Girlfriend laid off five weeks ago - I'm getting concerned

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing a job is incredibly humiliating and often leads to depression. Your "links" and suggestions aren't helping. If this is a deal breaker you need to level with her - NOW.

I hate that people accept this - please don't define yourself by your job status !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I think it can be a bit depressing to lose a job. It's like being majorly rejected. It takes some time to process, so getting on her about procrastinating about signing up for unemployment is not cool.

2. She has already had a number of interviews already, so what are you sweating about? If she is out there actively trying to find work and getting interviews, then just keep encouraging her because frankly that can be very draining as well.

3. Start worrying if she stops actively looking or if she hasn't found a new job after 6 months. Otherwise just support her and let her be.

How does one survive with no income for 6 months with very little savings? Honestly, I would be very worried if it happened to me...and I'm sure she is very worried. Is she looking for jobs in her field or looking for anything that will pay the bills?

OP here. I am sending her links to jobs within her field. I am not sure if she is doing any searching beyond that.

Sending links is not helpful. That's the easy part. Do you have a network or contacts that would hook her up ?

I would be more sympathetic to your position if you said "I've given my gf contacts in my network who have jobs available for her and she doesn't want to talk to them"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is embarrassed and depressed about it and you "helping" her and pressuring her is going to have the opposite effect of making her feel stressed and miserable and resistant to your suggestions. Try leaving her completely alone to process her feelings for a month, and then see where she is.

I haven't really been pressuring her except sending her links.

We don't live together so shortly she won't be able to pay her bills. That would be a crisis, no?

Did she get severance? Because that would have come immediately after a layoff, and then after a period, eligibility for UI. Could she have been let go for cause? That's only important because that's a confidence killer and could be part of the reason why she's having trouble putting herself out there.

[Anonymous]

whats the hurry for her to find another job when she has a soon to be husband covering the bills? might have better luck posting this in the relationship section.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:whats the hurry for her to find another job when she has a soon to be husband covering the bills? might have better luck posting this in the relationship section.

Op probably doesn't want to be a provider and his girl has dreams of shammin that she hasn't shared yet

[Anonymous]

Wow! I'd be so annoyed with links. Truly that is so easy to find. It takes so long to customize a resume, write a cover letter, find any possible contacts. Also - she may be using her connections before apply to random links. That is the least useful way to get job. Using ones contacts is far more productive.

I think she is doing great if she's had three calls and one interview in five weeks! Some of these places might take a month to look at the resumes!

From start to finish - sending in a resume and three interviews took my five months before start date.

Looking for jobs is hard work.

Plus - what is the big deal if she is on Facebook? Sounds like you check it a lot during the day so, so can she.

[Anonymous]

Oh - P.S. it took my almost 8 months to find a job (I was employed). I applied to over 25 jobs, and got one interview which is the job I accepted. It was so much work usually with no return.

[Anonymous]

It is hard finding a job. Even if she was non stop submitting resumes, searching, it can take a long while. And it has been only over a month, of course she is feeling down and anxious, bit overwhelmed and in denial. You are her boyfriend, that doesn't mean you should support her financially, but you should show emotional support. Life happens, if this is a deal breaker for you, she is not the one.

[Anonymous]

She should dump you

[Anonymous]

I've been unemployed for 7 months and have applied to more than 150 jobs. I've had 10 interviews. Give her a rest. Thank goodness I have a supportive partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a headhunter for high level executive search OP. Anytime someone I know is out of a job, Iwrite their resumes and voer letters for them. I even set up an email account for theim to use just for job hunting.

Just ask your GF what help she needs OP. Maybe you could get her Unemployment Comp for her online (some states are making it easy now). You could go with her to the office.

I have found in life that when people are hurting they need actual handholding to get them moving. Be nice and help her. You sound nice actually. Good luck

5 weeks is t that long. She may just be processing things and getting her PtO days paid out and severance.
Soon she needs to start networking with everyone in her industry or target industry. Help her come up w a plan and feasible number of info calls and coffee chats to have during the dayZ. Also make something to look FW to like weekend outings or trips. Try to have her get in a "schedule" like workout in AM, coffee shop for online job apps, afternoon for follow up calls, update the spreadsheet of the job search and then every other day have a social dinner or date with a friend or you.

Getting laid off sucks, even when it is totally not your fault.

[Anonymous]

Back off!! Seriously, stop asking about it, sending links etc. I was unemployed for a long time and my boyfriend would drive me crazy asking about it constantly. Getting laid off is demoralizing, let her process it and decompress and figure out what she wants to do next. She know how to find job, obviously, since she has had several interviews. I eventually found a job and married the boyfriend and it's a distant memoery now, but seriously calm down!

[Anonymous]

If I knew I'd only be out of job for 6 weeks, I'd quit my job today. I fear it will be more 9-12 months.

[Anonymous]

I think your relationship is in it's first major hurdle and it could be what ends it.

I'm assuming based on everything you've written that up til now your girlfriend has been self-sufficient and paid for her bills and housing. Why would you think at this point that she doesn't understand what it means to have no paycheck?

I've been laid off, it was a horrible experience and it's depressing. Maybe instead of being concerned about the lack of job, you should be more focused on her well-being. And no, that does not come across in your post.

You are concerned about the finances and you are concerned that you need to be a parent to her (?). Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with her? Is her not working a deal-breaker for you? Now is a time for you to do some soul searching and find some answers. Ask yourself, what would happen if you were married and she lost her job? Or what if she became ill and could not work? Would you want to take care of her or would she merely be a burden?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your relationship is in it's first major hurdle and it could be what ends it.

I'm assuming based on everything you've written that up til now your girlfriend has been self-sufficient and paid for her bills and housing. Why would you think at this point that she doesn't understand what it means to have no paycheck?

I've been laid off, it was a horrible experience and it's depressing. Maybe instead of being concerned about the lack of job, you should be more focused on her well-being. And no, that does not come across in your post.

You are concerned about the finances and you are concerned that you need to be a parent to her (?). Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with her? Is her not working a deal-breaker for you? Now is a time for you to do some soul searching and find some answers. Ask yourself, what would happen if you were married and she lost her job? Or what if she became ill and could not work? Would you want to take care of her or would she merely be a burden?

+1!