How do I make myself just not care?
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Anonymous
OP is part of "their side of the family." What, is she an alien interloper that provided a gestational pod for the grandchildren, and now gets treated like an outsider? |
Anonymous
You have no way of knowing if they're taking advantage of FIL and MIL. Different families have different customs. My parents pay for nearly everything when we go on vacation. They also have plenty of money, and the difference between a $750 food bill and a $0 food bill would not even register with them. |
Anonymous
New pp here. Yes. That would all help. Meditation will transform your life. You will stop giving a shot about other people's choices. It tastes like freedom. |
Anonymous
You win for DCUM rhetorical nonsense of the day. That's the point of "side" of the family. She's still in the family, but in this case, it is not her history of custom that prevails. |
Anonymous
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You just seem filled with bitterness and resentment, OP. Yes, your sister-in-law should have volunteered to contribute some money for groceries. But to fight with your husband about this, and dwell on this for a year, and to draw in so many other examples of how your sister-in-law supposedly is an inferior person...it just suggests this isn't about the groceries at all, but about something else entirely. And it doesn't feel generous or kind.
If you care so much, just don't go grocery shopping. Let your husband handle it. But it would be an act of love to be generous to your in-laws, even if you think they don't deserve it. |
Anonymous
Nice custom. You pay I eat. |
Anonymous
And shut up while you pay. You aren't "the right side of the family." |
Anonymous
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Everyone contributes a set amount to the grocery budget. Repeat when necessary. Budget for small children in half of that for adults. Puberty and later budgeted same as adults.
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Anonymous
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What my i laws do is split up a list of things everyone will use. The only time this irritated me is when we were told to buy specific breakfast items that not only do we not eat, but neither did anyone else. I have no idea who they thought was going to eat it. But maybe ask them to bring the things ypu know got eaten last year, like 6 loaves of bread and a few other things. You will probably still have to but more, but at least they will be helping out. I think someone needs to make it clear that two meals I'd two meals and leftovers are fair game for lunch.
Your husband needs to be the person communicating this. |
Anonymous
| Rent your own house nearby. |
Anonymous
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For me, it wouldn't be so much the issue of $, but doing all the planning and shopping but not having food there when I needed it after doing all the work. However, it isn't particularly nice or practical to have each family have its own stash - that means fitting double amounts of milk, juice in the fridge.
So, suggest a communal kitchen but take turns shopping and keep track of receipts and divide in half. You could argue per person and your kids as toddlers eat less so you should be able to do less than half but I'd let that go. And next year after that, get your own house. |
Anonymous
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Maybe that's the dynamic in your dh's family? .
Not having food for your kids when you bought it would make me angry too. What about figuring sil family into the budget, and working it out with MIL? Here's the budget for food for all of us for the week, so we don't run out and go hungry in the morning, let's split it, sent to all involved? That at, SIL and MIL can talk and decide how they want to handle it. Mil can pay for half if she wants, you and DH could pay for other half. If I wasn't running out of food, I would not care. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
Except that they're, in part, using OP's hard-earned money to resolve the problem. |
Anonymous
| If the store isn't too far away, do multiple store runs rather than one big trip so there's not a stockpile that you paid for and others can eat all of. |