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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your DD isn't going to change until she internalizes the need to lose weight, and she's not going to do that if it's coming from you.  It's possible she will be made fun of in high school at that weight, and at that point, perhaps she'll start wanting to lose weight.  That's when you want to be available for her to come to you when she's crying and upset about it and get comfort -- not more judgment.  That's when you want her to chose healthy ways to slowly lose some weight and get in shape, not binge diet or develop bulimia or anorexia.

What you need to do is stop commenting on her body and her choices.  Make sure that you are eating in a healthy way and doing exercise.  Be a role model for her.  Talk about your health and do these things to be HEALTHY, not to lose weight or look better.  Invite her to join you if she feels like it for a run or whatever exercise you chose -- but just for fun and to be healthy, not because she "needs to" or "should lose some weight."

Get rid of junk food in the house but don't ask her if she eats it when she's out, and don't judge her if she does.  Kids are going to eat that stuff because it's fun, their friends are doing it (whether they are overweight or not -- many skinny kids eat terribly unhealthy diets), and it's addictive.  What you can control is what she eats at home and what kind of influence you are for her.

It sounds like you're locked in a huge power struggle with her, and it's only going to get worse as she gets older.  The best thing is to be compassionate and supportive for her, listen to her, etc. -- and be the type of mom she's going to feel comfortable coming to when she has problems in high school, not someone she's afraid will heap additional judgment and criticism on her when she comes to talk with you about something she's upset about.[/quote]

I totally agree with this. Your DD has to want to lose the weight. Nothing you do or say can force her. I was significantly overweight from the time I was 12 until I was 23. I was a size 18 when I was in high school and college. To make matters worse, I am only 4'11", so the weight was much more noticeable. My parents were both thin and very much into fitness and they would always subtly suggest that I exercise or eat less carbs and sugar. I would get extremely defensive and just want to eat more. I finally lost the weight on my own as an adult.  [/quote]

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