When a parent molests their young child...
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Anonymous
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Friend going though something awful with their X. Accusations surfaced when young child aked parent to talk to X and ask them to stop inappropriate touching on their behalf. Obviously the authorities have been contacted and that process is in motion.
What is so hard to deal with is child is asking to see the predator parent. In childs brain, its all quite simple, request is made for parent to stop molesting, parent complies, and family goes back to normal. Other siblings were supposedly not molested. Does a parent just sat "Nope, your relationship with the other parent is over "? Clearly therapists and authorities are all consulted and legal orders must be followed, but this asking to see the parent, crying to see thr parent makes it all so much more heart wrenching. |
Anonymous
| Stick with what the professionals say. The rest of us --even people like me who survived familial sex abuse-- don't have enough facts of the case to give good advice. I pray for this family. |
Anonymous
| I'm a prosecutor and I've actually seen families come in and ask for no-contact or limited-contact provisions be removed from court orders many years after the person was convicted (for instance, the perpetrator is on parole or special probation for decades after the fact) and seemingly be happy and reconciled. There is no right answer to this question. It takes years of therapy on both ends and kind of the perfect alignment of the stars for a family to be able to move past it. It can happen. But no one knows for sure and there's no black and white solution. |
Anonymous
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I'd completely write the other parent off and protect my children. If you live in Virginia, you move to Maine. How is this even a question? If the child decides to re-engage with the parent after they are 18, so be it. But if you have court ordered no-contact agreements and clear police records that agree this happened, then you move on.
You do not Duggarize it and say 'yeah its over now - let's just forget it'. |
Anonymous
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I was abused by my stepfather from age 8 and he remained my stepfather till he died 42 years later. (Yes mom knew.)
I only wish someone had taken him out of my life. I would have had a very different childhood -- not only because the abuse would have stopped much sooner, but I might have had the chance to have a real father. As it is, I had to wait till I got married. My FIL is the man I will remember as my dad. |
Anonymous
| Was it a biological parent? |
Anonymous
Does it matter? Jesus Christ. |
Anonymous
| Please just let the professionals handle it and follow their advice. The have epertise and experience. |
Anonymous
It is extremely statistically unlikely for it to be a bio parent. Most abused children are abused by unrelated men living in the house. |
Anonymous
Yes, but it happened. What does it matter if its a bio parent or not once it happened. That person needs to be left behind overnight no questions asked, no children meet-ups later. They might as well as be dead in my opinion. |
Anonymous
I'm so sorry you went through that and glad you have your FIL in your life, PP. |
Anonymous
You're right: no one is to blame for this horrible atrocity. |
Anonymous
Agree with this. Cut off all ties. Young child may be sad about not seeing parent anymore, but it's a small price to pay to garuntee child's safety. |
Anonymous
| This is a difficult thing to deal with, for many reasons, when you are on the sidelines. One is determining whether it is a real molestation or the custodial parent manipulating the child. How would you know the truth of it? You can't. |
Anonymous
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The prosecutor has good perspective on this. I will also add that it depends A LOT on how it happened and what exactly happened. Details so private you will likely not hear about them. So please don't be too hasty to pronounce yourself. You will never know ALL the facts. |