Cannot get kids to diet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ease up on OP. She is trying. Not easy

Yeah, but let's be honest. She sort of created this mess. It's like if she pushed her kids in the deep end without teaching them to swim, then getting mad at them when they don't trust her enough to grab the rope she's nagging them to grab onto.

My parents didn't teach me about nutrition or moderation. we drank soda like water. Literally. I never was offered water as a child. My parents thought our city's water tastes funny so we had chocolate milk or soda. All the time, meals, snacks, in between, in my lunchbox at school... talk about a sugar addiction. Then when it caught up with me (less active lifestyle in college, having to study more) my mom berated me for gaining weight and getting fat. I don't blame my parents for me eating chips while I studied at midnight, but I wish they hadn't taught me that it was ok to have chips and soda whenever I wanted it when I was a kid.

I could totally be projecting, but OP is saying some of the things my mom said to me. It does a number on you, having your mom talk to you that way, especially when she didn't give you the tools to prevent the problem in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD isn't going to change until she internalizes the need to lose weight, and she's not going to do that if it's coming from you. It's possible she will be made fun of in high school at that weight, and at that point, perhaps she'll start wanting to lose weight. That's when you want to be available for her to come to you when she's crying and upset about it and get comfort -- not more judgment. That's when you want her to chose healthy ways to slowly lose some weight and get in shape, not binge diet or develop bulimia or anorexia.

What you need to do is stop commenting on her body and her choices. Make sure that you are eating in a healthy way and doing exercise. Be a role model for her. Talk about your health and do these things to be HEALTHY, not to lose weight or look better. Invite her to join you if she feels like it for a run or whatever exercise you chose -- but just for fun and to be healthy, not because she "needs to" or "should lose some weight."

Get rid of junk food in the house but don't ask her if she eats it when she's out, and don't judge her if she does. Kids are going to eat that stuff because it's fun, their friends are doing it (whether they are overweight or not -- many skinny kids eat terribly unhealthy diets), and it's addictive. What you can control is what she eats at home and what kind of influence you are for her.

It sounds like you're locked in a huge power struggle with her, and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. The best thing is to be compassionate and supportive for her, listen to her, etc. -- and be the type of mom she's going to feel comfortable coming to when she has problems in high school, not someone she's afraid will heap additional judgment and criticism on her when she comes to talk with you about something she's upset about.

I totally agree with this. Your DD has to want to lose the weight. Nothing you do or say can force her. I was significantly overweight from the time I was 12 until I was 23. I was a size 18 when I was in high school and college. To make matters worse, I am only 4'11", so the weight was much more noticeable. My parents were both thin and very much into fitness and they would always subtly suggest that I exercise or eat less carbs and sugar. I would get extremely defensive and just want to eat more. I finally lost the weight on my own as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ease up on OP. She is trying. Not easy

Yeah, but let's be honest. She sort of created this mess. It's like if she pushed her kids in the deep end without teaching them to swim, then getting mad at them when they don't trust her enough to grab the rope she's nagging them to grab onto.

My parents didn't teach me about nutrition or moderation. we drank soda like water. Literally. I never was offered water as a child. My parents thought our city's water tastes funny so we had chocolate milk or soda. All the time, meals, snacks, in between, in my lunchbox at school... talk about a sugar addiction. Then when it caught up with me (less active lifestyle in college, having to study more) my mom berated me for gaining weight and getting fat. I don't blame my parents for me eating chips while I studied at midnight, but I wish they hadn't taught me that it was ok to have chips and soda whenever I wanted it when I was a kid.

I could totally be projecting, but OP is saying some of the things my mom said to me. It does a number on you, having your mom talk to you that way, especially when she didn't give you the tools to prevent the problem in the first place.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the whole family bikes this summer and hit the trails every other morning, increase the distance on each outing. The pounds should start falling off, especially if they change at least some eating habits.

We just did this ourselves.
1. it burns energy.
2. it keeps you away from the TV and junk food.
3. you start feeling like your body is a tool and want to give it good fuel.
4. you don't want to eat junk when you know you'll feel sick soon on your ride.

