Stop forcing your kids to play team sports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just pulled my 6 year old from an activity that he wasn't enjoying and wasn't getting anything out of. He explained why he didn't like it and his reasons made sense. What is the point of forcing a child to do something (which is supposed to be fun) that makes him miserable?

Sometimes you have to stick it out but if your child hates baseball or soccer or whatever, take the time to find a healthy activity that he or she doesn't hate.

I would still make my kid finish it out. Teaches them to stick with something through to the end even if they don't like it. That's a life lesson. I tell my kids to make the most/best of a situation. Half the battle is mental and attitude. You go in with a bad attitude, you most likely won't get anything out of it. You go in with a more positive attitude, chances are, you will get something out of it. My parents didn't teach me this lesson, and I regret not sticking out with things when I was younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a kid on my sons soccer team who shows up to practice in jeans and basically just picks grass all the time. I have no idea why he’s there or why his parents think it’s a good experience for him. It’s really sad.

So you would prefer for them to have a son that does not play sports?

There are dozens of things that kids can take an interest in. It sports does not interest them, it does not interest them. Focus on what does interest them.

Agree with last PP. Parents should be assessing if their kid ENJOYS the sport and WANTS to be there. If he/she doesn't enjoy the sport, find a different sport or a non-sport activity. Parents should teach kids to pursue their passions (NOT THE PARENTS' PASSIONS) from a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a kid on my sons soccer team who shows up to practice in jeans and basically just picks grass all the time. I have no idea why he’s there or why his parents think it’s a good experience for him. It’s really sad.

So you would prefer for them to have a son that does not play sports?

It seems like they do have a son who doesn't play sports, they just don't want to admit it. So, yes, I would prefer that they acknowledge their son's interests and find something he wants to do. Having a son who doesn't play sports is not something shameful.

DP.. my son is not athletic, but I make him play a sport because he needs the physical activity. I gave him choices, and told him that a team sport would be better because at least he could socialize a bit. He's done all kinds of individual sport.

I used to not push him to sports and let him choose his activities, but that ended up with zero activities, and him on his butt all day either playing on the computer or other sedentary activities. I decided it was time to step in. Plus, he was getting really out of shape. He's doing a sport he used to hate, but he's enjoying it a bit more now even though he's still not good at it. I think it helps that he is able to socialize with some of the boys.

[Anonymous]

This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.

Goalie is the most difficult spot. bless them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.

I'm sorry that happened to you. That other parent sucks. Even non ADHD 5/6 yr olds lose attention on the field. Heck, my 12 yr old sometimes loses focus on the field when the ball doesn't go near him for some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a kid on my sons soccer team who shows up to practice in jeans and basically just picks grass all the time. I have no idea why he’s there or why his parents think it’s a good experience for him. It’s really sad.

So you would prefer for them to have a son that does not play sports?

He's not exactlly playing a sport if he's picking the grass, is he? Perhaps a sport he actually enjoys would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're actually going to parent them about being a good teammate. When your kid is out there screwing around and derailing practices and games no matter what the coach does and you sit on the sidelines looking on disinterestedly, your kid is ruining for everyone else and all you're doing is confirming for him that it's okay to be a selfish, shitty teammate. Man up and parent or let them quit.

How about you man up and tell your kid that THAT'S HOW THE WORLD IS. Everything's not going to be perfectly catered to their liking. Everyone's not going to be totally committed in collaborative efforts.
Your kid's gonna experience this in sports...in group projects at school...in the workplace...in family endeavors when it come to planning parties and reunions and funerals. You go ahead and convince your kid that selfish, shitty teammates are an aberration that can be easily alleviated by simply telling mommy or daddy that so-and-so isn't doing their fair share and you're gonna see that later in life it's YOUR kid who's running around acting like a spoiled brat - just like the ones you're complaining about in these formative years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.

Goalie is the most difficult spot. bless them all.

What league has goalies in kindergarten? The ones we've participated in don't start goalies until third grade.

[Anonymous]

This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.


Goalie is the most difficult spot. bless them all.

What league has goalies in kindergarten? The ones we've participated in don't start goalies until third grade.

I was thinking the same thing. OP, it may be that whatever league your child was in was not developmentally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just pulled my 6 year old from an activity that he wasn't enjoying and wasn't getting anything out of. He explained why he didn't like it and his reasons made sense. What is the point of forcing a child to do something (which is supposed to be fun) that makes him miserable?

Sometimes you have to stick it out but if your child hates baseball or soccer or whatever, take the time to find a healthy activity that he or she doesn't hate.

I would still make my kid finish it out. Teaches them to stick with something through to the end even if they don't like it. That's a life lesson. I tell my kids to make the most/best of a situation. Half the battle is mental and attitude. You go in with a bad attitude, you most likely won't get anything out of it. You go in with a more positive attitude, chances are, you will get something out of it. My parents didn't teach me this lesson, and I regret not sticking out with things when I was younger.

