Cannot get kids to diet

[Anonymous]

The 14 yr old weighing 200 pounds is all your fault. You guys must have a crazy amount of snacks and unhealthy food in your house. If you don't, then there is no way she should have been given the amount of money and amount of freedom to buy that much food. She must have spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of meals on her own to gain that much weight. She is young, it would take a long time for her to gain that much weight. If neither of these are the case then she has a medical issue.

Now that it is too late, you need to take her to a dietician and psychologist. You need to make a lifestyle change along with her. It's too late for your son. He is an adult.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know that I'm cheering you and your daughter on. I don't think there's a way to deal with this parenting issue without causing some bad feelings (embarrassment, resentment, guilt, anger, whatever) in your daughter because of the societal issues surrounding obesity. I hope that you are able to find the route to health and balance for your family that leaves the fewest emotional scars for all involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very frustrating. My 14 year old daughter is nearing 200 pounds, is going to enter high school in the fall and as of now, does not fit into the school uniform( khaki pants, button down shirt, sweater vest). My son put on 30 pounds this past school year, his freshman year of college. My husband and I are trying everything but they refuse to diet with us or work out, they don't seem to care. For instance, when my daughter goes out with friends, I KNOW she'll ignore what her dad & I say, eat junk.

Our discussions with them are jokes to them and its funny to them that the other has a weight issue. They don't seem to connect that the reason they're winded so easily and why they hate stairs, is connected with weight.

My daughter is definitely the harder to deal with.

I think this is unlikely to be true. I think your discussions are likely painful for them. They may respond by laughing it off, but I doubt it's really a joke.

I just had an enormous fight with my 15 year old son because he was laughing off advice I was trying to give him. He's like me in that he has a temper, and he's starting to get into trouble because he gets mad when adults tell him what to do, and he feels compelled to argue with them. I kind of blew up at him because I tried to talk with him about this and he laughed it off. I pointed out the many adults who have given him this feedback and a recent very negative consequence (he mouthed off to an adult and got kicked off a team he had worked very hard to get onto). He kept laughing it off. I was angry and frustrated and scared for his future if this continues, so I kept repeating myself more loudly and sarcastically. When we calmed down and talked, he told me that he knew I was right but that he was feeling upset and scared that he's having so much trouble with this, so he reacted in a way that he wouldn't if he were calm.

You might want to listen to the episode of This American Life called "Tell me I'm fat" --- the protagonist in the first story does a good job of explaining that fat people know that they are fat, and telling them doesn't really help them at all. I don't know if you've ever lost weight, but it's really hard and it seems to really need to come from a place of feeling empowered by controlling your life and opting for a healthier way of living. I don't know how you would ever get another person to that place. I think they have to come to it for themselves. That's not to say that you should not do anything, just that it's hard and nagging is probably not the answer. I used to nag DS to eat more (he's borderline underweight --- very active and never hungry). It actually got to be pretty pathological and I got pretty controlling about it. I finally backed off a bit when my spouse pointed this out, and DS actually started taking charge of this for himself and managing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very frustrating. My 14 year old daughter is nearing 200 pounds, is going to enter high school in the fall and as of now, does not fit into the school uniform( khaki pants, button down shirt, sweater vest). My son put on 30 pounds this past school year, his freshman year of college. My husband and I are trying everything but they refuse to diet with us or work out, they don't seem to care. For instance, when my daughter goes out with friends, I KNOW she'll ignore what her dad & I say, eat junk.

Our discussions with them are jokes to them and its funny to them that the other has a weight issue. They don't seem to connect that the reason they're winded so easily and why they hate stairs, is connected with weight.

My daughter is definitely the harder to deal with.

Stop talking to your overweight kids about dieting but instead talk about a healthy diet. Do you really think your daughter doesn't hear nasty remarks about her weight at school. The goal is to make better eating choices. When that is accomplished weight loss will happen. The more you tell your kids what they can't have the more they're going to pig out ehen they get an opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are too old to be managed and controlled like this. It's not your problem any longer. Let them know (and it sounds like you have) that you are a resource when they want help. Leave it at that.

Are you kidding? He or she who buys the food absolutely manages and controls what the family eats.

And it's absolutely the parents' problem when their children are morbidly obese. The "any longer" part of your sentence just emphasizes that they didn't do the job when they should have. It's better late than never!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,

About 3 or 4 years ago, our pediatrician finished examining our daughter during her well visit. She told our daughter to go sit in the waiting room and said she had to talk to us about some paper work. When our daughter left, she said our daughter had gained too much weight this year and told us to pay attention and reset our course before it was too late. I paid attention and we made a huge number of changes. No more soda (that was hard). *Lots* of exercise. Meals at home. None of it was pleasant or enjoyable since it meant only more work for me. Several years later seeing my fit and healthy daughter and hearing from her doctor that she is at a healthy weight and BMI have been worth every minute of work.

Good for you and her and your pediatrician who cared enough to say something!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are too old to be managed and controlled like this. It's not your problem any longer. Let them know (and it sounds like you have) that you are a resource when they want help. Leave it at that.

Are you kidding? He or she who buys the food absolutely manages and controls what the family eats.

And it's absolutely the parents' problem when their children are morbidly obese. The "any longer" part of your sentence just emphasizes that they didn't do the job when they should have. It's better late than never!

The son is a freshman in college. The mother is not in charge of his food any longer. As for the girl, controlling a 200 pound child is not going to make her slim. She may need bariatric surgery. If she loses weight, she will probably regain.

These suggestions are not realistic. And heaping guilt on this mother? Obesity is too complex an issue for that to be helpful, at all.

[Anonymous]

OP how tall is your daughter? There's a big difference in how overweight she is if she is 5'10 vs 5'0.

[Anonymous]

Get your daughter checked for PCOS. O