In-laws not happy about third pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently told my DH's parents that we are pregnant. This will be our third and it was planned.

My MIL's reaction on the phone was: Oh. Wow. Congratulations I guess. It's going to be a lot of work! She has since kept her thoughts to herself.

But today I got a note from my father in law saying- three kids is not easy at all, so prepare yourself with good help or you guys will suffer the consequences.

I have a good relationship with my in-laws but they have to be "managed" My initial reaction to his e-mail was that I should respond to tell him that I don't want any more negative emails or thoughts or opinions from them. If they have nothing nice to say, then keep it to yourself!

Too harsh? Just ignore the e-mail and say nothing at all? I am not the type to pent up my feelings-- and this e-mail doesn't bother me that much, but I think that I need to nip this in the bud or the comments will keep coming.

Thoughts??

They sound like they're being realistic, not negative.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, just ignore them. And if they do it in person just stare at them after they say it and they will feel uncomfortable and stop asking. This works like a charm with my mom!

[Anonymous]

Yeah - i don't read this as negative either. it is going to be hard work. just sounds like they have no filter.

not sure why people expect everyone to be over the moon when they get pregnant... when my sister announced her fourth i was very "meh" - btdt... of course when baby comes you cant help but fall in love

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry that you didn't get the happy reaction that we all hope for. I don't think they are coming from a bad place...they may just be worried/concerned about you two. But, it doesn't give them license to respond the way they did. I also have a great relationship with my in laws, but I wouldn't handle that conversation myself. Have DH handle it (if you two agree that a conversation needs to be held). Otherwise, just enjoy your pregnancy and ignore the haters!

[Anonymous]

Respond to FIL and ask if he's advocating that you have an abortion. Otherwise, why the hell are he and his wife sharing their negative, unsupportive feelings?

[Anonymous]

My ILs privately warned my DH about having a third child, which he told me about. They were concerned about our financial situation and how busy we already were with two. My parents did the same with me. DH and I spent over a year thinking about a third, and both of us had honest conversations with our parents (when they asked) about our reasons and concerns during that time. At least in our case, our families had the opportunity to share their thoughts with us ahead of time, although it is a decision that was only made by DH and me.

Ever since finding out about DC#3, my parents and my ILs have been nothing but positive (I had braced myself to hear anything from my ILs). Unless you really think that they aren't going to get on board, I would chalk the initial reaction up to surprise, and move on. If they continue to be less-than-positive to you, your DH should talk to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many children does your MIL have? This might be an insecurity thing. I've seen some women (not most certainly) get weirdly threatened by another woman having more kids, particularly if that woman also has a great career. It's like you are showing off or showing them up by making different choices (ridiculous I know, but some people get super weird about woman who are successful both at motherhood and professionally).

Having lots of kids doesn't make you "successful at motherhood." It just means you had unprotected sex and decided to keep the baby. The truth is, having three kids with "two great careers" as the OP says, is hard - it's hard to be a great mom and good at your job, which she has as much admitted by conceding that she gets lots of help at home. Old school people feel as though if you can't be there for your children in a certain way, then why keep having them? Given that most of us are doing hellish commutes with demanding jobs, I can see how they could feel this way. However, it is not their place to make these statements. You are entitled to feel the way you feel - it's how you act on it that can cause problems. Also, OP, are you sure your husband doesn't discuss your marital issues with your parents? Maybe your MIL is hearing things from him. This happened in my family when my brother and SIL announced their second kid. My mom wasn't very supportive because they had so many financial and relationship problems (job instability and not speaking to each other for stretches of time).

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, that would really piss me off. As such, I'd recommend waiting a bit until you are calmer to craft a response. Or having your spouse respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, just ignore them. And if they do it in person just stare at them after they say it and they will feel uncomfortable and stop asking. This works like a charm with my mom!

+1 If this is the most difficult thing you've faced with your in-laws, consider yourself lucky.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I'd express some sadness that their comments or mainly negative and pessimistic.

[Anonymous]

Anybody who announced "we're pregnant" deserves a snarky response. "We are expecting our 3rd child" or "I am pregnant" but never WE ARE PRENANT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently told my DH's parents that we are pregnant. This will be our third and it was planned.

My MIL's reaction on the phone was: Oh. Wow. Congratulations I guess. It's going to be a lot of work! She has since kept her thoughts to herself.

But today I got a note from my father in law saying- three kids is not easy at all, so prepare yourself with good help or you guys will suffer the consequences.

I have a good relationship with my in-laws but they have to be "managed" My initial reaction to his e-mail was that I should respond to tell him that I don't want any more negative emails or thoughts or opinions from them. If they have nothing nice to say, then keep it to yourself!

Too harsh? Just ignore the e-mail and say nothing at all? I am not the type to pent up my feelings-- and this e-mail doesn't bother me that much, but I think that I need to nip this in the bud or the comments will keep coming.

Thoughts??

They sound like they're being realistic, not negative.

Eff that, they're being completely rude. That's a ridiculous and inappropriate reaction to a happy pregnancy announcement. OP I agree it's probably just your MIL angsting all day(I have one of those too...ugh.), but I would also be pretty offended. I think I'd have my husband draft a polite but strongly worded response

[Anonymous]

"Bob, Mary, I'm disappointed that you don't seem happy about your new grandchild. Please, if you don't have something nice to say, keep your opinions to yourself. This child was planned and is very much wanted. We don't ask you for babysitting or for financial assistance, so I'm not sure why you feel the need to weigh in with these unwelcome comments."

[Anonymous]

I think some parents struggle whenever we make a decision without asking their opinion or consent (not that it's appropriate that you would ASK THEM if you can procreate but that doesn't stop them from thinking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently told my DH's parents that we are pregnant. This will be our third and it was planned.

My MIL's reaction on the phone was: Oh. Wow. Congratulations I guess. It's going to be a lot of work! She has since kept her thoughts to herself.

But today I got a note from my father in law saying- three kids is not easy at all, so prepare yourself with good help or you guys will suffer the consequences.

I have a good relationship with my in-laws but they have to be "managed" My initial reaction to his e-mail was that I should respond to tell him that I don't want any more negative emails or thoughts or opinions from them. If they have nothing nice to say, then keep it to yourself!

Too harsh? Just ignore the e-mail and say nothing at all? I am not the type to pent up my feelings-- and this e-mail doesn't bother me that much, but I think that I need to nip this in the bud or the comments will keep coming.

Thoughts??

They sound like they're being realistic, not negative.

Eff that, they're being completely rude. That's a ridiculous and inappropriate reaction to a happy pregnancy announcement. OP I agree it's probably just your MIL angsting all day(I have one of those too...ugh.), but I would also be pretty offended. I think I'd have my husband draft a polite but strongly worded response

Not everyone has to be happy about OP's pregnancy.