Grandparent solo vacation request not sitting well

[Anonymous]

So your husband says, "hey, you know Jennifer is really set on taking the kids to Amazing Island, and she'd like to keep the first trip there as just our family."

[Anonymous]

I took my nieces on their 1st Disney Trip. I spoke with my brother and SIL. Made them aware of what I was thinking and my approach. Asked them to reflect on it as I did not want to ruin it for them if they wanted to do it 1st as a family and I did not want to put them on the spot and give me an answer right then.

A week later my brother called and said they thought a lot about it and they are fine with it and thanks so much for the offer!

This is what people who respect each other do. I did not tell my 5 YO niece that I wanted to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took my nieces on their 1st Disney Trip. I spoke with my brother and SIL. Made them aware of what I was thinking and my approach. Asked them to reflect on it as I did not want to ruin it for them if they wanted to do it 1st as a family and I did not want to put them on the spot and give me an answer right then.

A week later my brother called and said they thought a lot about it and they are fine with it and thanks so much for the offer!

This is what people who respect each other do. I did not tell my 5 YO niece that I wanted to do it.

Agreed. All things considered, the telling my kid about a big plan without even asking me first would bother me the most.

The trip, location are all within your control.

[Anonymous]

You say, "that is so kind of you to offer. But I'm planning a special trip for DS, DH, and me. Maybe you could go to X or Y instead."

[Anonymous]

It was completely wrong of them to say anything to your child without asking you first. My sil has taken my son on several trips and always runs it by me and my dh first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a vacation destination/costal town that is very near and dear to my heart. I visited often as a child and I have great memories of my summers there. It hasn’t been in the cards for us to travel there since having our son, and I don’t see it happening soon, unfortunately. But I dream of the day I can show him this place and share my memories with him. But all of this is really no secret to anyone who knows me.

So you can imagine my surprise when DS (5.5) came home yesterday from his grandma’s (my MIL) and announced that his grandma has told him that, maybe over the summer, she and grandpa will take him to this place alone, without us! Just the three of them. And now he’s excited. And I don’t know whether to be mad that none of this was even brought up to us, and we weren’t even consulted. Or sad, because we weren’t asked along (not that we could go at this time, which is something they know.)

I discussed it with my husband, briefly, and said that this is something I can’t budge on. He neither agreed nor disagreed, because he isn’t taking it seriously. And to be honest, it isn’t serious yet, since we haven’t even been asked by them.

But how do I approach this if/when asked without sounding possessive? I sure don’t mind if he spends time with them, but regardless of location, I couldn’t let him travel alone that far (other end of the country) with them. And what’s worse, I feel like they chose that location on purpose. It feels almost spiteful. Thoughts?

I think you're reading spite into a situation where there isn't any. They might well have been motivated by the fact that you love this place, and you are not able to take your son there in the foreseeable future. You are possessive of this place, perhaps irrationally. Your kid is not going to feel the same way about this town as you did.

Also, the place is not the same as taking a trip with grandparents. (FWIW, my kid spent a week with her grandparents on the other side of the country (at their home) when she was four. There is no reason that a nearly 6-year-old child cannot spend time with grandparents away from home.)

[Anonymous]

honestly, I don't see the big deal..

my folks took my daughter all over hells half acre in their RV, including stps at beaches, Rv arks with lakes and pools, ect.

its what grand parents do...

yeah a bit odd that that they didn't ask you first...but thast the only real issue I see

[Anonymous]

I think you're slightly overreacting. His experience with them will not be anywhere close to the experience he has with you, when you finally take him. Perhaps use this as motivation to make it happen in the near future.

[Anonymous]

The problem here is that they proposed a trip to the kid before clearing it with you first. The fact that it was your special place is not important -- they're not stealing it from you they're just trying to share it with your kid.

If/when they approach you about this trip, you can tell them that you have a plan already for his first trip to Amazing Island, and you'd love for him to have a special vacation with just them, but that 1) you don't want it to be more than [x] miles away and [x] days long because he's so young (also no water if you feel strongly about that), and 2) in the future you'd prefer to make sure schedules work and the trip is feasible on your end before it's mentioned to him, because you don't want his feelings hurt by an avoidable problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're slightly overreacting. His experience with them will not be anywhere close to the experience he has with you, when you finally take him. Perhaps use this as motivation to make it happen in the near future.

+1

Also, your expectations to share you childhood experiences with him in some dramatic mother son bonding moment is nutty. Kid will not care about your childhood experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're slightly overreacting. His experience with them will not be anywhere close to the experience he has with you, when you finally take him. Perhaps use this as motivation to make it happen in the near future.

+1

Also, your expectations to share you childhood experiences with him in some dramatic mother son bonding moment is nutty. Kid will not care about your childhood experiences.

Completely agree.

My first thought is that grandparents know how much you like this place, they have the time and the money to take grandson, so they'd like to provide a fun experience for him. I think you’re overreacting by reading so much into it, TBH. Don’t be a drama queen. Do you want to deprive your son of this cool vacation out of spite now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:honestly, I don't see the big deal..

my folks took my daughter all over hells half acre in their RV, including stps at beaches, Rv arks with lakes and pools, ect.

its what grand parents do...

yeah a bit odd that that they didn't ask you first...but thast the only real issue I see

agreed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You MUST speak up! You are in charge! Do not budge! Say child came home and said about vacation. Said this is YOUR plan when he is older. Tell them not to get him excited about anything without your permission. You do not need your husband’s approval to say this! Done! Just think how tortured you would be while they are gone. No is the answer.
Who cares how excited child is? No, no and no!
It is your job to protect child and they have nothing to plan without your approval!
If you want to take your child to show him your dream place, you do it and they do not have to come AMEN. END of discussion.! You go, Mom! Your child, your plan. Speak up!

Wow. No to this adversarial, horrible, approach. Don’t say anything unless and until they come to you and ask to actually do it. Then just politely say, “that place holds the fondest memories for me, and I would like to be the person that shares it with DC first. Thanks so much for your generous offer though.”

[Anonymous]

You need to relax and think about how much fun your son will have. It's not about you! If my son was 5.5 and he came home and said that his GP's wanted to take him someplace special I'd be thrilled! If this place really meant a lot to you, you would find a way to go. I sure hope your parents know what a handful a 5 year old can be, especially if it's more than just a few days. If they are up for it and are in decent shape then your son could have a lot of fun. I remember being 5 or so and staying alone with my grandmother and going to her beach club. I felt very special and it is a wonderful memory.

[Anonymous]

Why not be an adult and speak to them about it? It's not sitting well because you don't have all of the information. You should have communicated with them first. Perhaps your communication skills are lacking.