If your husband is a SAHD

[Anonymous]

PP here with SAHD. It is a great situation for me. I am proud of my achievements and ability to support my family, have college fully funded and sufficient retirement savings--all based on my earnings. It is great to have DH at home for the kids. It has also changed their perspectives. They believe that Moms WOH, have the professional job, office, assistant, international travel and make more money. So keep an open mind--it might be the best solution for your family. It certainly is for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.

But what about the army of SAHMs who say it is the hardest job in the world? This board confuses me...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.

Can we assume you feel the same way about SAHMs, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.

Can we assume you feel the same way about SAHMs, then?

I think a lot of SAHMs are bored out of their mind and just surf facebook all day. But at least active moms can volunteer at school, lead carpool, putt around local non profit, do laundry, bake, gossip with other SAHMs. A lot of stuff SAHMs do would be weird/emasculating for men to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.

Can we assume you feel the same way about SAHMs, then?

I think a lot of SAHMs are bored out of their mind and just surf facebook all day. But at least active moms can volunteer at school, lead carpool, putt around local non profit, do laundry, bake, gossip with other SAHMs. A lot of stuff SAHMs do would be weird/emasculating for men to do.

So men can't volunteer st school or a non profit? Or do laundry? Gossip I see, and honestly gossip yoga and coffee are the pillars of a SAHMs day, and as said before SAHD can't hang with SAHM (remember Parenthood when Julia Stiles lawyer was seduced by the unemployed schlub when she had a hot contractor DH <who had SAH until all of sudden he didn't>, but that was you after school special PSA that SAHMs and SAHDs should never mix, b/c if those two got together any pairing is possible )

[Anonymous]

Amazon isn't really hiring at $45K a year and Amazon work isn't always stable.

OP, do you want to stay home? It really depends on your careers. I am a SAHM and glad I did it but I hated my job and was miserable. I planned to go back to work but had child care issues and my husband encouraged me to stay home. My mom was very angry about it and still is. If I went back, I'd have to start all over and at a low salary where it is not worth it. Just something to think about. My husband increased his salary to cover mine. Maybe you can go part-time and get a nanny if you want to work.

My husband would have gladly stayed home and been good at it. I would not have been ok with it. But, he had the higher earning potential so it was a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amazon isn't really hiring at $45K a year and Amazon work isn't always stable.

OP, do you want to stay home? It really depends on your careers. I am a SAHM and glad I did it but I hated my job and was miserable. I planned to go back to work but had child care issues and my husband encouraged me to stay home. My mom was very angry about it and still is. If I went back, I'd have to start all over and at a low salary where it is not worth it. Just something to think about. My husband increased his salary to cover mine. Maybe you can go part-time and get a nanny if you want to work.

My husband would have gladly stayed home and been good at it. I would not have been ok with it. But, he had the higher earning potential so it was a non-issue.

Childcare issues? There are daycares, nannies, and au pairs. Just own that you wanted to SAH. And it's easy decision when DW has middle career; when an accomplished DW decides to walk away from a careeer that took off, if you ever have money issues it becomes a sore spot.

[Anonymous]

NP here. My DH is a SAHD. It works for us. Things at home run like clockwork, the kids are well cared for and there is far less stress when one parent has the ultimate flexibility to handle whatever comes up. He’s probably much better at all of it than I could ever be.

As for PPs’ opinions about losing respect for their DHs if they stayed at home, or it being a sign that they failed at life, it seems like such an old-fashioned and narrow minded way of thinking. If anything, I have more respect for my DH for taking on this role and giving it 1000% every day. I feel really fortunate that I found a man who will do whatever it takes to provide for his family, even if that means doing so in a non-traditional way. And he doesn’t complain about any of it, or lament about how difficult it can be managing 2 young kids while doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands and house projects. He just does what needs to be done. How could I not love and respect someone who does so much to take care of me and our kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.

Can we assume you feel the same way about SAHMs, then?

I think a lot of SAHMs are bored out of their mind and just surf facebook all day. But at least active moms can volunteer at school, lead carpool, putt around local non profit, do laundry, bake, gossip with other SAHMs. A lot of stuff SAHMs do would be weird/emasculating for men to do.

