What makes a man a "creep?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Female here and this is totally not true. A man you initially find attractive can quickly lose appeal and be viewed as creepy.

I think this perception comes from the reality that women are more receptive to approaches from attractive men, which is perfectly reasonable. There is less of a chance of an attractive guy not respecting her boundaries because her boundaries are more "open" to him anyway. An unattractive guy is going to run into the Great Wall of China. Any move he makes to get past this boundary is creepy by default. He just doesn't have as much wiggle room.

This is true and, I think it's important to add, that's o.k. Women, like men, are entitled to have their preferences. Folks usually don't bag on men for having their preferences in who they decide to approach. Similarly, women shouldn't be scolded for who they decide to receive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The eye thing - that weird look - there is a name for it, I just don't know what it is - like the "eye sex" thing. Ew. CREEPY. Get away. Or I might play along then laugh about with my friends it later, but I am not seriously playing along, trust me.

My friend used to refer to this as the "bone eye."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think this perception comes from the reality that women are more receptive to approaches from attractive men, which is perfectly reasonable. There is less of a chance of an attractive guy not respecting her boundaries because her boundaries are more "open" to him anyway. An unattractive guy is going to run into the Great Wall of China. Any move he makes to get past this boundary is creepy by default. He just doesn't have as much wiggle room.

This is true and, I think it's important to add, that's o.k. Women, like men, are entitled to have their preferences. Folks usually don't bag on men for having their preferences in who they decide to approach. Similarly, women shouldn't be scolded for who they decide to receive.

Absolutely. And let's be clear -- the problem for unattractive men is not that women are asking not to have their boundaries pushed, it' that they are unattractive (whatever that means).

Even if women are forced to loosen their boundaries (gross, but anyway), they still won't find them attractive. And that does not change unless the men change -- either something about their grooming, or appearance, or social presence, or even the choice of women they approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The eye thing - that weird look - there is a name for it, I just don't know what it is - like the "eye sex" thing. Ew. CREEPY. Get away. Or I might play along then laugh about with my friends it later, but I am not seriously playing along, trust me.

My friend used to refer to this as the "bone eye."

EW. Does this mean what I think it means? That makes it even more disgusting!

[Anonymous]

It is about not respecting the boundaries. If she says no, it is no. Move on. More importantly, if one creates a setting where she realistically can not say no, that is creepy.

Flirting, not creepy, unless you continue after she blows you off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Let me guess - you're a self-professed "nice guy" who can't understand why women don't like "nice guys like me."

+1

Creep = bitter self-professed "nice guy" with anger issues: "Why won't that dumb b#%^& just go out with me?" etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being unattractive

Being socially awkward

Being shy / introverted

What? This response is ridiculous.

OP, my answer is: someone who lacks boundaries and makes inappropriate comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Female here and this is totally not true. A man you initially find attractive can quickly lose appeal and be viewed as creepy.

I think this perception comes from the reality that women are more receptive to approaches from attractive men, which is perfectly reasonable. There is less of a chance of an attractive guy not respecting her boundaries because her boundaries are more "open" to him anyway. An unattractive guy is going to run into the Great Wall of China. Any move he makes to get past this boundary is creepy by default. He just doesn't have as much wiggle room.

This is true and, I think it's important to add, that's o.k. Women, like men, are entitled to have their preferences. Folks usually don't bag on men for having their preferences in who they decide to approach. Similarly, women shouldn't be scolded for who they decide to receive.

"Entitled to have preferences": that wasn't the topic, but women frequently like to argue as if it is.
"Shouldn't be scolded" for their preferences: if you're holding out for a supermodel and can't make it happen, maybe you ought to be mocked mercilessly. Whether you're a man or woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Let me guess - you're a self-professed "nice guy" who can't understand why women don't like "nice guys like me."

+1

Creep = bitter self-professed "nice guy" with anger issues: "Why won't that dumb b#%^& just go out with me?" etc...

+1

This is key. I think many people think all nice guys are nice guys - until they are not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman who has not been traditionally "attractive," and has been socially awkward, shy, and introverted, these things make a man creepy:

Leery

Looks at you, or treats you like an object, and not a human being or peer

Expects you to pay attention to them

Does not take the hint to leave you alone; repeatedly approaches you

Thinks that when they talk to you, or compliment you, that you should consider yourself lucky; thinks overly high of themselves and the value of their opinion

This. Spot on.

Awkward guys are just awkward. Give them a break.

[Anonymous]

I think it all boils down to-I think he might rape me if he had the opportunity. Men with whom I've had that fear have had a wide variety of looks, attributes, and personality traits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it all boils down to-I think he might rape me if he had the opportunity. Men with whom I've had that fear have had a wide variety of looks, attributes, and personality traits.

+1

[Anonymous]

Will not take no for an answer. Insists that they know what you want better than you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being able to read social cues; or being able to read them, but to feel somehow entitled to ignore them, as with Aziz Ansari.

If her mouth was on my penis, I might have trouble reading the negative social cues.

this is their culture in India. they treat women like dirt. it will take a few generations in US to change

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being able to read social cues; or being able to read them, but to feel somehow entitled to ignore them, as with Aziz Ansari.

If her mouth was on my penis, I might have trouble reading the negative social cues.

this is their culture in India. they treat women like dirt. it will take a few generations in US to change

Maybe so, but that woman was not entirely in the right. DP here.