What makes a man a "creep?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a co-worker who is 51 and unmarried. He frequently talks about how beautiful some of the 20-somethings in our organization are and will try to chat them up and make lunch plans. I find that kind of creepy.

It's amazing how many ordinary/loser men over 50 seriously believe that 20-something women want to date them. My ugly, broke-ass husband had a mid-life crisis, and he sincerely believed all these young women were lined up to date him, so he was going to have to think over whether to stay with me. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face.

[Anonymous]

Leering

Can't take a hint

Not charming, coy, friendly. Takes it too far.

Either oblivious to social cues or (more likely) doesn't care that the object of his attention wishes he would stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being unattractive

Being socially awkward

Being shy / introverted

It goes beyond this. It has to do with giving unwanted attention to a person. Being unattractive is, of course, going to increase the number of people who don't want your attention. And, being socially awkward will perhaps limit your ability to tell when attention is unwanted. So, being perceived as creepy will sometimes be unfair in the way that life is generally unfair. And acting creepy will sometimes be inadvertent because you lack social acuity and/or the person who doesn't want to receive your attention is communicating that fact too subtly. But, if you're actually concerned about being considerate of people's feelings and can limit your bitterness over the fact that Chad Thundercock's life is easier than yours, it's pretty damn simple to avoid being creepy.

Yes. At the core, "creepy" is about not pulling back when your attention is unwanted. It's about forcing the point when the point isn't welcome.

Maybe you don't read social cues well. Maybe you deliberately ignore them because you don't feel other people have a right to not want your attention. Maybe both. But physically attractive and wealthy men can be creepy, too. I think Christian Bale could be creepy af. (Not that he would force attention on me, but if he did -- skin crawl. I heard the audios.)

+1

This is what certain men do NOT want to see/admit. "She thinks I'm creepy? NAH!" LOL. Maybe creepy men don't think anything of (aren't threatened by) the other women's husband, but to her, her husband has everything creepy men do not. Sheer denial and/or delusion. I bet the creepy man's wife would back this up 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Female here and this is totally not true. A man you initially find attractive can quickly lose appeal and be viewed as creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being unattractive

Being socially awkward

Being shy / introverted

It goes beyond this. It has to do with giving unwanted attention to a person. Being unattractive is, of course, going to increase the number of people who don't want your attention. And, being socially awkward will perhaps limit your ability to tell when attention is unwanted. So, being perceived as creepy will sometimes be unfair in the way that life is generally unfair. And acting creepy will sometimes be inadvertent because you lack social acuity and/or the person who doesn't want to receive your attention is communicating that fact too subtly. But, if you're actually concerned about being considerate of people's feelings and can limit your bitterness over the fact that Chad Thundercock's life is easier than yours, it's pretty damn simple to avoid being creepy.

Yes. At the core, "creepy" is about not pulling back when your attention is unwanted. It's about forcing the point when the point isn't welcome.

Maybe you don't read social cues well. Maybe you deliberately ignore them because you don't feel other people have a right to not want your attention. Maybe both. But physically attractive and wealthy men can be creepy, too. I think Christian Bale could be creepy af. (Not that he would force attention on me, but if he did -- skin crawl. I heard the audios.)

+1. The comment above that talks about two guys doing the same thing but being perceived differently seems like it disregards the legitimacy of a woman's subjective choices. It's about doing "A," gauging whether "A" was received positively or not, and reacting appropriately based on that information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Let me guess - you're a self-professed "nice guy" who can't understand why women don't like "nice guys like me."

Nope, I am a woman who works in a field were I interact regularly with socially awkward young men who get seen and treated as creepy on a regular basis just because of how they look and their lack of social charm.

A lot of this is age related. Both young men and women have a terrible picker when it comes to dating. When you get in your 30s and beyond, both men and women get better about weeding out the charming jerks, and superficial hot girls chasing money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a co-worker who is 51 and unmarried. He frequently talks about how beautiful some of the 20-somethings in our organization are and will try to chat them up and make lunch plans. I find that kind of creepy.

It's amazing how many ordinary/loser men over 50 seriously believe that 20-something women want to date them. My ugly, broke-ass husband had a mid-life crisis, and he sincerely believed all these young women were lined up to date him, so he was going to have to think over whether to stay with me. It was all I could do not to laugh in his face.

This is hilarious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Let me guess - you're a self-professed "nice guy" who can't understand why women don't like "nice guys like me."

let me guess how many cats you have...20?

[Anonymous]

Not being able to read social cues; or being able to read them, but to feel somehow entitled to ignore them, as with Aziz Ansari.

[Anonymous]

I've been approached by guys I did not find attractive. If they were calm and pleasant about it, there was no creepiness.

I've been approached by guys I found hot as heck, but when I wasn't in a position to take them up on the invitation to go out. If they were assholes about it, they quickly went into the "creep" category.

[Anonymous]

Repeated non reciprocal attempts at engagement and/or leering behavior. I have a girlfriend who is like this; nice enough but socially clueless. She routinely creeps men out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not being able to read social cues; or being able to read them, but to feel somehow entitled to ignore them, as with Aziz Ansari.

If her mouth was on my penis, I might have trouble reading the negative social cues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Let me guess - you're a self-professed "nice guy" who can't understand why women don't like "nice guys like me."

Nope, I am a woman who works in a field were I interact regularly with socially awkward young men who get seen and treated as creepy on a regular basis just because of how they look and their lack of social charm.

A lot of this is age related. Both young men and women have a terrible picker when it comes to dating. When you get in your 30s and beyond, both men and women get better about weeding out the charming jerks, and superficial hot girls chasing money.

With women, I suspect the ability to weed out jerks as they age comes from shifting gears and transitioning from the men they find sexy to the men they find useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a guy does A but you think he is hot and cool, then you think he is charming.

If a guy does A but you think he is unattractive and awkward, then you think he is creepy.

Two guys can do the exact same thing...and one be seen as creepy and the other seen as charming.

Over the top creepiness like someone staring in your window or making lewd gestures or comments would apply across the attractiveness continuum but most things people call creepy are more about the person than the action

Female here and this is totally not true. A man you initially find attractive can quickly lose appeal and be viewed as creepy.

I think this perception comes from the reality that women are more receptive to approaches from attractive men, which is perfectly reasonable. There is less of a chance of an attractive guy not respecting her boundaries because her boundaries are more "open" to him anyway. An unattractive guy is going to run into the Great Wall of China. Any move he makes to get past this boundary is creepy by default. He just doesn't have as much wiggle room.

[Anonymous]

Not seeing you as a person but an object that they want/deserve.

As an Asian, the creepiest guys don’t see me, they just see ASIAN. And get hyper focused on that. EWWWW