When a parent molests their young child...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you certain that the parent is the abuser and not someone else? Sometimes young children who are being sexually abused will accuse an innocent person. The reasoning in the child's mind is that they want the abuse to stop but they don't want to get in trouble with the actual abuser. I' m not saying this is what is happening in this case, just that it's a possible scenerio given the limited info in the original post.

When you thought you had heard it all...then this gets posted.

[Anonymous]

I have two rules...

Don't mess with children or animals. I'll go back to Rikers if I catch anyone messing with either....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

Actually I completely agree with the PP above you. Abuse is complicated and doesn't mean the abuser doesn't love his child and doesn't want them to be well and do well. The child responds to this affection and it may be decades before he or she fully understands and processes the scope of the abuse.

When it's a stranger attacking you, the situation is awful but a lot simpler to categorize.

The related molester doesn't love his/her child. That's evident from the abuse that is destroying the child's ability to be well and do well. The child is responding to the pretense of affection because all children need affection and caring, and they'll take the pretense if the real thing isn't available.

Sexual abuse is not complicated. It's really quite simple. Its effects are complicated.

This times a million. It doesn't matter how "loving" and "attentive" my father was, how many events he took me to or the books he read to me - ultimately, he didn't give a whit about my well-being. If he had, he wouldn't have sexualized me and groomed me and abused me sexually. There are no dimensions to sexual abuse. It's wrong, it's unacceptable, and it shouldn't be tolerated, full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately this isn't always possible. My fiend' ex molester their daughter. He sued for partial custody and WON. this is in mock, btw. I will never live in that state again. The court is allowing the bio parent to continue to molest the child because the child was too young to "know for sure". Disgusting.

I feel so bad for my friend and her child. I told her if it was me, I'd take the kid and go on the run. She said she wanted to, but if she got caught she'd go to jail and the father would have full time custody. So much for the court protecting the child.

So if the child is continually being molested why isn't your friend reporting again or raising more hell? Something isn't adding up here.

Sounds like your friend filed false accusations against her husband to gain full custody and it backfired. Courts are fairly knowledgeable in detecting these false accusations and it does not end well for the accusing parent. Your friend is lucky she even got custody. In many cases it would be given to the other parent. She is lucky.

[Anonymous]

If anyone sexually abused any of my children, they would be dead to me.

They would also be dead according to a coroner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone sexually abused any of my children, they would be dead to me.

They would also be dead according to a coroner.

Thank you. THIS is the only acceptable response.

[Anonymous]

My grandfather molested me at age 8. It didn't effect me too much until age 18 or so. I haven't seen him since court. He wasn't convicted until I was in 7th grade. The whole court procsss was a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone sexually abused any of my children, they would be dead to me.

They would also be dead according to a coroner.

That's great. Who would get custody of your kids while you spend years behind bars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stick with what the professionals say. The rest of us --even people like me who survived familial sex abuse-- don't have enough facts of the case to give good advice. I pray for this family.

For the record, Im not looking for advice, nor an I giving it unsolicited. Also, one thing to add, for those that say to walk away and cut off all contact, that is not possible at this point. There is a PO in place, but it is ONLY for the victim. The other kids still get unsupervised overnight visitation with the alleged abuser/parent. The victim is distraught over not being able to see their parent. Yes, extremely screwed up and my friend is torn to shreads each time they have to release their child to the alleged abuser. It is VERY frustrsting to sit on the sidelines and watch the "system" not protect the siblings. I would have lost my mind by now. The police, CPS, thearapists, and lawers are involved and still...this.

So they allow the parent to have unsupervised visitation with the other children whom he has not (yet) raped? Have the accusations not been proven in court? If the guy is a convicted sex criminal how is he allowed unsupervised visitation with any minor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stick with what the professionals say. The rest of us --even people like me who survived familial sex abuse-- don't have enough facts of the case to give good advice. I pray for this family.

For the record, Im not looking for advice, nor an I giving it unsolicited. Also, one thing to add, for those that say to walk away and cut off all contact, that is not possible at this point. There is a PO in place, but it is ONLY for the victim. The other kids still get unsupervised overnight visitation with the alleged abuser/parent. The victim is distraught over not being able to see their parent. Yes, extremely screwed up and my friend is torn to shreads each time they have to release their child to the alleged abuser. It is VERY frustrsting to sit on the sidelines and watch the "system" not protect the siblings. I would have lost my mind by now. The police, CPS, thearapists, and lawers are involved and still...this.

So they allow the parent to have unsupervised visitation with the other children whom he has not (yet) raped? Have the accusations not been proven in court? If the guy is a convicted sex criminal how is he allowed unsupervised visitation with any minor?

DP

All on the word of the potentially scorned wife. And this seems out of balance to me. I have seen it before and it was a lie. Before I invest myself emotionally in a situation the OP describes I want proof. Until then I can empathize, listen and even offer encouragement to a point but I am not going to have it become a certainty in my mind and heart until something concrete is in evidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was abused by my stepfather from age 8 and he remained my stepfather till he died 42 years later. (Yes mom knew.)

I only wish someone had taken him out of my life. I would have had a very different childhood -- not only because the abuse would have stopped much sooner, but I might have had the chance to have a real father.

As it is, I had to wait till I got married. My FIL is the man I will remember as my dad.

I'm so sorry you went through that and glad you have your FIL in your life, PP.

X 2

[Anonymous]

Parent or not, molesting my child is an automatic death sentence in my eyes. It's disgusting, evil and I would gladly pull the trigger.

How some families can hide this and be ok is beyond sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent or not, molesting my child is an automatic death sentence in my eyes. It's disgusting, evil and I would gladly pull the trigger.

How some families can hide this and be ok is beyond sick.

It truly is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

Yeah, oddly some on DCUM will argue that kids are permanently damaged by divorce, but not so much from sexual abuse by a family member. (Now, if the perp is a stranger, they want the death penalty.)

It is insane the way people can deny or justify something so horrific! Someone I love was sexually abused as a child and her mother ignored/facilitated it. She was a lifelong alcoholic who drank to soothe the pain and block out the memories.

NP here. I'm reading the first PP quite differently than you all. It sounds like they are saying that the child will have difficulty understanding the current separation from alleged abuser, because right now they haven't fully processed what the abuse means to them. Eventually they will understand it and that will bring it's own trauma, but right now the trauma they do understand is being separated from the alleged abuser.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't separate the child from the abuser; it means you should be aware that the child will have difficulty understanding the separation and needs support around that issue as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anyone sexually abused any of my children, they would be dead to me.

They would also be dead according to a coroner.

That's great. Who would get custody of your kids while you spend years behind bars? [/quote

Yes it is great; I will put the predator in the ground six feet under. As for who will get my kid(s), I will let the person know before I commit the crime.