And get all junk out of the house and make sure you aren't overweight or otherwise unhealthy yourself or she'll rightly see you as a hypocrite. (And don't think you're fooling anyone by sneaking ice cream when you think they aren't looking.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get the whole family bikes this summer and hit the trails every other morning, increase the distance on each outing. The pounds should start falling off, especially if they change at least some eating habits.

We just did this ourselves.
1. it burns energy.
2. it keeps you away from the TV and junk food.
3. you start feeling like your body is a tool and want to give it good fuel.
4. you don't want to eat junk when you know you'll feel sick soon on your ride.

And get all junk out of the house and make sure you aren't overweight or otherwise unhealthy yourself or she'll rightly see you as a hypocrite. (And don't think you're fooling anyone by sneaking ice cream when you think they aren't looking.)

When i began riding, it changed my eating habits too. I also became addicted to excercise. After getting off my bike, i would immediately want to go for a walk. When i got home i wanted to stretch and do sit ups. It changes your mindset and these things come automatically. And you will never want to skip a day even in bad weather. You'll feel like the world has ended without that bike ride, etc. I got the bike idea from my college textbook when i took a walking for fitness class in college. The book said the bike is the best excercise because its easy on joints and you get a full body workout, especially stomach area, since you are pulling your full body weight. It tones and elongates leggs too. It will be hard at first. Your bottom will have to get used to the seat but it gets better and better.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are too old to be managed and controlled like this. It's not your problem any longer. Let them know (and it sounds like you have) that you are a resource when they want help. Leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Have you had your daughter checked for PCOS or for thyroid problems?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter may not be able to diet her way out of this problem. She may need bariatric surgery.

[Anonymous]

Have professionals intervene - doctor, nutritionist, behavior coach. It's a much better dynamic than parent-child.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time believing that your 14 is nearly 200 lb and your just now trying to do something about it.

I'm certain your pediatrician would have talked with you, your daughter and sent you to a nutritionist and a child psychologist about 100 lbs ago.

So maybe follow the advice you were given then or at least be willing to listen to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing that your 14 is nearly 200 lb and your just now trying to do something about it.

I'm certain your pediatrician would have talked with you, your daughter and sent you to a nutritionist and a child psychologist about 100 lbs ago.

So maybe follow the advice you were given then or at least be willing to listen to them.

mean, uncalled for. don't be an ass.

[Anonymous]

Op,

About 3 or 4 years ago, our pediatrician finished examining our daughter during her well visit. She told our daughter to go sit in the waiting room and said she had to talk to us about some paper work. When our daughter left, she said our daughter had gained too much weight this year and told us to pay attention and reset our course before it was too late. I paid attention and we made a huge number of changes. No more soda (that was hard). *Lots* of exercise. Meals at home. None of it was pleasant or enjoyable since it meant only more work for me. Several years later seeing my fit and healthy daughter and hearing from her doctor that she is at a healthy weight and BMI have been worth every minute of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,

About 3 or 4 years ago, our pediatrician finished examining our daughter during her well visit. She told our daughter to go sit in the waiting room and said she had to talk to us about some paper work. When our daughter left, she said our daughter had gained too much weight this year and told us to pay attention and reset our course before it was too late. I paid attention and we made a huge number of changes. No more soda (that was hard). *Lots* of exercise. Meals at home. None of it was pleasant or enjoyable since it meant only more work for me. Several years later seeing my fit and healthy daughter and hearing from her doctor that she is at a healthy weight and BMI have been worth every minute of work.

Great job, mom!

Seeing the results of hard, determined work is always an incentive to continue to strive for better.

You did this to help your daughter, but I imagine it helped your entire family in the process. Again, great job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the whole family bikes this summer and hit the trails every other morning, increase the distance on each outing. The pounds should start falling off, especially if they change at least some eating habits. seeing results by changing the diet alone will be difficult and slow.

Nothing kids enjoy more than forced togetherness with parents who have made it clear they don't approve of them!

Unless it's togetherness in pursuit of meeting those judgmental parents' standards!

Hope you're looking forward to your empty nest, because if I were your kids, I would never want to visit. I'd want to hang around with people who like me. , not those who see me as a project.

[Anonymous]

OP what do you think you should do about this?