So men can't volunteer st school or a non profit? Or do laundry? Gossip I see, and honestly gossip yoga and coffee are the pillars of a SAHMs day, and as said before SAHD can't hang with SAHM (remember Parenthood when Julia Stiles lawyer was seduced by the unemployed schlub when she had a hot contractor DH <who had SAH until all of sudden he didn't>, but that was you after school special PSA that SAHMs and SAHDs should never mix, b/c if those two got together any pairing is possible )

The biggest hinderance to me hanging out with SAHD is my fabulous SAHM body. Their working wives with cubicle bodies can't handle it. I get it, so respect their insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.

Can we assume you feel the same way about SAHMs, then?

I think a lot of SAHMs are bored out of their mind and just surf facebook all day. But at least active moms can volunteer at school, lead carpool, putt around local non profit, do laundry, bake, gossip with other SAHMs. A lot of stuff SAHMs do would be weird/emasculating for men to do.

You’re right about one thing: many men would find gossiping and watching talk shows a really stupid way to spend their day. In fact, so do I and I’m a woman! But men can volunteer at school and they can even (gasp!) do laundry and bake! No reason why a man can’t do these things as a SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask because we're trying t figure out the best situation for us. I technically have the better paying job and insurance, but it's only marginally.

I'm not sure how I will handle going back to work I only have 12 weeks, we're expecting twins. I want to breastfeed. I have a pretty demanding job.

We do want someone to be home with the babies though.

Most couples have trouble with this. It sucks and is unfair, probably due to social pressures we can't escape yet. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3710922/The-REAL-reason-modern-marriages-end-Women-likely-divorce-stay-home-dads-fail-live-breadwinner-stereotype.html

Could still work for you guys. I've seen it fail in close friends, I think the guy felt emasculated (he ended up cheating.). Who knows though maybe would have happened either way. I think guy has to be very secure, and wife has to be somewhat laid back about home life. Another couple succeeded, but she was in love with her career, and never resented having to be the one who works.

Don't hang any big decisions on breastfeeding. I've been doing it for 10 months and it's no magical miracle. Mostly it entails sleep deprivation, discomfort, and some beneficial convenience. Doing it with twins will almost guarantee supplementing with formula anyway at first, and You would be pumping constantly at work and not getting much done. Try to be flexible about how things will go. I hope you are looking at twin support groups. Frankly staying at home with twins without some extra help would be tough on either parent. High quality Daycare may turn out to be your salvation (I say this as a stay at home part time Mom of a single, but close to a twin dad/Mom). Ii would also look into part time care and if you or your dh could work part time. Keep all options on the table (I.e get on wait lists/research nannies.). You don't really know what's right for your family until you are in the thick of it, unfortunately. Congrats & Good luck.

Wow from that article, if DW does les housework time the chance of divorce increases!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.

Can we assume you feel the same way about SAHMs, then?

I think a lot of SAHMs are bored out of their mind and just surf facebook all day. But at least active moms can volunteer at school, lead carpool, putt around local non profit, do laundry, bake, gossip with other SAHMs. A lot of stuff SAHMs do would be weird/emasculating for men to do.

So men can't volunteer st school or a non profit? Or do laundry? Gossip I see, and honestly gossip yoga and coffee are the pillars of a SAHMs day, and as said before SAHD can't hang with SAHM (remember Parenthood when Julia Stiles lawyer was seduced by the unemployed schlub when she had a hot contractor DH <who had SAH until all of sudden he didn't>, but that was you after school special PSA that SAHMs and SAHDs should never mix, b/c if those two got together any pairing is possible )

The biggest hinderance to me hanging out with SAHD is my fabulous SAHM body. Their working wives with cubicle bodies can't handle it. I get it, so respect their insecurities.

This has been a thread several times over, the SAHD don't care it's all the insecure SAHM and to some extent breadwinner DH (though maybe it's guilt by projection b/c they are so tempted by hot interns at the office). Same stupidity that keeps a man and woman from having a work lunch with others than their spouse

[Anonymous]

My husband works from home so I guess that makes me his hot intern? Mine would probably get jealous if I hung out a lot alone with a SAHD (our kids are school aged), but again, fabulous SAHM body to blame. Not my fault.

[Anonymous]

My husband stayed home for almost a year and was fabulous at it. He took over all the household responsibilities and did it with gusto. We knew it was temporary for us (I had taken a few years off with our others and had a great opportunity that I felt would boost my long-term career options). He went back after a year and I dropped back to part-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband stayed home for almost a year and was fabulous at it. He took over all the household responsibilities and did it with gusto. We knew it was temporary for us (I had taken a few years off with our others and had a great opportunity that I felt would boost my long-term career options). He went back after a year and I dropped back to part-time.

If it was so great why did he stop.