Does anyone really truly regret having a kid or kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my child so much it hurts. But I have PTSD from the horrible PPD I suffered. I lost my job as an airline pilot over it. I don't exist anymore as a person, just an empty shell.

The only thing that makes it ok is hugging him every night.

Aww, this is so touching. It will get better and better.

[Anonymous]

I used to have regrets when my kids were younger & stressed me out more.

A lot of "If only....."

I had my kids young so I got jealous watching my peers have so much free time on their hands.
I so wanted to just get up + go like them.

Flash forward 25+yrs later and I am feeling quite different about things now.

My kids are adults now and the things they have accomplished in life bring me great joy & pride.
I am SO glad they are in my life.

And I do feel bad for those in their late 30s-early 40s who have young kids now.
I see the stress they are enduring and thank my lucky stars **** that I have already completed that stage of my life.

[Anonymous]

In response to your question about how tough it is reslly...I can say with all honesty that it's markedly easier than I was expecting. Although obviously part of that is about what your expectations are. I can also say, to echo a poster above because it's hands down so accurate: I have never felt such damn joy in my entire life. The hard times can be extra hard, but when I had my kids it's like an extra capacity for happiness opened up within me, one which I didn't know existed / couldn't even dream of accessing before.

[Anonymous]

I had 3 miscarriages prior to having my 2 sons. I then experienced severe anxiety while pregnant with my first son. Worried that I had made a mistake, that I was not meant to have children, what if I hated being a mother, what if I could not do it, what if I regretted having him, etc. However, since I had my kids I have never regretted it at all. It is hard but worth every minute, they are the light of my life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did not want children. My husband did so we had one child. I think that is the key for us. I do not regret for a moment having her. In fact, I thank God every day that I met my husband and he insisted that becoming a Dad was a non-negotiable for him.

Same here. DH didn't draw a hard line but I knew he wanted kids and I was worried he would leave me for someone who would have them (he swore he wouldn't! but still). We agreed to have one and, now that DC is 4, we still think that is best for us. I am unbelievably happy and grateful to have our one DC though. It is absolute joy. I think my life without DC would have been very comfortable but have felt a little aimless. I know that when I was deliberately child free I would say, "Oh, I could volunteer here" or "I should take up x hobby" but I never actually did those things. (Ironically, having a kid has made me much more interested in volunteering, but less able to do so. Maybe when DC is older.)

Being a parent is amazing and I have no regrets. But, also, it is very very hard. The hardest thing is that it really shone a spotlight on the weaknesses in my marriage. The problems our marriage had were all present pre-baby, and totally foreseeable: I knew we didn't have a fair division of household labor, for example, but it working okay until parenthood put extra pressure on it. I knew DH was bad with money, but it wasn't a problem until I wanted to work less and parent more. Take a hard look at your relationship and go to counseling before kids (and after). We are stronger and better partners after getting through those discussions and rough patches, but it was bumpy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sort of, but not for the reasons discussed here.
I didn't really anticipate that my children would inherit my husband's mental health and personality challenges. Now I suspect they have and I feel bad for the challenges they will face. I'm also really worried about climate change and a general sense of American decline in the world marketplace so I'm worried for the future that they will face. What will this world look like in their old age? I'm really afraid it will be very hot, with food shortages and a worldwide refugee crisis. It makes me sad to think of them growing old in that world, not knowing what kinds of a social safety net there will be for them.

I already posted I have no regrets, but I think about this a lot too. It's part of why we chose not to have a second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my child so much it hurts. But I have PTSD from the horrible PPD I suffered. I lost my job as an airline pilot over it. I don't exist anymore as a person, just an empty shell.

The only thing that makes it ok is hugging him every night.

Aww, this is so touching. It will get better and better.

I hope so. I've been trying to reinvent myself for a while now, but it hasn't happened.

[Anonymous]

My children are older- teens to adults- and if I had it to do over again I wouldn't. At all.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband and I were going through this 3+ years ago--debating whether we should have kids. I think if either one of us were super gung-ho about having kids from the onset, we would have done it. But we were both on the fence. We thought we would be happy as a twosome--we enjoyed traveling, even lived abroad, and going out, etc. It would have been a good life.

