How do I make myself just not care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an awful situation. If you do go next year, along with hiding some non perishables in the bedroom, I would label anything in the fridge that's needed for a specific meal. If there are multiple items that could go in one bag in the fridge, put them in, tie the bag shut and put a big note on it - Save for tacos on Tuesday night! If anyone questions it, tell them it's so the kids know what not to eat.

I like this idea!

[Anonymous]

Do you guys live close? Can you get together with SIL in person prior to the trip and meal plan for the week? Do it under the disguise of trying to be organized so the week is hassle free... Then once the plan is made, ballpark the costs and figure out who buys what.

[Anonymous]

I get you OP. We have a similar situation in that my in-laws buy a bunch of food for the house (and pay for the house), but we go out to dinner every night and my DH and I are expected to pick up the bill or at the very least split it with the in-laws while my DH's sibling does nothing. And they also never say thank you. And we don't go to cheap places. It annoys the hell out if me, and my DH, but he doesn't want his parents paying for everything so he goes along. They pay for a lot for his sibling's family in general, like your husband's sister. And MIL waits on them etc. too. The rest of the year it doesn't bother me because that is their choice and their business, but when we are expected to do the same to the tune of $1500 or so in meals for the week it's annoying. My DH would like to just treat his parents every night, but then they would just pay for his sibling's family anyway and it would be more awkward.

DH keeps wanting to say something, and doesn't, and then gets annoyed again when the credit card bill comes in. But then just forgets it until next year when the same thing happens. Luckily my DH and I agree, so we vent a bit to each other, and then try to let it go until the next year. I also know his parents aren't doing his sibling any favors. We can afford it and like PPs have said, I focus on being grateful that we are financially self sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get you OP. We have a similar situation in that my in-laws buy a bunch of food for the house (and pay for the house), but we go out to dinner every night and my DH and I are expected to pick up the bill or at the very least split it with the in-laws while my DH's sibling does nothing. And they also never say thank you. And we don't go to cheap places. It annoys the hell out if me, and my DH, but he doesn't want his parents paying for everything so he goes along. They pay for a lot for his sibling's family in general, like your husband's sister. And MIL waits on them etc. too. The rest of the year it doesn't bother me because that is their choice and their business, but when we are expected to do the same to the tune of $1500 or so in meals for the week it's annoying. My DH would like to just treat his parents every night, but then they would just pay for his sibling's family anyway and it would be more awkward.

DH keeps wanting to say something, and doesn't, and then gets annoyed again when the credit card bill comes in. But then just forgets it until next year when the same thing happens. Luckily my DH and I agree, so we vent a bit to each other, and then try to let it go until the next year. I also know his parents aren't doing his sibling any favors. We can afford it and like PPs have said, I focus on being grateful that we are financially self sufficient.

Wow, we are totally in the same boat (down to what happens when we go out to dinner). Maybe next year we should just vacation with you and your husband instead!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get you OP. We have a similar situation in that my in-laws buy a bunch of food for the house (and pay for the house), but we go out to dinner every night and my DH and I are expected to pick up the bill or at the very least split it with the in-laws while my DH's sibling does nothing. And they also never say thank you. And we don't go to cheap places. It annoys the hell out if me, and my DH, but he doesn't want his parents paying for everything so he goes along. They pay for a lot for his sibling's family in general, like your husband's sister. And MIL waits on them etc. too. The rest of the year it doesn't bother me because that is their choice and their business, but when we are expected to do the same to the tune of $1500 or so in meals for the week it's annoying. My DH would like to just treat his parents every night, but then they would just pay for his sibling's family anyway and it would be more awkward.

DH keeps wanting to say something, and doesn't, and then gets annoyed again when the credit card bill comes in. But then just forgets it until next year when the same thing happens. Luckily my DH and I agree, so we vent a bit to each other, and then try to let it go until the next year. I also know his parents aren't doing his sibling any favors. We can afford it and like PPs have said, I focus on being grateful that we are financially self sufficient.

Wow, we are totally in the same boat (down to what happens when we go out to dinner). Maybe next year we should just vacation with you and your husband instead!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We go the beach every summer with our family (me, husband, two toddlers), my SIL's family (her, husband, four kids ranging from 7-16), and my MIL and FIL. We all stay in the same house (not my choice - I'd rather the four of us stay in another one, but I don't book it). Last year, my husband and I spent about $750 on food and alcohol for the week. My SIL and her family brought food for one dinner (we were all supposed to provide two dinners for the group, but they said their second dinner was leftovers...). They did not purchase so much as a single item of food. No milk, no cereal, no bread, no drinks, nothing. Fast forward five days into the trip and all of the food and drinks I purchased had been consumed, and when I went to go make breakfast for my family, I found that there wasn't even one slice of bread left in the house (I had purchased six loaves). My husband and I make more money than my SIL and her husband (she doesn't work), although I honestly don't know where their money goes since they've never paid a dime for child care and my MIL and FIL give them money all the time (i.e. they paid for a trip for the six of them to go see Hamilton in Chicago back in January). The trip is coming up and I want to refuse to buy food for them this year. I was mad that they consumed it all without a thought and without a single thank you for having made the effort to spend the time at the store and footing the bill and that I was left without the food that I had purchased. My husband doesn't defend his sister, but says that we should just buy more food this year so that we don't run out. I don't want to buy anything for them because I don't want to be mad about it again. But, short of labeling all the food or hoarding it in our room, I don't know how I could possibly keep them from eating what I purchased. So I'm trying to just let it go and not care. Any thoughts on how to do that short of self-medicating? (I should add that my MIL and FIL would probably pay for all of the food themselves but I don't think that's fair - we're all adults, and we should split the cost of the trip, so I would feel guilty eating food they had paid for when I could afford to buy my own.)

