In-laws not happy about third pregnancy

[Anonymous]

We recently told my DH's parents that we are pregnant. This will be our third and it was planned.

My MIL's reaction on the phone was: Oh. Wow. Congratulations I guess. It's going to be a lot of work! She has since kept her thoughts to herself.

But today I got a note from my father in law saying- three kids is not easy at all, so prepare yourself with good help or you guys will suffer the consequences.

I have a good relationship with my in-laws but they have to be "managed" My initial reaction to his e-mail was that I should respond to tell him that I don't want any more negative emails or thoughts or opinions from them. If they have nothing nice to say, then keep it to yourself!

Too harsh? Just ignore the e-mail and say nothing at all? I am not the type to pent up my feelings-- and this e-mail doesn't bother me that much, but I think that I need to nip this in the bud or the comments will keep coming.

Thoughts??

[Anonymous]

Do they help you by babysitting at all? If not, then none of their business.

[Anonymous]

Why are you doing anything? Your DH should call his parents and tell them frankly that their comments are unwarranted and rude.

[Anonymous]

why do they care how hard it is? do they watch the kids often and this will in turn be harder on them?

[Anonymous]

My mother was NEVER happy about either of my two pregnancies. She didn't like that I had left home, that I had chosen someone else to live my life with, she didn't like my husband specifically, she didn't like that I was going to add another person to the group whom I had a close link to...
It has always been about her and how she wants to be first in my life.

So ignore.

[Anonymous]

I would have your husband tell them that any comments that aren't positive they can keep to themselves . Unless they pay your bills and provide free childcare it doesn't affect them

Congrats on #3

[Anonymous]

Have you asked them for a lot of assistance with the first two? Either their time (babysitting or watching kids in the summer) or money or accommodations (have you ever moved in with them with the kids)? It sounds like they are concerned that there will be requests for help of some sort from you with a third child and they are trying to forestall requests to them.

If you do normally ask for help from them, then perhaps you should heed their cues and make sure to arrange alternative help for time or money besides them. It sounds like they are conncrned that they'll be your go-tos for something.

[Anonymous]

OP here. They don't live in the DC dmv area, so they do not babysit. Even if they did live here, I don't think they would babysit for more than an hour or so.

They haven't said this, but I think they are mostly concerned that as two working parents, we are stretching ourselves thin. But we have a big enough house and enough help and obviously talked about all of this before getting pregnant.

[Anonymous]

OP again. And no, they do not pay our bills and we do not ask them for money. We are well paid and have two great jobs.

[Anonymous]

How many kids do they have? Sounds like they're projecting and worrying - I wouldn't be offended.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like saying something to them will 1. change their behavior or 2. make the situation better in any way. They said something rude. They will probably say something rude again. Ignore and move on.

[Anonymous]

I have in laws that were unhappy about pregnancy number three and had let us know in advance that three kids were too many.

When baby number three came along anyway and they met and spent time with him, they adored him. Let's face it, it's easy to be against a hypothetical baby, but it's hard to resist that actual baby in real life!

Fast forward 18 years, and child number three is pretty much a walking copy of grandpa and following in his footsteps in multiple venues. Parents in law couldn't be more thrilled with this child and can't imagine life without him.

I would suggest not allowing their initial reaction to bother you and just keep moving forward. I bet they will come around when they meet your sweet baby!

[Anonymous]

Have you ever successfully stopped unwanted comments from them before? If so, sure, do your usual thing.

But, probably, letting them meet the baby when he/she arrives is the best way to get them on board. Also, when it turns out that you guys rock at raising three young kids (and you will!), their concerns will move on to something else. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. They don't live in the DC dmv area, so they do not babysit. Even if they did live here, I don't think they would babysit for more than an hour or so.

They haven't said this, but I think they are mostly concerned that as two working parents, we are stretching ourselves thin. But we have a big enough house and enough help and obviously talked about all of this before getting pregnant.

NP here. I vote ignore! Who knows what their motivations are. Probably some personal BS that has nothing to do with you. Emails and texts are so easy to delete. If they continue to comment then your DH needs to shut it down.

[Anonymous]

What did you want? Another baby shower?