If your husband is a SAHD
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Anonymous
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When did he start?
After you maternity leave? Did you get maternity leave? |
Anonymous
| I was a stay at home dad for a year. I started after maternity leave ended. We had just moved because of a job transfer for my wife. Our son had a medical condition and couldn't go to day care. I stayed home with him until every was cleared medically then I found a new job and went back to work |
Anonymous
| My DH became a SAHD for a period of 2 years starting when our kids were between the ages of 6 and 9. He was in a toxic situation at work and we agreed that he could take a break. It was supposed to be a 6 month break. In hindsight, it was clear that he was spiraling into a depression prior to being a SAHD and it worsed over the next year. It took him 6 months get get to a function level and then another 6 months to find a job. |
Anonymous
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OP here. I ask because we're trying t figure out the best situation for us. I technically have the better paying job and insurance, but it's only marginally.
I'm not sure how I will handle going back to work I only have 12 weeks, we're expecting twins. I want to breastfeed. I have a pretty demanding job. We do want someone to be home with the babies though. |
Anonymous
| He's lazy and doesn't do anything at all described in the duties. |
Anonymous
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None of these were SAHD but instead unemployed for some reason and leveraged it for the family
The dynamic of a DH quitting a job he likes to SAH is toxic, b/c he will be isolated (SAHM can't hang with him because of possible crotch tingles), everyone will really think he is depressed or unemployed as really why he is home, and you will resent all the time he spending with your babies that you carried inside you for almost a year. Trust us we tried it. World is not ready for it at least here on east Coast. |
Anonymous
See she resent him. Toxic. |
Anonymous
Why is this a fact? As a SAHP your job is take care of your kids, not hang with your buddies. |
Anonymous
| I know one couple well. It started with him being laid off and she got promoted. They decided it was perfect time to have kids. The oldest kid is in high school. She would love to stay at home, but her career took off and his did not. |
Anonymous
| I only know one, and they are getting divorced. The wife grew to resent the DH. |
Anonymous
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The east coast is ready for SAHDs IME. I was one in western NY and TN and I felt isolated. I feel like nobody gives a second thought to SAHDs in MD, DC, or VA.
Maybe I've just been lucky. |
Anonymous
| I know three couples with SAHDs (one on the east coast). In all three cases, it was a deliberate choice. It seems to work well for them (it's been at least four years for all three). |
Anonymous
Most couples have trouble with this. It sucks and is unfair, probably due to social pressures we can't escape yet. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3710922/The-REAL-reason-modern-marriages-end-Women-likely-divorce-stay-home-dads-fail-live-breadwinner-stereotype.html Could still work for you guys. I've seen it fail in close friends, I think the guy felt emasculated (he ended up cheating.). Who knows though maybe would have happened either way. I think guy has to be very secure, and wife has to be somewhat laid back about home life. Another couple succeeded, but she was in love with her career, and never resented having to be the one who works. Don't hang any big decisions on breastfeeding. I've been doing it for 10 months and it's no magical miracle. Mostly it entails sleep deprivation, discomfort, and some beneficial convenience. Doing it with twins will almost guarantee supplementing with formula anyway at first, and You would be pumping constantly at work and not getting much done. Try to be flexible about how things will go. I hope you are looking at twin support groups. Frankly staying at home with twins without some extra help would be tough on either parent. High quality Daycare may turn out to be your salvation (I say this as a stay at home part time Mom of a single, but close to a twin dad/Mom). Ii would also look into part time care and if you or your dh could work part time. Keep all options on the table (I.e get on wait lists/research nannies.). You don't really know what's right for your family until you are in the thick of it, unfortunately. Congrats & Good luck. |
Anonymous
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Get a nanny or an Au Pair.
I have twins (and 2 older kids). I am the breadwinner and we debated DH staying home, but he declined. Honestly 24/7 with twins is enough to drive anyone crazy, so it's best to divide it up amongst a few adults. Don't make any decisions before you have the babies and see how it goes. Then go back to work. Then make decisions. Maybe one of you goes down to part-time |
Anonymous
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There are SAHDs all over the DC area. it works fine for them. Lots of women with good jobs here and lots of families relocating for the wife's job.
The question is, what is best for the two of you? My wife could never SAH. Career was too big a part of her identity, and the daily grind of taking care of kids would not suit her. OTOH I was always good with kids, even when I was young, and my career was great but I didn't measure myself by it. You should join a multiples group either way. And if he stays at home, he can join DC Metro Dads so that he has a group of guys to meet up with. |