[Anonymous]

I would just quit going period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

We get it, OP.

No one takes care of you. You're chained to a desk, while your SIL gets a free ride in life and has not only her parents supporting her, but also your husband (who is unable to give you the kind of life she has) is happy to subsidize her when he's with her. You feel like you're watching your husband provide for another woman, when he can't really do that for you.

Just be honest about your feelings.

[Anonymous]

This is a tuff one but it happens. I cant understand anyone being that inconsiderate without realizing it but that happens too. I hate that the groceries you took there were used up, very uncomfortable. If you feel you must go to this gathering then its up to you to handle it in a loving way. If not then simply find somewhere else to go to save your sanity and your caring personality. Its not a good idea to choose to be uncaring. You could choose to explain to her that it hurts that she doest take things into consideration and if she cares she would apologize, make a food run and replenish what she selfishly used. Wondering if this has happened in the past, if so then you chose to go again so its up to you to offer her your views in a polite manner. If it bothers her then its probably better to just find somewhere else to go so that you can be happy with yourself, your hubby, yung uns, and God. On the other hand--- Maybe you could give them a call stating your plans to visit them for the weekend (without bringing any groceries)or just show up. You could start out by saying "Whats for Dinner?" Seriously!!!!!!!!!!! Do it!!! Hee hee. God bless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get it, OP.

No one takes care of you. You're chained to a desk, while your SIL gets a free ride in life and has not only her parents supporting her, but also your husband (who is unable to give you the kind of life she has) is happy to subsidize her when he's with her. You feel like you're watching your husband provide for another woman, when he can't really do that for you.

Just be honest about your feelings.

A lot of projection going on here. This post says more about the poster who wrote it than it does about the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me you are getting your own house next year?

I want to, but if his parents pay for this one again, I'd be hard pressed to do so. It's big and nice and certainly has enough room for everyone. We weren't asked last year when they booked it, we were just told that it had been booked. I suppose we could respond to that by saying they should have asked because we got our own house, but that would crush his mom and I don't want to do that. She's often clueless but very nice.

"MIL, I'm in a bit of a pickle. It breaks my heart to watch all of the work you do go unappreciated on these vacations, and I can't find a way to be all right with that. It's okay -- you don't have to explain it to me or make promises. You should do what you feel is best. But I'm letting you know now, early, that DH and I have already talked about it [make sure you are on the same page first!], and we will take care of our own accomodations for the next trip. You can get a smaller place that way, and we'll still spend all day together. I love you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get it, OP.

No one takes care of you. You're chained to a desk, while your SIL gets a free ride in life and has not only her parents supporting her, but also your husband (who is unable to give you the kind of life she has) is happy to subsidize her when he's with her. You feel like you're watching your husband provide for another woman, when he can't really do that for you.

Just be honest about your feelings.

Actually, you don't get it. I have plenty of people who take care of me. And my husband doesn't "support" his sister. He thinks she's lazy and ridiculous and takes advantage of his parents. And I could stay at home if I wanted to, since my husband makes enough for us to live comfortably on, but I don't want to because I love my job and all that it offers. You sound like you have some issues of your own to work it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get it, OP.

No one takes care of you. You're chained to a desk, while your SIL gets a free ride in life and has not only her parents supporting her, but also your husband (who is unable to give you the kind of life she has) is happy to subsidize her when he's with her. You feel like you're watching your husband provide for another woman, when he can't really do that for you.

Just be honest about your feelings.

A lot of projection going on here. This post says more about the poster who wrote it than it does about the OP.

OP here, thanks. I thought the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Make a cleaning sched. At very least SIL and family should have turns. Also, no soda!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would see it as an act of love, as one PP said.
Buy more than last year.
In your room, keep some choice morsels, that you cannot run short off otherwise you will have a fit. For me that would be fancy chocolate, and my luxury tea. I would label the nut-free foods for DS and warn everyone not to consume them (unless one of them is allergic as well).

My husband is your SIL. He earns less than two of his brothers, and will gladly mooch off them, thinking that him giving money to his youngest brother who earns less is making up the balance. His brothers are cool with it, but I suspect one of my SILs is definitely NOT. I have insisted we should pay our own way, and he is slowly coming around to this with age.

Wait, so you buy fancy chocolate and luxury tea, stash them in your room and label them so no one else can touch them....and your DH (on behalf of you and his immediate family) mooches off of his brothers having them pay your family's way? Wow - you do have nerve.

No joke. The moocher is hiding the good stuff from everyone else.