Did anyone marry a low-earner DH and it turned out okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am about to marry a man I love very much but I am concerned about the fact that he doesn't not earn a lot of money. I do not think this is a big deal but I want to go in with eyes wide open about what this means for us as a family. Can anyone tell me its going to be okay?

How much money do you make? Is your concern that he will mooch off you and not contribute financially to the family, or is your concern that you want to mooch off him and not contribute financially to the family?

When my husband and I got married, he made slightly more than I did, but his job was pretty unstable. We didn't make any elaborate purchases until he found a better job, and I went into the marriage fully cognizant that even if I wanted to, it was likely that I would not be able to quit my job or take unpaid time off. This delayed us having a baby until we had enough saved that me taking a couple months unpaid wasn't a huge deal financially.

[Anonymous]

When i married my DH made 56k/yr. Granted that was 15yesrs ago. Now he makes 300k. It's not about earning for me, its about ambition. I'd never marry a man w/o ambition. I pull my own as well making over 200k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What % of women really think like OP?

It's a troll post.

Obvs

[Anonymous]

I married a low-earner DH. I earn the bulk of the money. It works well for us. We both work. He and I both share the kid work. He's a wonderful husband and father. Between the two of us we earn 150K. Not a huge amount, but enough for a comfortable life.

If he or I wanted a higher income life, it would be an issue. If he or I wanted to drop out of the work force, it would be an issue. Figure out what your concerns are and determine whether it will be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm...I don't think 90k at 29 is a low earner. But I guess the question is...will it increase? My DH made like 80 K at that age. Once our DD was born and I stopped working he switched jobs to a larger company and is doing very well initially a lateral move with lots of potential. He almost doubled his salary in a few years. He's now a few year years away from making partner which could bring in a 7 figure salary. But right now we are quite comfortable. So if you consider 90 k a low earner then I guess I married a low earner too. Definitely worked out fine for us! Not always about what they are making but potential as well! Then again if you are in love should it matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a low-earner, in your opinion?

90k at 29. No family money or financial support from parents. 180K in grad school debt.

DH made 75k at age 29 when we married. He was about 25k in debt. There have been times when I wished he made more so that I could take career risks like quitting my big law firm job to stay home for a couple of years. I wouldn't change a thing though because he is a truly wonderful man. He is loving, faithful, supportive, and a fantastic father. I can say I love him even more now after 6 years of marriage. His earnings have gone up a bit to about 90k, but are unlikely to increase by much more.

Take a hard look at your fiance. I wouldn't marry a kinda mean, not very helpful, so-so man who didn't make much. If he is a real keeper in every other area, however, then be careful before letting a good man go.

[Anonymous]

I have to ask, what the hell kind of degree does he have that cost 180k in loans? Unless he is big law or a dr with major opportunity to make a lot of money, I would think this is a huge red flag on poor financial planning. OP you need to seriously spend some time on how you envision your life. Its not about being a gold digger either. If staying home with kids is most important to you than this will be tough on this income? Do you want a single family home versus a townhome? Live in the city or far out suburbs? Nive vacations? no stress about money? What is wrong is for women to know they want that those things and then marry a school teacher and act mad that he doesn't make more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm...I don't think 90k at 29 is a low earner. But I guess the question is...will it increase? My DH made like 80 K at that age. Once our DD was born and I stopped working he switched jobs to a larger company and is doing very well initially a lateral move with lots of potential. He almost doubled his salary in a few years. He's now a few year years away from making partner which could bring in a 7 figure salary. But right now we are quite comfortable. So if you consider 90 k a low earner then I guess I married a low earner too. Definitely worked out fine for us! Not always about what they are making but potential as well! Then again if you are in love should it matter?

In this area 90k can be tough. An average house is about 500k (if you are lucky its actually in a decent school district-if not you are looking at propbab;y 700k). child care in dc is the highest in the nation. I caculated that we spent close to $75k in child care for ONE kid between the ages of 4months and 3.5 years. Thank god for DC free all day preschool. the are median income is $108,000. So 90k isn't all that great when you figure it cost a fortune to live around here. OP you can do it, but you need to move way out to Loudoun COunty or another part of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What % of women really think like OP?

