Without being told, how did you know about an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I think I'm the poster you are talking to. My STBXH would tell you right now that before he started up with his co-worker, he was happy in his marriage and I was always a wonderful wife.

And even if it was true that it was only I who believed the marriage was great, his response should be communicating, not banging some chick.

[Anonymous]

I had this fleeting thought that I should warn her about not drinking alone with a certain coworker-but didn't say anything because I thought I'd sound crazy. She was always on her phone. She'd spend forever in the bathroom at night, door open, just looking at herself in the mirror. She brushed me off when I offered to get my parents to watch our kid and rent a hotel room for us. Eventually, I told her she had to tell me what was going on and she did. Part of me knew already, but I wasn't ready to admit it. We're divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this fleeting thought that I should warn her about not drinking alone with a certain coworker-but didn't say anything because I thought I'd sound crazy. She was always on her phone. She'd spend forever in the bathroom at night, door open, just looking at herself in the mirror. She brushed me off when I offered to get my parents to watch our kid and rent a hotel room for us. Eventually, I told her she had to tell me what was going on and she did. Part of me knew already, but I wasn't ready to admit it. We're divorced.

I'm sorry. You're better off without her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

No, the problem is with the cheater and their inability to communicate their needs to their spouse.

I cheated, and I communicated my needs to my husband, between just the two of us and with a counselor. He counldn't "hear" me because his denial was so strong. Men respond better to actions than words. He thought he was good in bed, and demonstrative of his love. He was neither. I told him so. He was genuinely shocked that I found someone else who did in fact listen to me.

[Anonymous]

DD14 read her mom's diary and told me. It's been a tough few years.

[Anonymous]

I found condoms in his computer case. We don't use them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

No, the problem is with the cheater and their inability to communicate their needs to their spouse.

I cheated, and I communicated my needs to my husband, between just the two of us and with a counselor. He counldn't "hear" me because his denial was so strong. Men respond better to actions than words. He thought he was good in bed, and demonstrative of his love. He was neither. I told him so. He was genuinely shocked that I found someone else who did in fact listen to me.

You sound very self involved! MY needs. ME ME ME. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

No, I was brutal, but you're one. Good god. You are steeped in the victim crap, and it's surreal to say your stbx if that's you would testify to your perfection and you are so effing comfortable attacking people who may have had different (less perfect wives? no doubt.) marriages. But I'm sure the stbx will pine for you until he dies, miserable and alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

Seriously? You are lucky that you have never met a narcissist.

Cheating might or might not indicate a flaw in the relationship, but it DEFINITELY indicates a huge character flaw in the cheater. Statistically, happily married men cheat, too.

Np. Hahaha, touche! ^this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

No, the problem is with the cheater and their inability to communicate their needs to their spouse.

I cheated, and I communicated my needs to my husband, between just the two of us and with a counselor. He counldn't "hear" me because his denial was so strong. Men respond better to actions than words. He thought he was good in bed, and demonstrative of his love. He was neither. I told him so. He was genuinely shocked that I found someone else who did in fact listen to me.

You sound very self involved! MY needs. ME ME ME. Good lord.

Since she deliberately planned to commit a wrongful act, she had to make him the bad guy in order to justify it to herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Runner PP here. I waited for an opportunity to look through his phone. It actually took like 9 days because he was never without his phone. I didn't notice this before of course. Then I just had a few seconds so I just memorized the number on the call log real quick. Then I took the number and did the reverse look up online and figured out her name eventually. Took awhile. Then I face booked her name and found out she worked for the same company DH did. So then I sat on that info for awhile. Didn't really know what I wanted. Separated my money a little more, started taking 20 or 40 bucks out via cash back debt at the grocery store or CVS, made a cash pile. I worked but at the time made considerably less so I just started hoarding money and made a little mental plan. Then he got a flat tire in a random area of town. He called me to pick him up with some lame story. Before I went out there I looked up her address and what do u know…right near the flat tire. When I picked him up I told him. Theres about 49586920 more paragraphs of detail but its all history now. We did divorce and they are together. My kids love her… my one daughter raves and raves how pretty she is. Ugh. No words.

Hi runner pp. Thoughts and prayers for you today. Glad you were as smart as you were. Let her have him, karma has a way of coming 'round once it builds big enough to be at the right place at the right time. Perhaps you are ready and due for a big payoff of some sort. Either way, karma goes their way too. It's all just a matter of time. Be patient and date often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I was brutal, but you're one. Good god. You are steeped in the victim crap, and it's surreal to say your stbx if that's you would testify to your perfection and you are so effing comfortable attacking people who may have had different (less perfect wives? no doubt.) marriages. But I'm sure the stbx will pine for you until he dies, miserable and alone.

I'm the one who said my STBXH would say I was a great wife. I didn't say anything after that. You are arguing with more than one person. Pro tip: this is why quoting the person you are responding to helps.

Anyway, I know my STBXH feels that way because we are very friendly co-parents. We see each other and talk all the time. I think it's really weird that it's so important for you to dispute this, but who cares.

This is a thread for people who have been cheated on. Why come here to attack people who are commiserating about a shared experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD14 read her mom's diary and told me. It's been a tough few years.

I am so sorry. But you are surviving! Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found condoms in his computer case. We don't use them.

That sucks. Better that you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

No, the problem is with the cheater and their inability to communicate their needs to their spouse.

I cheated, and I communicated my needs to my husband, between just the two of us and with a counselor. He counldn't "hear" me because his denial was so strong. Men respond better to actions than words. He thought he was good in bed, and demonstrative of his love. He was neither. I told him so. He was genuinely shocked that I found someone else who did in fact listen to me.

ME ME ME. That's all I hear you saying.