Did anyone marry a low-earner DH and it turned out okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a low-earner, in your opinion?

90k at 29. No family money or financial support from parents. 180K in grad school debt.

More than what my husband earned at 45, but no debt. He's a research scientist working to cure cancer. We can't all be in glitzy professions, but some of us really do change the world.

[Anonymous]

Do this man a favor and marry someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's all very specific to your own situation.

Yes, millions have married low-earning spouses and it has turned out okay. There are also those who have married low-earners and it's turned out poorly.

What is your income like? What's the COL in your area? What kind of lifestyle do you want? What kind of lifestyle does he want? How many children?

No one can reassure you. You and your partner should discuss this together. Perhaps see a financial counselor.

I am currently between jobs as I was recently let go. I do not earn very much and did not focus on making a ton thinking it would fall on my husband when I eventually married.

I'd like a decent UMC lifestyle with 2 children. I realize with this man that seems out of the question. We will probably live a stressed out paycheck to paycheck life with maybe 1 kid?

Every relationship is a compromise right? No one is perfect.

Do you hail from 1956?

Why did you think you were/are exempt from supporting a family? You say you want a "decent UMC lifestyle with 2 children." Why didn't you make a plan for this yourself?

[Anonymous]

90K "low earner" LOL

Maybe HE should be the one rethinking the relationship.

[Anonymous]

$150K per year combined income before age 30? For real? If you're not able to bank a ton of money together on that income you're doing something very wrong.

[Anonymous]

When I married my DH he was earning $37k. This was 7 years ago and I was in my last year of lawschool. I started earning $160k in biglaw and he waa at about $45k.

Now He's moved up to about $110k and has made all our passive investments that now bring in an additional $3k net a month. I make about $200k. He had an opportunity to go to med school last year and I encouraged him to go and that i would support us and the two kiddos while he was completing his degree. He decided against it and is planning to start a business related to his field. Money and earnings or any other type of financial concerns have never been an issue in our marriage. I credit this to us both being hard workers. He does 50% childcare and housework unprompted by me. He is our default house manager and has always had a few side gigs bringing in a a little extra cash. He works hard and is advancing quickly in his job.

In any event, I love him and I could care less how much he makes. If he were lazy and laid around all day I am sure I would feel differently. We got married fairly young (23 and 26) so that may have helped. We have similar saving and spending habits which also helps. We live on his salary and bank mine so we never feel strapped for money and there is no resentment of "if he only earned more, we could do X."

[Anonymous]

What % of women really think like OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90K "low earner" LOL

Maybe HE should be the one rethinking the relationship.

+1. My husband is an unemployed loser who is never satisfied; I would do bad things for a DH with $90K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I married my DH he was earning $37k. This was 7 years ago and I was in my last year of lawschool. I started earning $160k in biglaw and he waa at about $45k.

Now He's moved up to about $110k and has made all our passive investments that now bring in an additional $3k net a month. I make about $200k. He had an opportunity to go to med school last year and I encouraged him to go and that i would support us and the two kiddos while he was completing his degree. He decided against it and is planning to start a business related to his field. Money and earnings or any other type of financial concerns have never been an issue in our marriage. I credit this to us both being hard workers. He does 50% childcare and housework unprompted by me. He is our default house manager and has always had a few side gigs bringing in a a little extra cash. He works hard and is advancing quickly in his job.

In any event, I love him and I could care less how much he makes. If he were lazy and laid around all day I am sure I would feel differently. We got married fairly young (23 and 26) so that may have helped. We have similar saving and spending habits which also helps. We live on his salary and bank mine so we never feel strapped for money and there is no resentment of "if he only earned more, we could do X."

I am PP and I should that never in the time we have been married or dating did I refer to him, even in my own head, as a "low earner". And, also unlike you, I never strove for a UMC lifestyle, even though I come from a solidly upper-middle to upper class family. Even though DH and I are now solidly UMC, thanks to me working my butt off in lawschool and him picking the right business investments, we are doing great. Unfortunately, there's no guaranty that's how things will work out for you. If you want a UMC lifestyle, you will resent him if he can't get you there. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that, but if neither of you are in a position to earn that for your family then there is a real possibility you will never get there. Are you okay with that? If not, marry someone who can provide that for you but understand you may have to compromise on age, looks, or personality.

