Did you marry someone you did not love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you people have the gall to trash Melania. Geesh.

I would never trash melania. but she picked money over personality/sparks/humor, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you people have the gall to trash Melania. Geesh.

I would never trash melania. but she picked money over personality/sparks/humor, etc.

Fidelity, literacy, basic human decency

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think men know enough. we are waking up. and spreading the teachings: boy's never get married. never have kids. never cohabit. never give a woman a key. never allow a woman to leave stuff at your place. always use a condom you bought yourself. never leave a condom unattended. never pay for dates. never buy a woman gifts. never trust a woman. just pump and dump and never look back. if you're looking for love buy a dog.

...huh. Rejected by some girl in high school? Rough breakup? Parents have a bad marriage? Hoping you don't actually think this way and are just trying to be dramatic; if not that's quite sad and you should seriously (all together now) seek counseling.

[Anonymous]

women are just not capable off loving a man. that's ok. but it also means that they are unworthy off men's love. men should wake up to this fact and act accordingly. and they do. more and more men are voting with their feet. they are not getting married. they dont want children. they stay single and enjoy their hobbies. they're laughing when they read articles about 35 year old career women crying that they can't find men too marry and have baby's with. they're laughing when these women see their sex and the city dreams fall apart. they're laughing when these women get so desperate they marry them selfs. they're laughing when these women complain about childish men playing computer games. they are laughing because they remember a story about a fish and bicycles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sort of. We dated for a long time. I was ready to be married, and honestly, I did love him as a person. He's a great person. But I never had the PASSION for him. And that is what is still missing. I love sex, but I could take it or leave it with him.

And I was quite happy with him for a long time. But when the shit hit the fan -- and it did of course -- the weaknesses in our relationship came out. Like the lack of intimacy (I don't mean sex, I mean emotional intimacy). And there is absolutely nothing wrong with this person. He's a good husband. A good father. A good citizen. All that. But that chemistry? not there.

So, sure. It's fine. It's passable. Hindsight is 20-20.

^^^
This. Couldn't have described it better if I tried.

+1000.

We love each other, but there isn't adoration. Emotionally, DH is a brick wall. It feels like you could replace me with any other woman and he'd be just as happy; doesn't necessarily want *me*, he just wants someone. A few weeks ago, he actually smiled at me and called me adorable, and I burst into tears because he'd never done anything at all like that before.

Rationally, I know chemistry and passion aren't everything either- I had a ton of those with an ex and we were a powder keg that blew up all the time. But it would be nice to have a little.

That's probably 75% of men or higher. Women are often more loyal and to their kids. Why so many put their kids first knowing a guy either cheats, or will replace you at the drop of a hat.

I'm PP; my DH is the one that puts kids first. He was looking for someone to fill the role of wife/mother of his kids. I've tried to make our marriage more exciting and he has no interest.

Don't get me wrong, he's a fantastic guy. We're great friends; we just never had much romantic chemistry.

[Anonymous]

No, I married someone I loved and that hasn't changed in 35 years. He has made our lives a great adventure. I felt he had great potential but what do you really know when you are 25? I got lucky.

[Anonymous]

My brother did that. He married his ex wife because she was pregnant (6 months after dating), but he didn't love her. He was unhappy and they eventually got divorced. He's remarried and very happy and in love. He's a completely different person with his new wife.

[Anonymous]

No. I dated a "good guy" for 7 years but something always felt off. I broke up with him and eventually met my husband, and everything was so much clearer, easier, more satisfying. Hold out for the real thing. Life is so much better when you truly love and respect your life partner.

[Anonymous]

women have given up on their gender role. is it really that hard to believe men are giving up theirs? wy should men care about the things that women want. wy should they pay for women. really what's in it for men? pussy is all modern women have to offer. have you ever seen what happens to a man when he gets divorced. the benefits are to low and the downside and risks to great. no reason to keep a woman long term. wy settle with a woman that had her best time 15 years ago. when the 20yo hotties are giving the goods away for free to guys that treat them like crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think men know enough. we are waking up. and spreading the teachings: boy's never get married. never have kids. never cohabit. never give a woman a key. never allow a woman to leave stuff at your place. always use a condom you bought yourself. never leave a condom unattended. never pay for dates. never buy a woman gifts. never trust a woman. just pump and dump and never look back. if you're looking for love buy a dog.

...huh. Rejected by some girl in high school? Rough breakup? Parents have a bad marriage? Hoping you don't actually think this way and are just trying to be dramatic; if not that's quite sad and you should seriously (all together now) seek counseling.

am i working on your nerves? do you have a argument? or are you using shame tactics to shut me up? if i ever suffered from cancer does that mean i don't have a right to complain about it anymore because i'm just burnt and bitter about it? theirs just no point having relationships for men.

[Anonymous]

I truly loved my husband when I married him. However, thing have not gone so well with our live, largely due to poor choices he's made and his dysfunction. It's slowly dawned on me the last few years that I do not love him anymore. It's quite possible we'll divorce. The one thing that makes me saddest is thinking about how in love we once were and knowing that not all love lasts.

[Anonymous]

Rejected by some girl in high school? Rough breakup? Parents have a bad marriage?
uhhhhhh i think almost all men have some off these experiences. that would mean no men could say anything about women and relationships. is that the argument you're trying to make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rejected by some girl in high school? Rough breakup? Parents have a bad marriage?
uhhhhhh i think almost all men have some off these experiences. that would mean no men could say anything about women and relationships. is that the argument you're trying to make?

couldn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly loved my husband when I married him. However, thing have not gone so well with our live, largely due to poor choices he's made and his dysfunction. It's slowly dawned on me the last few years that I do not love him anymore. It's quite possible we'll divorce. The one thing that makes me saddest is thinking about how in love we once were and knowing that not all love lasts.

don't feel sad. just think off all the cash and prizes you'll get. he's the one who's fxxxxx. he's the one who's losing everything he's worked for all these years. he's the one that's likely going into a depression and kill himself. you'll be just fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the feeling a lot of the women here have done this, simply to attain the goal of having children. It's sad. It's. It what marriage should be. Call me crazy, but I think you should adore and be crazy about your spouse. Children should come as an offshoot of that crazy love. The spouse shouldn't simply be a means to an end.

See, here is the thing, it is not sad!

The IDEAL is to have a marriage born out of mutual true love and passion. The couple is made up of soulmates.
HOW many marriages is this really true for? Probably not very many.

The normal is marriage between two decent people who thought it was time and hence married and started the next chapter of their life.

The ones who remain single waiting for their ~soulmate~ aren't really heralded either. We make fun of spinsters or over the hill bachelors and pity them and gossip about them.

It is far far better to date and marry someone you like than wait and remain without a family waiting for an ideal.

This post makes me so happy to have decided to have kids on my own in my 30s. I can't imagine living with a roommate for the rest of my life. I'd rather be alone, but that's just me.

Both of my life long best friends settled. One is counting the days until her youngest leaves the house so she can get a divorce. The other is slowly sucking the soul out of her husband. It is very sad to watch.