In-laws not happy about third pregnancy

[Anonymous]

My situation was the opposite--my ILs, who help us out a ton with babysitting, were thrilled to find out we were expecting our third and giving them a new baby to take care of (their words), and it was my mother, who lives very close but rarely has time to help out if we ask, who felt the need to lecture us about all the hardships we will face, etc. Send the email.

[Anonymous]

FIL email, I would just respond with a "I know, but we can handle it and it's a little too late now. You should have raised your concerns about before this. LOL".

He is probably just concerned because your MIL is worried about. I bet he is hearing all day all from your MIL. I doubt he has any evil intentions. Guy just get things out there and move. He is not calling you a bad mother. If he thought that he would say it.

I think your problem is with your MIL. She is most likely worried about things and dwells on it all day. This is what old ladies do. Do you really think she was insulting you or was just being a worried old mother?

[Anonymous]

The answer is always: the child should speak to the parent. So your DH needs to call them up and be firm to let them know that they will not make any more negative comments to you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I agree that my FIL is probably just projecting my MIL's concerns. He is probably hearing about it non-stop.

My MIL, I have no doubt, is only worried about her son and the extra work this will put on him.

And to the PP- no we are not asking for a baby shower. We don't really need anything and I would not ask our friends and family to attend a shower or give us gifts for a third baby. That would be annoying.

[Anonymous]

I don't read that as terribly negative - I got way more direct and negative feedback ony twin pregnancy. Put me on team ignore or cheerful, obtuse reponse.

[Anonymous]

I was told that I didn't need another baby since I already had one of each -- a girl and a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. And no, they do not pay our bills and we do not ask them for money. We are well paid and have two great jobs.

Are you sure about this?

I know someone in a very similar situation, turns out her husband was asking his parents for money behind her back and complaining about the kids. etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree that my FIL is probably just projecting my MIL's concerns. He is probably hearing about it non-stop.

My MIL, I have no doubt, is only worried about her son and the extra work this will put on him.

And to the PP- no we are not asking for a baby shower. We don't really need anything and I would not ask our friends and family to attend a shower or give us gifts for a third baby. That would be annoying.

So are you saying you just want them to be happy for you? You don't get a say in other peoples' feelings. If MIL/FIL are concerned, they have a right to express her feelings. What you do with that information is up to you. Not everyone things children are "blessings."

[Anonymous]

How many children does your MIL have? This might be an insecurity thing. I've seen some women (not most certainly) get weirdly threatened by another woman having more kids, particularly if that woman also has a great career. It's like you are showing off or showing them up by making different choices (ridiculous I know, but some people get super weird about woman who are successful both at motherhood and professionally).

[Anonymous]

The truth is that they probably do not think you handle 2 well and think you should not add a third. I know a grandmother who felt the same way and you will never change their opinion so don't bother trying. They are saying it out of concern for their grandchildren. You can tell your DH to ask them not to say negative things to you but that's about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was told that I didn't need another baby since I already had one of each -- a girl and a boy.

My (maternal) grandmother said this to my mother! What a horrible thing to say.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible that your DH is complaining to them privately about feeling overwhelmed already?

[Anonymous]

My MIL reacted pretty much the same way when we announced pregnancy #3. I was surprised since she had been over the moon about the first two and is absolutely the most maternal person that I've ever met. I think a lot of her reason for the lack of enthusiasm was just that she had 3 herself, though the youngest was quite a bit younger than the older two, and recognized that it was going to be hard. Our oldest is not an easy kid and she was worried about how hard it would be for us.

Aside from that initial less-than-enthusiastic response, she really hasn't made many comments and our 3rd is now 4 years old I would probably let your FIL's email go since they have now each expressed themselves once on the subject. If they make any more comments, that would be the time for your husband to ask them to keep any negativity to themselves.

[Anonymous]

I would ignore them. If your DH wants to say anything, he can.

[Anonymous]

My FIL asked if our third was planned, said wow, and then asked my husband how he was doing at work.

My husband and I are both doing well at work and make plenty of money. I think he was just projecting his own feelings about not having a third kid because he did not make a lot of money.