If your husband is a SAHD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a nanny or an Au Pair.
I have twins (and 2 older kids).

I am the breadwinner and we debated DH staying home, but he declined. Honestly 24/7 with twins is enough to drive anyone crazy, so it's best to divide it up amongst a few adults.

Don't make any decisions before you have the babies and see how it goes. Then go back to work. Then make decisions.
Maybe one of you goes down to part-time

and I pumped at work for a year (through a layoff and new job) for my twins (one had allergies and medical issues and refused formula) Otherwise I would have gone to formula at 3 or 6 months. Having twins is hard. Don't try to be a superhero. Partial or full formula is fine.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a SAHD. It started with a layoff from a job he did not like--I think this is typical. He is a great cook and pretty handy. I make a lot of money and travel a lot. It works well for us,but I worry that it is limiting and isolating for him and he will feel he missed out on a lot. I think you need to have frank discussions and be prepared to change course if one person is unhappy.

[Anonymous]

I would be deeply embarrassed to have a husband that stayed home and think I had failed in life.

[Anonymous]

Most SAHDs are losers, leeches, and grifters who knock up as a desperate woman without many dating prospects as a way of riding the gravy train. It's a dismal situation for everyone involved, not least of which the poor children.

[Anonymous]

Ahh.. neo-feminism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be deeply embarrassed to have a husband that stayed home and think I had failed in life.

This.

[Anonymous]

SAHD's are losers.

[Anonymous]

I knpw 2 SAHDs, both became so due to getting fired from their jobs. One is now divorced and he works at thr gym. Basically the two i know had nothing better going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be deeply embarrassed to have a husband that stayed home and think I had failed in life.

This.

Yes feminism at its best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knpw 2 SAHDs, both became so due to getting fired from their jobs. One is now divorced and he works at thr gym. Basically the two i know had nothing better going on.

It’s intersting that many women become SAHM because they are in the same situation(dead end job, hate work, failing at work, laid off, fired, etc). Many are depressed and seek out other SAHMs. Yet they are not held in contempt...or maybe this is the root of the SAHM vs the Working mom debate/hate?

Looking through the post most are very stereotypical. Oh the woman has a much higher paying job but “wanted” to stay at home, SAHD are depressed(many SAH’s are depressed especially with little kids), only a loser(man) would be a SAHD(yes there are no loser SAHM), SAHD cheat(but SAHM don’t), etc.

OP do not listen to these posters. It can work for you. Just remember the posters are out there and will not support your decision. Many will work against you, your children and your husband. I have seen it at our school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of these were SAHD but instead unemployed for some reason and leveraged it for the family

The dynamic of a DH quitting a job he likes to SAH is toxic, b/c he will be isolated (SAHM can't hang with him because of possible crotch tingles), everyone will really think he is depressed or unemployed as really why he is home, and you will resent all the time he spending with your babies that you carried inside you for almost a year.

Trust us we tried it. World is not ready for it at least here on east Coast.

Why is this a fact? As a SAHP your job is take care of your kids, not hang with your buddies.

But no play dates, no walks with other parents -- basically 5 years of just you and the baby. Many SAHM find it isolating but they at least don't have this hurdle

[Anonymous]

PP here who said it would be toxic, please note how this thread unwound. Keep you DH working at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knpw 2 SAHDs, both became so due to getting fired from their jobs. One is now divorced and he works at thr gym. Basically the two i know had nothing better going on.

It’s intersting that many women become SAHM because they are in the same situation(dead end job, hate work, failing at work, laid off, fired, etc). Many are depressed and seek out other SAHMs. Yet they are not held in contempt...or maybe this is the root of the SAHM vs the Working mom debate/hate?

Looking through the post most are very stereotypical. Oh the woman has a much higher paying job but “wanted” to stay at home, SAHD are depressed(many SAH’s are depressed especially with little kids), only a loser(man) would be a SAHD(yes there are no loser SAHM), SAHD cheat(but SAHM don’t), etc.

OP do not listen to these posters. It can work for you. Just remember the posters are out there and will not support your decision. Many will work against you, your children and your husband. I have seen it at our school.

How do they WORK against a SAHD, why do they get involved?

[Anonymous]

OP look into a nanny or au pair, maybe you can telework or work part time in combination?

[Anonymous]

A husband could telework pretty easily -- esp. if they have a degree and some work experience. Amazon will hire you immediately for $45k a year.

There's really not enough "work" to be done at home especially once the kids are in school. It's just emasculating and leads to atrophy. What would your husband even talk about -- what was on Ellen that day? Just, no.