I agree. We generally do make him stick it out. He had to finish gymnastics, which was a physically hard class, had to get over the hump in skating/hockey when it got tough, etc. However, this class, which was a once a week afterschool class (he got pulled out of SACC for it) that was supposed to be fun, wasn't fun for him and his main objection was that he was bored senseless (which was my worry when I signed him up - I thought that it might be too easy). It's a good sport, but the class wasn't the right level. Why make him suffer, make him learn to hate the sport, and have the coaches deal with a kid who clearly wanted to be back at SACC? Blanket rules are easy but I think that parents have to look at each situation separately - especially when it comes to team sports where other kids are affected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I don't sign my son with ADHD up for team sports. Once when he was in kindergarten, he was a soccer goalie and took his attention off of the ball for a second- the other team scored. Another parent became extremely upset because kindergarten rec soccer is so important that he thought it was appropriate to begin criticizing a six year old in front of his mom all of the other parents.

Goalie is the most difficult spot. bless them all.

What league has goalies in kindergarten? The ones we've participated in don't start goalies until third grade.

Agree. We had those little pop up goals in K and no goalie and no keeping score.

[Anonymous]

Could OP clarify what it means to be a selfish, shitty teammate? Because some of the responses on here seem to say that it means not being good enough or being easily distracted. Are we mad at these kids/parents because what they're doing is bad for the kid, or because the kid is making them lose the game?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you're actually going to parent them about being a good teammate. When your kid is out there screwing around and derailing practices and games no matter what the coach does and you sit on the sidelines looking on disinterestedly, your kid is ruining for everyone else and all you're doing is confirming for him that it's okay to be a selfish, shitty teammate. Man up and parent or let them quit.

How about you man up and tell your kid that THAT'S HOW THE WORLD IS. Everything's not going to be perfectly catered to their liking. Everyone's not going to be totally committed in collaborative efforts.
Your kid's gonna experience this in sports...in group projects at school...in the workplace...in family endeavors when it come to planning parties and reunions and funerals. You go ahead and convince your kid that selfish, shitty teammates are an aberration that can be easily alleviated by simply telling mommy or daddy that so-and-so isn't doing their fair share and you're gonna see that later in life it's YOUR kid who's running around acting like a spoiled brat - just like the ones you're complaining about in these formative years.

Wow, you're projecting a lot here. I don't say anything to my kid about it other than to sympathize after a game when he laments a stop he missed because he was pulling double-duty on defense when his co-defender was simply watching the ball go by instead of actually playing. Other than that I don't say a word, because he's learning the rest of what you said through experience.

I don't need the kids on the team to be good, I just want them to try so they're not affirmatively hurting their team by making them effectively play down a player. I don't care if your kid whiffs 99% of the time he tries to kick the ball, I'll call to him that it was a good try and then cheer like crazy when he eventually makes contact. But they should be trying. People like to talk big games about how they make their kids play a team sport so they learn teamwork, but the kid who's freeloading off everyone else's efforts without his parents correcting him is learning the wrong lessons about teamwork, especially in a rec league where the coaches are limited in their ability to bench players or otherwise impose consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a 9 year old on my son's baseball team (kids are 9 and 10) who is absolutely terrified of getting hit by the ball. He stands in the back corner of the box and as soon as the pitcher releases the ball he backs out. He looks terrified and miserable. His first 20 at bats he never even swung the bat. He finally swung once with his eyes closed after his dad promised him $20 to swing. I heard his dad talking about signing him up again next year because this is the only sport he plays. Why, just why?

They're 9. They're learning. Sounds like he's made progress. I agree that parents should do something if their kid is misbehaving (what the pp describes is not that) but I disagree that kids who don't have it all together at 9 shouldn't even be there. Geesh.

The kid hasn't made progress, his fear is cemented in now. Last game the umpire had to repeatedly tell him to keep both feet in the batters box because he tried to put one for outside to start with. The kid shouldn't be playing baseball. Maybe golf would be a better sport for him since the ball doesn't move. I think the parent is torturing his kid who clearly doesn't want to play baseball. If it were the first games of the season it would be one thing but the season is ending where we live. I have a fear of horses. I took 3 lessons and every lesson my fears grew. If I were made to go be near horses twice a week, I would be miserable.and no way would Inwant to do it the following year. Not every kid needs to play team sports

I somewhat agree with you, but I do think that unless it really interrupts your and your son's lifestyles, you need to let people work their own issues. I had a child who was deathly afraid of baseball too granted it was nowhere as bad as the kid you are describing. We kept at it, and after 3 seasons, something just click and he is finally pretty decent at it.