But then I'd picture future Christmases and holidays, etc., and for me--the picture "looked" a little too quiet. We waited about 4 years before moving forward with it, and I was 36 when we got married so you can do the math. We had some trouble getting pregnant, but it eventually happened and I couldn't be more in love.

He's 2.5. When he was younger...I don't know if regret was what I was feeling. But I certainly missed being able to walk out the door and grab dinner and drinks with my husband. And I missed sleeping in (I still do). And my husband are working on getting back to being husband and wife--not just mom and dad.

But would I go back to pre-child now? No--never. I'm actually now trying to come to peace with not having a second child, which I think I/we would do if we had started a family a few years prior.

As I suspected, my child has brought so much more meaning to my days--not just those Christmas mornings when I can't wait to see his face light up. But little things, too. Tasting ice cream for the first time, looking at his face as he sees a giraffe at the zoo, studying his quizzical face as he looks at a bubbling pancake on the stove or me cracking open an egg. He's made me appreciate everyday that much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My children are older- teens to adults- and if I had it to do over again I wouldn't. At all.

I'm curious - why do you feel that way? You may be the only person in this thread who's said they regret having kids without caveat.

[Anonymous]

My LO is the result of an IUD fail after we had decided to not have kids. We struggled with the idea of being parents and then she was born 11 weeks early and spent two months in the NICU. The fierceness of our urge to protect and love surprised us both and we love her more than I thought possible.

We still do a lot of things that we thought we'd have to give up and we also are very, very aware that will change as she gets older. I second the PP that it highlights weak spots in a marriage and we struggle with that. But would I trade our life now for what we had planned? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

I am new to the parent game but we decided to have one thinking that we'd regret it more if we didn't--but not exactly bringing a parade to the baby-making game. We knew we'd be very happy just the two of us. During the fourth trimester I regretted it everyday. I honestly thought if someone came to my door and offered to give him to a deserving family I would 100% have thought it was for the best. Now, though, a little light has turned on in him and us and we're just beyond. Watching my husband become a dad brings so much joy to my life, and seeing this little human develop makes me want to cry just thinking about it. It's helped a ton going back to work and having my own space. We also both still go to the gym regularly.

Another thing that has helped is that I was worried about FOMO, but honestly now the vast majority of people we know have kids, many this year, so it hasn't impacted our social lives at all basically. The only true FOMO I have is that I have had to put my greatest hobby on hold--travel. We just got back from Spain with him, and it was lovely, but it was a v different trip than what I would have wanted. Bigger things, like my dream to go to Japan, would have happened this year if he wasn't born, and who knows when that can happen now.

Outside of that the biggest thing that has made this is a joy is that my husband never, ever leaves more work for me. He is totally committed to keeping the household running and I never have to ask him to do anything. And each day as the baby is getting older he's taking on more and more with him. When I ween the baby it will really be 50-50.

[Anonymous]

I think the fact that you see so many news stories about parents killing and abandoning their children should tell you the answer to this.

[Anonymous]

Of course some people do but this is not a decision to make because of how other people feel.

Some people love cruise vacations. You couldn't drag me onto another one except at gun point. Kids are different but it's not that different of an idea. I LOVE singing and being silly with my two-year old. It's not everyone's cup of tea to spend so much time with a child, though, and there should be no judgement either way.

If you want a kid, have one. If you don't, don't. It's really not a competition. Plus, if you don't have your own kids there are lots of other kids whose lives you could positively impact. It takes a village!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In response to your question about how tough it is reslly...I can say with all honesty that it's markedly easier than I was expecting. Although obviously part of that is about what your expectations are. I can also say, to echo a poster above because it's hands down so accurate: I have never felt such damn joy in my entire life. The hard times can be extra hard, but when I had my kids it's like an extra capacity for happiness opened up within me, one which I didn't know existed / couldn't even dream of accessing before.

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