When a parent molests their young child...

[Anonymous]

While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

Yeah, oddly some on DCUM will argue that kids are permanently damaged by divorce, but not so much from sexual abuse by a family member. (Now, if the perp is a stranger, they want the death penalty.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it a biological parent?

Does it matter? Jesus Christ.

It is extremely statistically unlikely for it to be a bio parent. Most abused children are abused by unrelated men living in the house.

As a woman molested by a bio parent, I find your ignorance insulting. I've known women molested by their grandfather and uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend going though something awful with their X. Accusations surfaced when young child aked parent to talk to X and ask them to stop inappropriate touching on their behalf. Obviously the authorities have been contacted and that process is in motion.

What is so hard to deal with is child is asking to see the predator parent. In childs brain, its all quite simple, request is made for parent to stop molesting, parent complies, and family goes back to normal. Other siblings were supposedly not molested.

Does a parent just sat "Nope, your relationship with the other parent is over "?
Clearly therapists and authorities are all consulted and legal orders must be followed, but this asking to see the parent, crying to see thr parent makes it all so much more heart wrenching.

The parent does what the therapist, who has the details and experience, recommends. It might be different in different situations (e.g., no contact ranging to supervised contact).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it a biological parent?

Does it matter? Jesus Christ.

It is extremely statistically unlikely for it to be a bio parent. Most abused children are abused by unrelated men living in the house.

That's not true. Unrelated men living in a home with a child may be the largest group of abusers, but that doesn't make biological fathers statistically unlikely. In children 6 and under, at least half the victims are abused by a family member. As kids age, the statistics shift away from family members, but are still almost always a known and trusted adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it a biological parent?

Does it matter? Jesus Christ.

It is extremely statistically unlikely for it to be a bio parent. Most abused children are abused by unrelated men living in the house.

Many abused children are abused by men who are relatives and living in the same house.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately this isn't always possible. My fiend' ex molester their daughter. He sued for partial custody and WON. this is in mock, btw. I will never live in that state again. The court is allowing the bio parent to continue to molest the child because the child was too young to "know for sure". Disgusting.

I feel so bad for my friend and her child. I told her if it was me, I'd take the kid and go on the run. She said she wanted to, but if she got caught she'd go to jail and the father would have full time custody. So much for the court protecting the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately this isn't always possible. My fiend' ex molester their daughter. He sued for partial custody and WON. this is in mock, btw. I will never live in that state again. The court is allowing the bio parent to continue to molest the child because the child was too young to "know for sure". Disgusting.

I feel so bad for my friend and her child. I told her if it was me, I'd take the kid and go on the run. She said she wanted to, but if she got caught she'd go to jail and the father would have full time custody. So much for the court protecting the child.

So if the child is continually being molested why isn't your friend reporting again or raising more hell? Something isn't adding up here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stick with what the professionals say. The rest of us --even people like me who survived familial sex abuse-- don't have enough facts of the case to give good advice. I pray for this family.

For the record, Im not looking for advice, nor an I giving it unsolicited. Also, one thing to add, for those that say to walk away and cut off all contact, that is not possible at this point. There is a PO in place, but it is ONLY for the victim. The other kids still get unsupervised overnight visitation with the alleged abuser/parent. The victim is distraught over not being able to see their parent. Yes, extremely screwed up and my friend is torn to shreads each time they have to release their child to the alleged abuser. It is VERY frustrsting to sit on the sidelines and watch the "system" not protect the siblings. I would have lost my mind by now. The police, CPS, thearapists, and lawers are involved and still...this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

Actually I completely agree with the PP above you. Abuse is complicated and doesn't mean the abuser doesn't love his child and doesn't want them to be well and do well. The child responds to this affection and it may be decades before he or she fully understands and processes the scope of the abuse.

When it's a stranger attacking you, the situation is awful but a lot simpler to categorize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

Actually I completely agree with the PP above you. Abuse is complicated and doesn't mean the abuser doesn't love his child and doesn't want them to be well and do well. The child responds to this affection and it may be decades before he or she fully understands and processes the scope of the abuse.

When it's a stranger attacking you, the situation is awful but a lot simpler to categorize.

Seriously WTF? How can you all flip shit if your spouse is cheating on you but be okay with your DH diddling your young child? How is that love? How is that alright in your minds? How do you justify allowing a predator to live under your same roof?

[Anonymous]

Are you certain that the parent is the abuser and not someone else? Sometimes young children who are being sexually abused will accuse an innocent person. The reasoning in the child's mind is that they want the abuse to stop but they don't want to get in trouble with the actual abuser. I' m not saying this is what is happening in this case, just that it's a possible scenerio given the limited info in the original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

Actually I completely agree with the PP above you. Abuse is complicated and doesn't mean the abuser doesn't love his child and doesn't want them to be well and do well. The child responds to this affection and it may be decades before he or she fully understands and processes the scope of the abuse.

When it's a stranger attacking you, the situation is awful but a lot simpler to categorize.

The related molester doesn't love his/her child. That's evident from the abuse that is destroying the child's ability to be well and do well. The child is responding to the pretense of affection because all children need affection and caring, and they'll take the pretense if the real thing isn't available.

Sexual abuse is not complicated. It's really quite simple. Its effects are complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While the right decision is likely to not have an abuser in the life of the child, the removal of that person and the destruction of the relationship and family can for some kids be very traumatic. Knowing because they said something, they lost someone they may have loved deeply...can be had to process.

The child's experience is very different than the adults around them. Depending on what happened, the child may not have felt traumatized by the abuse. It obviously bothered them but it may not at this point have an effect the child (although it may have a later effect)

Some children can experience sexual abuse and it doesn't impact them...until they are 20...or 30..or 40 or even later.

I had no idea DCUM had so many child sexual abuse apologists on it. Disturbing and disgusting.

Yeah, oddly some on DCUM will argue that kids are permanently damaged by divorce, but not so much from sexual abuse by a family member. (Now, if the perp is a stranger, they want the death penalty.)

It is insane the way people can deny or justify something so horrific! Someone I love was sexually abused as a child and her mother ignored/facilitated it. She was a lifelong alcoholic who drank to soothe the pain and block out the memories.