Without being told, how did you know about an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He works a pretty set schedule where his hours were concrete yet when he would get off at 1 and his work was a 10 minute drive, sometimes he would get home at 1:45 or 2 without offering an explanation. I work from home so I began to notice these patterns. He didn't owe me an explanation but I sensed something different on these days.

It was little things like that.

Man, that seems like pretty small time variations. Seems like it could be explained by sticking around to chat to someone, stopping for something, etc.

It was what gave me a weird feeling, not the confirmation. The thing is that this lateness became routine too on specific days.

There were other things too. I found a phone number showing up that was exchanging pic messages and text messages to and when confronted that number magically disappeared despite him saying it was a family member. If it was a family member, why did he stop texting them then?? That was the first sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted this before but Ill post again because I think its interesting. Before this minor event I have NO suspicious or complaints about my marriage. Like none. We had sex, got along, loved raising our kids, etc etc. So every M W F Sun morning I run around 5:45. Rain or shine, June or Jan, its my set schedule. I would say I miss less then 2 runs a year. One day in the middle of the winter I left the house at 5:45 and about 7 minutes into my run my earbuds broke. I was just close enough to have time to run back real quick and get a pair out of my car. So around 5:58 I turn back onto my street and through my master window I see my husband standing up and on phone. At first my heart dropped…omg a call this early is serious. But then through his body language I could tell it wasn't serious. He chuckled a little and I couldn't see his face but I could tell it wasn't an emergency. My gut just told me to go on without going it. So I grabbed my ear phones from my car and returned as normal around 7 am. I thought for sure he would tell me who called him. I thought he would say "omg so my brother called me (he has an early commute) with this funny story" or "IT called me again our work router is down." or something. But he mentioned NOTHING. So the next run I came back around 15 minutes or so after and he wasn't on the phone…room dark as normal. Then I let it go and felt guilty. Then one day the next week I came back at 6 am again and he was on the phone…and then the next day after that…and then the next week after that. And from there I learned more and more everyday.

My marriage was great, sex life good, great kids, got along wonderfully too... People think all this BS about infidelity being a symptom of something else wrong. Nope, he was just an entitled narcissist. Which is almost always the situation.

I am so sorry. Sounds like your husband was an asshole who was having an affair. Doesn't sound like something unusual out of a movie. Most affairs occur in this kind of secrecy of routine. When the spouse is driving to work. Or on the morning run, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this before but Ill post again because I think its interesting. Before this minor event I have NO suspicious or complaints about my marriage. Like none. We had sex, got along, loved raising our kids, etc etc. So every M W F Sun morning I run around 5:45. Rain or shine, June or Jan, its my set schedule. I would say I miss less then 2 runs a year. One day in the middle of the winter I left the house at 5:45 and about 7 minutes into my run my earbuds broke. I was just close enough to have time to run back real quick and get a pair out of my car. So around 5:58 I turn back onto my street and through my master window I see my husband standing up and on phone. At first my heart dropped…omg a call this early is serious. But then through his body language I could tell it wasn't serious. He chuckled a little and I couldn't see his face but I could tell it wasn't an emergency. My gut just told me to go on without going it. So I grabbed my ear phones from my car and returned as normal around 7 am. I thought for sure he would tell me who called him. I thought he would say "omg so my brother called me (he has an early commute) with this funny story" or "IT called me again our work router is down." or something. But he mentioned NOTHING. So the next run I came back around 15 minutes or so after and he wasn't on the phone…room dark as normal. Then I let it go and felt guilty. Then one day the next week I came back at 6 am again and he was on the phone…and then the next day after that…and then the next week after that. And from there I learned more and more everyday.

What did you learn, and how? When did you confront him, if you did? Are you divorced?

I'm very sorry, as I'm sure this is painful for you, but this is such an intriguing post.

[Anonymous]

^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

Seriously? You are lucky that you have never met a narcissist.

Cheating might or might not indicate a flaw in the relationship, but it DEFINITELY indicates a huge character flaw in the cheater. Statistically, happily married men cheat, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

No, the problem is with the cheater and their inability to communicate their needs to their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Runner PP here. I waited for an opportunity to look through his phone. It actually took like 9 days because he was never without his phone. I didn't notice this before of course. Then I just had a few seconds so I just memorized the number on the call log real quick. Then I took the number and did the reverse look up online and figured out her name eventually. Took awhile. Then I face booked her name and found out she worked for the same company DH did. So then I sat on that info for awhile. Didn't really know what I wanted. Separated my money a little more, started taking 20 or 40 bucks out via cash back debt at the grocery store or CVS, made a cash pile. I worked but at the time made considerably less so I just started hoarding money and made a little mental plan. Then he got a flat tire in a random area of town. He called me to pick him up with some lame story. Before I went out there I looked up her address and what do u know…right near the flat tire. When I picked him up I told him. Theres about 49586920 more paragraphs of detail but its all history now. We did divorce and they are together. My kids love her… my one daughter raves and raves how pretty she is. Ugh. No words.

[Anonymous]

Saw pictures of his other family posted on a public facebook group.

[Anonymous]

Found texts on our family iPad, somehow his phone text were showing up on the iPad. I think maybe bc of an update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this before but Ill post again because I think its interesting. Before this minor event I have NO suspicious or complaints about my marriage. Like none. We had sex, got along, loved raising our kids, etc etc. So every M W F Sun morning I run around 5:45. Rain or shine, June or Jan, its my set schedule. I would say I miss less then 2 runs a year. One day in the middle of the winter I left the house at 5:45 and about 7 minutes into my run my earbuds broke. I was just close enough to have time to run back real quick and get a pair out of my car. So around 5:58 I turn back onto my street and through my master window I see my husband standing up and on phone. At first my heart dropped…omg a call this early is serious. But then through his body language I could tell it wasn't serious. He chuckled a little and I couldn't see his face but I could tell it wasn't an emergency. My gut just told me to go on without going it. So I grabbed my ear phones from my car and returned as normal around 7 am. I thought for sure he would tell me who called him. I thought he would say "omg so my brother called me (he has an early commute) with this funny story" or "IT called me again our work router is down." or something. But he mentioned NOTHING. So the next run I came back around 15 minutes or so after and he wasn't on the phone…room dark as normal. Then I let it go and felt guilty. Then one day the next week I came back at 6 am again and he was on the phone…and then the next day after that…and then the next week after that. And from there I learned more and more everyday.

This makes me sick to my stomach. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saw pictures of his other family posted on a public facebook group.

Holy fuck. A whole other family?

[Anonymous]

She basically told me, without telling me. She'd go on and on about a much older senior executive guy at work who was taking her out for lunch and driving her around DC in his convertible. I'm not the smartest guy in the world but I put 2 +2 together.

[Anonymous]

These stories are heartbreaking to me. I didn't even know I had a heart to break! (I too was cheated on in a huge way)

For mine though there is literally nothing else to it though than my gut. Then I started digging. But I only started digging based on the bad feeling. I think as women we have a sense of it probably primal, for our own survival.

[Anonymous]

Used a keystroke logger to get her email password then read her email and found a message where she was "breaking up" with a surfing instructor she met on a work trip. She said "lets be honest, the sex was great, but I need to break I off...". He had also emailed her during her work trip asking her to perform specific sex acts on him.