks.

Second grade, age 8, is when you start to see the kids really getting serious about the sport. They start learning the positions, plays, more rules, etc.

So in your opinion if a child wants to try a new sport at age 8 or older, they should just stay home if they're not already up to speed and serious about it.

I truly loathe what youth sports has become. It SUCKS for the kids.

I totally agree. The expectations are ridiculous. A fourth-grader should be able to try out a new sport. Not everyone has to be "serious" about elementary-school soccer or whatever. There really should be a space for kids who just want to learn to play a game and have fun.

I agree. What about the ones who are only there because a parent said they had to be? The ones who pick grass or whatever else.

You gotta find a way to cut them or make sure they don’t come back for another season, for the players’ own good. I’ve had players who didn’t even like soccer show up for a TRAVEL team try-out, because their parents were forcing them. Poor kid kept asking for bathroom breaks, would rather hide in the porta-potty than go through the rigors of the try-out. It’s just cruel and unusual punishment and I wish some parents would actually get a clue and get to KNOW their kids, what they like and what they don’t, rather than just force stuff onto them.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually will just bench them and if the parents want to argue about it I’ll make sure that they know it is entirely due to their players’ attitude. Usually they shape up immediately, and if they want to keep arguing about it then they’re not people you want on your team to begin with.

Maybe repeatedly benching the kid will clue in the parents who register Johnny and Susie regardless of interest.