Cannot get kids to diet
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Anonymous
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Very frustrating. My 14 year old daughter is nearing 200 pounds, is going to enter high school in the fall and as of now, does not fit into the school uniform( khaki pants, button down shirt, sweater vest). My son put on 30 pounds this past school year, his freshman year of college. My husband and I are trying everything but they refuse to diet with us or work out, they don't seem to care. For instance, when my daughter goes out with friends, I KNOW she'll ignore what her dad & I say, eat junk.
Our discussions with them are jokes to them and its funny to them that the other has a weight issue. They don't seem to connect that the reason they're winded so easily and why they hate stairs, is connected with weight. My daughter is definitely the harder to deal with. |
Anonymous
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So try something other than harping at them. They're teens, and I guarantee that they (1) know they are fat; (2) wish they weren't and are embarrassed about it; and (3) won't admit that they are listening to their parents.
If you served a healthy salad for dinner, what would happen? |
Anonymous
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You sound as if you are more concerned with them obeying you than with getting them to internalize health and wellness.
I would suggest some family counseling sessions to start. Your kids are eating poorly for a reason. Your nagging them and berating them will not change that. There is more going on than just eating here. |
Anonymous
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Your son is a grown up.
Not much you can do. Your daughter can only eat what you give her. She cannot go out and buy food without money and your consent. Revoke both. Put her in a sport or exercise program. Create incentives. If carrots don't work, bring out the sticks. Dig? |
Anonymous
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Ignore people who imply you're being unreasonable. Honestly I'd view this as severely as if my teenager had started smoking. Both are horrible health risks and unacceptable.
Do weight issues run in the family? Do you think there's a genetic component or is this all about diet? I do think a structured program is the way to go here. Weight Watchers or something similar perhaps? And maybe a doctor or nutritionist, someone "independent" who can tell her the damage she is doing to her health? |
Anonymous
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Teenagers are hard. I had an overweight teenager that was similar. I suggested that he see a nutritionist and that has been working. A third party is so much better than parent nagging.
You do your part, though, by cleaning out your cabinets and throwing away junk food. |
Anonymous
| Get rid of the crap in your house and plan out all meals for your daughter. You cannot force someone to diet. It just won't happen. Encourage exercise and healthy eating. You can bring a horse to water... |
Anonymous
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Oof I don't think you're going about this in the right way at ALL. They're teenagers, not dogs...trying to control what they eat and constantly implement forced diets / fight about it is absolutely going to backfire. Likely already has.
Aside from the aforementioned, let's try and get to the root of it. Why do you think they're overeating / regularly turning to food for comfort? What is you / your husband's health like? What kind of behavior have you modeled around food and physical activity? What is the stress / happiness level like in the house? |
Anonymous
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Stop calling it a diet.
Figure out why your kids didn't learn how to eat to fuel their bodies, and change all y'alls lifestyle. |
Anonymous
Exactly this!!! They didn't get this way overnight. What role did you play in getting them overweight? 14 year olds dont get to be 200 lbs on their own. And you certainly won't get her to lose weight by harping on her. All you will accomplish will be to give her a really shitty self-image. My mother harped on me about weight all the time. I was maybe 10 lbs overweight my whole teen life. I was constantly starving myself. When I finally became an adult and suffered from depression I said F it and just ate and ate and ate. I gained 80 lbs. Is that what you want for your daughter and son? Get a clue lady. |
Anonymous
YUP to all of this. Honestly OP I would immediately seek outside help, a qualified counselor, for dealing with this issue. I think you've already done substantial damage, and if you want your daughter to have any hope of building a healthy relationship with food you need to get her (and yourself, ideally) professional help from someone who actually knows how to deal with this stuff (hint: it's not just about food). You're seriously doing everything wrong in this scenario I had a friend growing up with a mom like this. We were on vacation with her family in high school and she seriously had to hide a bag of skittles we'd gotten for the road trip down in MY bag, because her mom would check hers. Her mom was constantly making snide little remarks and disapproving comments about her weight. Such disturbing behavior. What do you think happened when she got to college? If you guessed she spiraled, gained 50 lbs, developed a drinking problem and eventually a problem with bulimia, and made generally terrible choices with regards to guys / sex....ding ding ding! Her self esteem was so messed up, she was seeking outside validation from anywhere. She finally saw a counselor and after a LONG time and some harrrd internal work is doing pretty well. But she absolutely still resents her mother, and holds her at arm's length. The teenage years are hard and confusing enough without your own mother bullying you. Some of those little comments will be burned into her psyche forever |
Anonymous
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Are your DD's friend chubby? if so, she isn't going to see what the problem is because she just looks like everyone else.
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Anonymous
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I was the overweight teen with parents that harped on it all the time. My parents constantly commented about what I was eating, how big I was (size 12 my senior year of HS), how no boy would ever love me at my size (phew. Turned out I was a lesbian...but that has nothing to do with my size), and made comments that all of my friends were fat and that was the only reason we were all friends (truth was I had friends of all sizes.) My parents weren't thin (mother was a 14 and my father wore a size 42 pants.) They dieted intermittently - but loved to drink - and exercised sporadically (my mother would 'take up' running and run daily for a few weeks and then drop it for a few years.)
What this did was drive a HUGE wedge between my parents and me. To this day (and yes, I am still overweight.) My father has more or less stopped making comments about me - but is quick to point out other people's weight ("I went to lunch with my co-worker Jane. She is the huge woman that you met at the Christmas party." (FYI - Jane is my size.) Lay off. Talk about being healthy. Lead my example. You can't make the kids want to lose weight. They need to have the internal motivation to do it themselves. Shaming them will push them away faster than you can imagine. |
Anonymous
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Lots of good comments from PPs. Just wanted to add that maybe your DD's pediatrician is a good starting point. Schedule her for a check up and let them know in advance that you'd like to discuss your DD's weight. The doctor may recommend a nutritionist or give your DD some concrete things to do from a medical standpoint. Then it becomes an issue of following the doctor's advice rather than you nagging your DD about all of this. I think a therapist is also a good idea, but maybe not right out of the gate. I know if that my mother had tried to drag my 14-year-old self to a therapist about something that was already a sore subject between us, I would NOT go willingly or take it seriously.
Also, stop buying crap food. You and your DH control the food that comes into the house so this should be a no-brainer. You don't have to go cold turkey on all junk food right away -- that could just lead to your DD sneaking food -- but start buying healthier options of the stuff your family likes. And be a good example with your own eating habits and lifestyle. |
Anonymous
| Read Ellyn Satter. Your kids don't need to "diet;" your family needs to find a healthy way to deal with meals and food. |