"deeply in love"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Much of this seems more like sexual attraction than “deeply in love.” I hear the latter phrase used mostly by people who have left their first spouses for someone new, though, so maybe I’m jaded.

I'm surprised that is what you're reading into it. I feel like that is not it at all, it has almost nothing to do with sex. Sex is more a manifestation of it or a way to feel it in a more undiluted way but it is not sexual attraction.

It is just feeling 100% at ease and at one with another person. I feel completely accepted and completely accepting, and it is much more that those things are in the way I think and communicate and act than between the sheets.

I think what you are describing is initial relationship infatuation, that is a cousin of this feeling but not the same thing.

I was also surprised by the earlier comment. I feel super lucky to have met my DH and like others, I don't like to talk about how in love we are because no one else really gets it. My SIL mocks how affectionate DH is towards me, but her marriage was openly one of timing - I think after feeling what I've felt for the DH...I could never go that route. It's not just the sex, but it's this bond that you can't shake.

I almost never talk about my marriage but tons of people say to me how happy we seem to be - which thankfully is true. It might simply be that I never say anything negative about my DH. Also, the fact that he seems to really enjoy playing golf with me (and I'm lousy) amazes my GF's and I'm sure his guy friends.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I was reading this as a lot of sexual attraction, too, but not exclusively.

I'm enjoying the conversation, though.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it would help if all of us deeply in love people paired it with some explanation of our frequency of sex? It just really feels more like the sex is good because of the love, not the other way around. At least for us.

We are once every 7-10 days. It is always enjoyable, I do not always orgasm, this isn't DH's fault. We have two young kids but our frequency has remained the same since about our second year of dating. And it is constant, even through two post partum periods of weeks of no sex.

We are VERY consistently physically affectionate with one another though throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it would help if all of us deeply in love people paired it with some explanation of our frequency of sex? It just really feels more like the sex is good because of the love, not the other way around. At least for us.

We are once every 7-10 days. It is always enjoyable, I do not always orgasm, this isn't DH's fault. We have two young kids but our frequency has remained the same since about our second year of dating. And it is constant, even through two post partum periods of weeks of no sex.

We are VERY consistently physically affectionate with one another though throughout the day.

We are "seniors" and have sex at least once and often twice a week and have been for many years. Are we deeply in love? Deeply is just not a word we use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it would help if all of us deeply in love people paired it with some explanation of our frequency of sex? It just really feels more like the sex is good because of the love, not the other way around. At least for us.

We are once every 7-10 days. It is always enjoyable, I do not always orgasm, this isn't DH's fault. We have two young kids but our frequency has remained the same since about our second year of dating. And it is constant, even through two post partum periods of weeks of no sex.

We are VERY consistently physically affectionate with one another though throughout the day.

We are "seniors" and have sex at least once and often twice a week and have been for many years. Are we deeply in love? Deeply is just not a word we use.

You tell me: are you deeply in love? Regardless of the words you use, you know if you are in love or not. Or if you don't know ... you aren't.

We have sex 2-3 times per week but based on these definitions (and my own sense) I know I am not, nor have I ever been, deeply in love with my husband. Sex doesn't determine if you are deeply in love.

[Anonymous]

Why are people bringing sex into this? Ours has absolutely nothing to do with sex. And I speak for dh too. I wouldn't say our love is deepest right after sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people bringing sex into this? Ours has absolutely nothing to do with sex. And I speak for dh too. I wouldn't say our love is deepest right after sex

I feel sorry for the people conflating what were talking about with sex.

To me it says that they've never come close to feeling it because just the idea that what I'm talking about sex is crazy to me. We have sex...but it is a symptom of being deeply in love. Not a cause or a fuel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people bringing sex into this? Ours has absolutely nothing to do with sex. And I speak for dh too. I wouldn't say our love is deepest right after sex

I feel sorry for the people conflating what were talking about with sex.

To me it says that they've never come close to feeling it because just the idea that what I'm talking about sex is crazy to me. We have sex...but it is a symptom of being deeply in love. Not a cause or a fuel.

Our sex is fantastic, but has nothing to do with love. We have a deep emotional connection.

[Anonymous]

I’ve fallen deeply in love three times in my life. The first two were immediate lust, the third occurred while I was married and not looking, so I ignored all the signs.

All three had in common this insane mutual attraction to a complete stranger which occurred at first sight more or less, with no words. All three very different physically, emotionally and intellectually. It just doesn’t make sense.

I can’t explain the feeling, but I know what it feels like. Just being in the same room is intoxicating. Sadly, I’m not married to a deep love.

If I’m honest, I couldn’t handle the vulnerability. It’s too intense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people bringing sex into this? Ours has absolutely nothing to do with sex. And I speak for dh too. I wouldn't say our love is deepest right after sex

I feel sorry for the people conflating what were talking about with sex.

To me it says that they've never come close to feeling it because just the idea that what I'm talking about sex is crazy to me. We have sex...but it is a symptom of being deeply in love. Not a cause or a fuel.

It is related. I like the way you put it: for women it is a symptom of being in love. But for men, it might be the reason for being in love.

your love doesn't have to be deepest after sex. it is a part of the whole, an expression of love. Sex is completely a part of it. Not sure why you folks want to separate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve fallen deeply in love three times in my life. The first two were immediate lust, the third occurred while I was married and not looking, so I ignored all the signs.

All three had in common this insane mutual attraction to a complete stranger which occurred at first sight more or less, with no words. All three very different physically, emotionally and intellectually. It just doesn’t make sense.

I can’t explain the feeling, but I know what it feels like. Just being in the same room is intoxicating. Sadly, I’m not married to a deep love.

If I’m honest, I couldn’t handle the vulnerability. It’s too intense.

I'm sorry. I've followed a similar trajectory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people bringing sex into this? Ours has absolutely nothing to do with sex. And I speak for dh too. I wouldn't say our love is deepest right after sex

I feel sorry for the people conflating what were talking about with sex.

To me it says that they've never come close to feeling it because just the idea that what I'm talking about sex is crazy to me. We have sex...but it is a symptom of being deeply in love. Not a cause or a fuel.

It is related. I like the way you put it: for women it is a symptom of being in love. But for men, it might be the reason for being in love.

your love doesn't have to be deepest after sex. it is a part of the whole, an expression of love. Sex is completely a part of it. Not sure why you folks want to separate it.

I think the push back is to people saying that what we're talking about sounds like sexual infatuation. That is just not what it is for me. I do enjoy sex with my husband and it brings us closer and it is a part of our relationship. But if he was injured or something tomorrow and we could never have sex again it wouldn't change my love for him. Just like it didn't change in the 2-3 months I was out of commission after having kids.

[Anonymous]

NP. Want to hear something funny? When i first read this post a few days ago I was definitely not feeling deep love and was envious of the posters.But then I spent the day with DH yesterday at the spa and now Im back to feeing deep love!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Want to hear something funny? When i first read this post a few days ago I was definitely not feeling deep love and was envious of the posters.But then I spent the day with DH yesterday at the spa and now Im back to feeing deep love!

That's really sweet ... what is the difference for you? What made you realize you were feeling deeply in love again?

[Anonymous]

Corny

I can’t imagine saying that on social media or worse irl and not feeling like a vain asshole whose head is permanently glued to my navel.

And this is coming from someone who’s been happily married for 15 years!

I say happy or good marriage, etc. No reason to break out the purple prose.