Probably about the same % of men who want a woman who is in shape. It's not fair but I think there is definitely evolutionary drive to want a husband who can support you or woman who is young and fit. I am not fit and my husband is not a high earner, so I have no dog in this fight. We are happy without these things, but I don't fault anyone for wanting it.

I do. It is mercenary and based on an underlying view of a spouse as a commodity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to ask, what the hell kind of degree does he have that cost 180k in loans? Unless he is big law or a dr with major opportunity to make a lot of money, I would think this is a huge red flag on poor financial planning. OP you need to seriously spend some time on how you envision your life. Its not about being a gold digger either. If staying home with kids is most important to you than this will be tough on this income? Do you want a single family home versus a townhome? Live in the city or far out suburbs? Nive vacations? no stress about money? What is wrong is for women to know they want that those things and then marry a school teacher and act mad that he doesn't make more money.

The degree could be anything - he probably went to a private college for 4 yrs mostly on loans, rather than going to a cheaper state flagship with fewer/no loans. I highly doubt this is law or med school debt and he's a federal law clerk or medical resident -- bc then a potential fiancé would realize that a sub 100k salary is temporary for training and then jumps up a lot when you go to biglaw or start as an attending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm...I don't think 90k at 29 is a low earner. But I guess the question is...will it increase? My DH made like 80 K at that age. Once our DD was born and I stopped working he switched jobs to a larger company and is doing very well initially a lateral move with lots of potential. He almost doubled his salary in a few years. He's now a few year years away from making partner which could bring in a 7 figure salary. But right now we are quite comfortable. So if you consider 90 k a low earner then I guess I married a low earner too. Definitely worked out fine for us! Not always about what they are making but potential as well! Then again if you are in love should it matter?

In this area 90k can be tough. An average house is about 500k (if you are lucky its actually in a decent school district-if not you are looking at propbab;y 700k). child care in dc is the highest in the nation. I caculated that we spent close to $75k in child care for ONE kid between the ages of 4months and 3.5 years. Thank god for DC free all day preschool. the are median income is $108,000. So 90k isn't all that great when you figure it cost a fortune to live around here. OP you can do it, but you need to move way out to Loudoun COunty or another part of the country.

Only if the other spouse doesn't work. OP doesn't work, and doesn't want to work. That (and not her boyfriend) is her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a low-earner, in your opinion?

90k at 29. No family money or financial support from parents. 180K in grad school debt.

How did he manage to rack up $180K????

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't his 90K. The problem is your attitude of wanting to be supported and not wanting a partnership where you both contribute. DH and I got married almost 20 years ago. I was starting in big law and made a lot more than he did. He got promotions, raises, etc. but the big law raises were huge at the time. I went part-time and ultimately stopped working to stay home with the kids. In the meantime, DH was out-earning me so we were able to maintain our life-style without my time. We are a team and the money is ours. I went back to work a few years ago and it takes some of the pressure of being the sole breadwinner off of him although we could not maintain our lifestyle on my income. Fortunately, we have learned over the years (through lots of trials -- illness, special needs kiddo) that there is more to life than the number on your paycheck. So, we would be okay no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Prenup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's all very specific to your own situation.

Yes, millions have married low-earning spouses and it has turned out okay. There are also those who have married low-earners and it's turned out poorly.

What is your income like? What's the COL in your area? What kind of lifestyle do you want? What kind of lifestyle does he want? How many children?

No one can reassure you. You and your partner should discuss this together. Perhaps see a financial counselor.

I am currently between jobs as I was recently let go. I do not earn very much and did not focus on making a ton thinking it would fall on my husband when I eventually married.

I'd like a decent UMC lifestyle with 2 children. I realize with this man that seems out of the question. We will probably live a stressed out paycheck to paycheck life with maybe 1 kid?

Every relationship is a compromise right? No one is perfect.

I sure hope your partner realizes that his future family's financial stability falls solely on him since you have decided to shed all responsibility for it.

You want an UMC lifestyle? Then pull your own weight.