Putting 6yo in Closet at Bedtime--Too Much?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think it's a horrible as some are making it out to be, but I wouldn't do it.

My 6yo can be the same sometimes. When it starts, I just cut bedtime off early. I give him a quick kiss on the forehead, wrangle my arm out from his grasp, and walk away, tuning out the shrieks of "mommy don't goooooo!". He calms down eventually. And it's gotten better over the last year as he realizes that his complaining doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5yo who plays up at bedtime sometimes, she is dying to sleep with me so I've just done a reward chart. 10 good night's of going right to sleep without me going back in and she can have a sleepover in my bed. I would never shut her in a dark closet.

[Anonymous]

I have a 6 yo and I am trying to imagine putting him in a dark closet. No. That is not ok. 6 yos can be trying. You neee to figure out a better way to deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Well, I've spanked my kids a few times. I've sent them to the dark closet a few times. You have to know your kid, to avoid creating trauma - see what's worse for them, and not do that.

If you go that route, you also have to figure out what else you could do upstream to have a great bedtime. But if it's really 5% of the time and he's 6, I think I prefer your method over the snowflake parents who let their kids walk all over them... and there are so many, it's exhausting!

Wow!

[Anonymous]

This sounds really awful. Does he cry? It's honestly borderline abusive.

[Anonymous]

The idea of doing this to my six-year-old makes me physically ill. If you've read the books, you know there are better ways to handle it than this, so if this is the approach you're choosing, I don't know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Well, I've spanked my kids a few times. I've sent them to the dark closet a few times. You have to know your kid, to avoid creating trauma - see what's worse for them, and not do that.

If you go that route, you also have to figure out what else you could do upstream to have a great bedtime. But if it's really 5% of the time and he's 6, I think I prefer your method over the snowflake parents who let their kids walk all over them... and there are so many, it's exhausting!

Wow!

Responses to this thread explain why kids talk back to teachers and parents more often than a generation ago, and why people always complain that the next generation is always more entitled and spoiled than the last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea of doing this to my six-year-old makes me physically ill. If you've read the books, you know there are better ways to handle it than this, so if this is the approach you're choosing, I don't know what to tell you.

Funny - reading "the books" made me physically ill Too much unsubstantiated theories presented as facts, which unfortunately is the Achilles' heel of any field that's not a hard science.

[Anonymous]

I would not do this. You're teaching your child that you will do something cruel (not just punishment) to them if they don't obey. When my daughter pushes too far, I do what a PP suggested - cut the bedtime routine off immediately and leave the room, letting her cry it out. If his crying becomes too hysterical, you can go back, and get him to focus on you and have him take deep breaths and count to 4 as he lets them out. Once he's calmed down, explain again that he does not get what he wants by throwing fits, and leave the room again. He may start crying/streaming again, but it's unlikely to become hysterical again and just leave him to cry it out. Eventually he will learn that needling you does not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my kids. But spanking would be better. Much better. This is really effed up.

+1
I have spanked my really willful younger child about three or four times in his life when he has done something dangerous like playing with a scissors and balancing on top of a sofa while his brother is trying to watch tv while he is sitting on the sofa, or running across the street without looking. I have done time outs while physically restraining him so he sits in a corner. Not my best parenting moments but wow putting your tired kid who wants to spend more time with you in a dark closet is really and truly awful. Maybe you could get a couple of rats to throw in the dark closet with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people can relate to your frustration. But seriously. Your child is afraid of the closet and you think putting him there is better than corporal punishment? There's a reason why this doesn't sit well with you. It's horribly cruel.

+1

[Anonymous]

Child abuse. If anyone did this to a child at a school they would be brought up on charges and also fired. If I knew where you lived I'd call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Your poor child is going to be so scared of you. And he won't trust you at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apparently I will disagree with pp. I think it's f'ed up. That's one of the most f'ed up things I've ever read on here. I can't even.

Most of us threaten no tv, no screen time, no cookie after dinner tomorrow. Something. Sticking him in a closet is . . . awful. I'm just going to say awful and leave it at that.

OP here. I worry it's also very harsh. Some practical advice would be helpful. What would you do if your child worked himself up so much that he was crying and unable to listen to reason? This is the only thing that brings him back to earth, except of course, giving him what he wants. (We have a terrible track record of him incrementalizing and walking all over us, when do give in.)

Rewards or taking things away work because he is so worked up. Think of a kid who wants a toy, nags mom, nags more, then finally throws a full-blown tantrum. Mom finally gives in, but the kid is so worked up he can't hear and keeps going. That's my kid at bedtime.

I've used 1,2,3 Magic since my kids were little, around 2 or 3. My ds loves tv. He gets one or two shows a day. If I get to 3, it's no tv for a day. I've only had to do it twice. By 2 they've conformed. Find out his currency, use that, and stay firm. Drop the closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of doing this to my six-year-old makes me physically ill. If you've read the books, you know there are better ways to handle it than this, so if this is the approach you're choosing, I don't know what to tell you.

Funny - reading "the books" made me physically ill Too much unsubstantiated theories presented as facts, which unfortunately is the Achilles' heel of any field that's not a hard science.

Funny, I must have missed the hard science that said you should lock your 6 year old in the closet.