My DH is 6'4, handsome, and has a wonderful sense of humor. We are both very social and having a partner like that has been awesome - we have an awesome friends group, he gets along with my bosses, and we enjoy our date nights. I don't care that he has never earned as much as me; he is perfect. I can't imagine how would I feel if he thought of me as "could stand to lose 10 pounds", which I would say is maybe the female equivalent of $90k "low earner". I am a solid 8 on the looks scale, but will never be a 10 trophy wife. If having a trophy wife was important to DH, then he may resent me for never being able to lose those 10 pounds. There's nothing wrong with wanting a trophy wife, but if that's what you want, you have to marry a trophy wife. If you want a rich husband, you should marry a rich man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I married my DH he was earning $37k. This was 7 years ago and I was in my last year of lawschool. I started earning $160k in biglaw and he waa at about $45k.

Now He's moved up to about $110k and has made all our passive investments that now bring in an additional $3k net a month. I make about $200k. He had an opportunity to go to med school last year and I encouraged him to go and that i would support us and the two kiddos while he was completing his degree. He decided against it and is planning to start a business related to his field. Money and earnings or any other type of financial concerns have never been an issue in our marriage. I credit this to us both being hard workers. He does 50% childcare and housework unprompted by me. He is our default house manager and has always had a few side gigs bringing in a a little extra cash. He works hard and is advancing quickly in his job.

In any event, I love him and I could care less how much he makes. If he were lazy and laid around all day I am sure I would feel differently. We got married fairly young (23 and 26) so that may have helped. We have similar saving and spending habits which also helps. We live on his salary and bank mine so we never feel strapped for money and there is no resentment of "if he only earned more, we could do X."

I am PP and I should that never in the time we have been married or dating did I refer to him, even in my own head, as a "low earner". And, also unlike you, I never strove for a UMC lifestyle, even though I come from a solidly upper-middle to upper class family. Even though DH and I are now solidly UMC, thanks to me working my butt off in lawschool and him picking the right business investments, we are doing great. Unfortunately, there's no guaranty that's how things will work out for you. If you want a UMC lifestyle, you will resent him if he can't get you there. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that, but if neither of you are in a position to earn that for your family then there is a real possibility you will never get there. Are you okay with that? If not, marry someone who can provide that for you but understand you may have to compromise on age, looks, or personality.

My DH is 6'4, handsome, and has a wonderful sense of humor. We are both very social and having a partner like that has been awesome - we have an awesome friends group, he gets along with my bosses, and we enjoy our date nights. I don't care that he has never earned as much as me; he is perfect. I can't imagine how would I feel if he thought of me as "could stand to lose 10 pounds", which I would say is maybe the female equivalent of $90k "low earner". I am a solid 8 on the looks scale, but will never be a 10 trophy wife. If having a trophy wife was important to DH, then he may resent me for never being able to lose those 10 pounds. There's nothing wrong with wanting a trophy wife, but if that's what you want, you have to marry a trophy wife. If you want a rich husband, you should marry a rich man.[/quI ote]

I should add*

[Anonymous]

How much do you make? What is your net worth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What % of women really think like OP?

It's a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a low-earner, in your opinion?

Non-equity "partner" or of counsel on low fixed draw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What qualifies as a low-earner, in your opinion?

90k at 29. No family money or financial support from parents. 180K in grad school debt.

That's not terrible income depending on how much you make. Does he have advancement potential? What is his plan for the debt?

I am looking for jobs that pay about 60k. He pays 800 in school loans every month.

Wait, so you don't even have a job and you're calling your DH a "low-earner." Do you realize you are a hypocrite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What % of women really think like OP?

Probably about the same % of men who want a woman who is in shape. It's not fair but I think there is definitely evolutionary drive to want a husband who can support you or woman who is young and fit. I am not fit and my husband is not a high earner, so I have no dog in this fight. We are happy without these things, but I don't fault anyone for wanting it.