Online dating - how to address weight gain?

[Anonymous]

It’s like a guy lying about his height. NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are these posts stating that 5-10 pounds is "nothing"? Are you crazy? My husband is, 5'10" and used to be 195lb. He was wearing a tight size 36 pant. Now he's 185lb and wears a comfortable size 34 pant.

5-10 pounds is a HUGE difference. Also, he's a big guy (used to workout and has a large frame. If you're a woman 10 pounds is a lot of weight. If you're worried about the weight, burn it off.

1. Stop eating sugar.
2. Stop eating processed foods.
3. Stop eating after 9pm.
4. Stop eating fried foods.
5. Drink plenty of water (pee at last 5-6 times a day).

You will lose 2-4 actual pounds in the first week alone.

You are a DH. No woman is as insane as this poster.

What is insane about eating healthy? It's not hard to not eat sugar, processed food, skip fried food and drink water. Anyone who plays sports or stays in shape does this as a normal lifestyle. I would say you're the insane one of you think this is remotely difficult.

Please stop talking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my gf through online dating. Before that, I went out on my first dates through apps. Around 60% seemed like they weighed 10lbs more than their pics, and 30% much more than that. When I met someone in the former situation, I would be disappointed and in the latter situation, I would feel outright deceived. In all cases, I did the best I could to continue the date (and often still paid) but it was only rarely I overcame my original negative reaction. I am fairly into physical fitness (I used to be certified as a trainer) and spend a lot of my free time being active, so I may or not be representative of your dating pool, but I would appreciate a heads up If you thought your pics were misleading. Especially if there was a good reason, it would have helped me calibrate my expectations and original reaction.

Really?!? So 90% of the women you met online were larger than expected? I thought people lying about their age was common but weight is not something you can hide meeting in person

No. The 60% was cumulative and included the 30%. But yes more than half were significantly heavier than their pics. I often was disappointed and started the date a bit upset. Who knows, maybe it would affect other guys less.

[Anonymous]

The prospect of apologizing or feeling the need to explain your weight to a person you haven’t met yet just seems incredibly wrong to me. Hold your head high, go meet him, and decide if YOU like HIM. Don’t set up a dynamic before you begin in which you need his approval or mercy. THAT is what men run away from. Go meet him and see if he meets YOUR standards. And do not say a single word about your weight.

[Anonymous]

5-10 pounds isn’t really discernible unless you’re pretty short.

I’d like to meet the person who can definitively say “no way is she 130 lbs. she’s clearly 137 lbs!!”

[Anonymous]

5 lbs is not a big deal and will likely not be noticeable to him. I wouldn't make a big deal of it and bring it up in advance, because in his minds eye he's going to be thinking my 600 lb life or something similar.
If it's truly closer to 10, he may notice but would probably just assume you used good angles in your pics. If you want to somehow prepare him for what you look like, exchange a current, accurate pic now, before you meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The prospect of apologizing or feeling the need to explain your weight to a person you haven’t met yet just seems incredibly wrong to me. Hold your head high, go meet him, and decide if YOU like HIM. Don’t set up a dynamic before you begin in which you need his approval or mercy. THAT is what men run away from. Go meet him and see if he meets YOUR standards. And do not say a single word about your weight.

Well it's not exactly apologizing for her weight but rather a mischaracterization of it. I think a few lbs is notihng but if it's something quite noticeable from her original pics, I understand and applaud her desire to cop to that.

[Anonymous]

"The prospect of apologizing or feeling the need to explain your weight to a person you haven’t met yet just seems incredibly wrong to me. Hold your head high, go meet him, and decide if YOU like HIM. Don’t set up a dynamic before you begin in which you need his approval or mercy. THAT is what men run away from. Go meet him and see if he meets YOUR standards. And do not say a single word about your weight."

"Well it's not exactly apologizing for her weight but rather a mischaracterization of it. I think a few lbs is notihng but if it's something quite noticeable from her original pics, I understand and applaud her desire to cop to that."

Why should she have to "cop" to anything, much less to someone she has never met?

[Anonymous]

Do you look heavier? If you do, slap a picture up there of your new body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"The prospect of apologizing or feeling the need to explain your weight to a person you haven’t met yet just seems incredibly wrong to me. Hold your head high, go meet him, and decide if YOU like HIM. Don’t set up a dynamic before you begin in which you need his approval or mercy. THAT is what men run away from. Go meet him and see if he meets YOUR standards. And do not say a single word about your weight."

"Well it's not exactly apologizing for her weight but rather a mischaracterization of it. I think a few lbs is notihng but if it's something quite noticeable from her original pics, I understand and applaud her desire to cop to that."

Why should she have to "cop" to anything, much less to someone she has never met?

Because she feels the pictures on her profile are misleading.

[Anonymous]

Weight fluctuates, for God's sake. It's ridiculous that this is even a concern. Let him be the asshole who won't see her again if he is so offended by her 5-10 pound weight gain. Still better than to "cop" to it and demean herself to this stranger. JFC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weight fluctuates, for God's sake. It's ridiculous that this is even a concern. Let him be the asshole who won't see her again if he is so offended by her 5-10 pound weight gain. Still better than to "cop" to it and demean herself to this stranger. JFC.

No, 10lb over an ideal weight isn't a big deal. But people get fat. Fat is an unattractive deal breaker. For God's sake. That's the concern. If your girlfriends tell you you look good, but men disagree, either address the issue or date your girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weight fluctuates, for God's sake. It's ridiculous that this is even a concern. Let him be the asshole who won't see her again if he is so offended by her 5-10 pound weight gain. Still better than to "cop" to it and demean herself to this stranger. JFC.

No, 10lb over an ideal weight isn't a big deal. But people get fat. Fat is an unattractive deal breaker. For God's sake. That's the concern. If your girlfriends tell you you look good, but men disagree, either address the issue or date your girlfriends.

She IS addressing the issue, you halfwit. The question was about whether to tell her date ahead of time that she had put on a few pounds since her photos and was working to lose the weight.

[Anonymous]

Just post new pictures, full body, showing how you really look like now.

No need to mention the weight gain to anyone, reasons behind it, that you are working on it, etc. that only makes you sound insecure.

A pic is worth a thousand words....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met my gf through online dating. Before that, I went out on my first dates through apps. Around 60% seemed like they weighed 10lbs more than their pics, and 30% much more than that. When I met someone in the former situation, I would be disappointed and in the latter situation, I would feel outright deceived. In all cases, I did the best I could to continue the date (and often still paid) but it was only rarely I overcame my original negative reaction. I am fairly into physical fitness (I used to be certified as a trainer) and spend a lot of my free time being active, so I may or not be representative of your dating pool, but I would appreciate a heads up If you thought your pics were misleading. Especially if there was a good reason, it would have helped me calibrate my expectations and original reaction.

Really?!? So 90% of the women you met online were larger than expected? I thought people lying about their age was common but weight is not something you can hide meeting in person

No. The 60% was cumulative and included the 30%. But yes more than half were significantly heavier than their pics. I often was disappointed and started the date a bit upset. Who knows, maybe it would affect other guys less.

That's been my experience as well. I hated screening them out on an actual date so I shifted the burden to the potential date before meeting and had much better luck. I asked for selfies, taken right now and sent mine also. Any woman who had trouble taking a photo, or showing a full body, I rejected. I knew with 100% certainty she was going to be significantly larger than advertised. It brought that percentage way down.