Without being told, how did you know about an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man...I got a doozy. I'm just glad it didn't take long to uncover. Just knowing she was whoring around makes me sick:

So, before a work trip sex cut off. Like nothing. Lots of arguments and stuff and I was frankly glad she left. Well, during her trip, she was ignoring class, messages and such from me. She's busy I thought, no big deal. The thing was, she had been working in this form for our daycare stuff and I was told by the staff they needed this paperwork like yesterday..so I ask her were is it as she was filming it out. The staff had emailed it to her so I just said I'll get it from here and print it out. It had personal info I didn't know that I needed (like wife's SSN).

That night, I hear nothing from her so I logged into her laptop. She's not aware I had the password, but I figured it out a while back. Here's were I was lucky. She never rebooted her stuff, so it was plugged in underneath the bed so I pulled it out and opened it up and she had a browser session she never closed. I wasn't there to snoop on FB but needed to find the documents I needed when all of a sudden the FB chat sound goes off and bam, tons of messages show up. From a guy...so I looked. It was pretty bad. So the times I did talk to her she said she just went back to her room and ordered food..that was a lie. She mentioned going out with the ladies one night...also a lie. Right in front of me were these messages of plans she made with this guy - who worked for the same agency - about meeting up for dinner and hanging out.

Why would she lie? I screenshotted that and kept it. Glad I did too, she deleted the conversation. I played like I didn't know. Next day I asked her what she did for dinner, just went back to room she said. Since she takes care of the verizon bill I wanted to see if I could log into that. I didn't have the account but the credentials were saved in her open browser session. I noted a high volume of texts to a number. I reverse looked it up and it had the same area code of the guy she was messaging in FB. I paid for a quick check - like five bucks - and it verified who it was. Since her tablet was behind, I also saw where she had been as the devices were tied together. I told her I wanted to use it to give it to our kid to play games and she gave me the password. So I took screenshots of the places she was. I also verified in the web by her cell phone pings. She lied again. The killer was the message from him I managed to catch late at night talking about how fun she was and how they neede to hook up again. I admit, I sat up until 2AM watching in almost real time on messages and cellphone pings my wife cheating on me. I was a wreck. She deleted the last of the conversations but I had the evidence. As I suspected she would try to hide it.

So when she was at the airport I talked to her and asked her about her trip and that I missed her. She was like , I'm boarding turning off my phone. I took the day off work because I was a mess, but as she boarded I sent her the screenshots of her conversations, the cellphone pings, the texts to and from that number (no content, just the numbers) and saw she was using snapchat as Cerizon shows what apps are used as goes Google if you tie your phone to your gmail.

I put my phone on silent, went to the gym and out it in the locker and went and crushed some iron. When I picked my phone up I could see my messages hit the mark. I had about 50 texts. She must have not turned off her phone right away but later found out she dropped of the call with me to text him more. She probably saw them come through. She had to sit on two flights knowing I knew.

When she got back in the early afternoon she picked our kid up from daycare and I made myself scarce. After the gym I went to a friend's house and hung out and told him what happened. I got tons of calls, texts. "We need to talk". "We need to talk". "Why aren't you answering?" "I'm sorry". Yeah...I didn't have time to hear that. Anyways, that how I found out.

Daaaamn. That sucks. But nice timing on the reveal. I hope you divorced her slutty ass though.

Oh I did eventually. There was a period of about three or four months where I just didn't have any emotion at all. I'm just going through the actions every day with no thought. I remember the day when it actually hit me we were in marriage counseling And I got up and left. I just couldn't deal with it anymore and told the therapist and my wife that it was over. Is the kicker he was married as well. I never did tell his wife perhaps I should've

I found out when she was taking a shower. She left her phone on the bed and a text popped up,I just happened to see a small preview of the message and it didn't look good. I walked into the shower and asked "who the duck is so and so?" Just s friend...well how come he just texted you some pics and why haven't you mentioned him before?" I told her to open her phone before I smash it with a hammer. She did and I read everything.

I hindsight your way was better, we went to councilling to work on things but I was so mad I was stuffing no another girl in about a month. Seemed like a good idea at the time but I lost the moral high ground. Met this girl at the gym and had some of the best sex I ever had. Probably because I was angry and venegeful. Anyways, don't do what I did..do what you did.

Assume you told your wife you had a revenge affair.
Are you still married?

I didn't, I'm married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound odd, but I frequently have dreams when things aren't right. For whatever reason my dreams and my reality are closely linked. I tend to be a pretty oblivious (**trusting) person, so something can be happening right underneath my nose and I won't see it, but my dreams alert me to things. No matter how wrong I want them to be they were always accurate with my ex

+1, me too

Interesting. I'm a cynical non-trusting person and recently had a dream hinting I should not trust someone at work whom I previously trusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound odd, but I frequently have dreams when things aren't right. For whatever reason my dreams and my reality are closely linked. I tend to be a pretty oblivious (**trusting) person, so something can be happening right underneath my nose and I won't see it, but my dreams alert me to things. No matter how wrong I want them to be they were always accurate with my ex

+1, me too

Interesting. I'm a cynical non-trusting person and recently had a dream hinting I should not trust someone at work whom I previously trusted.

Watch your back, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Change in behaviour : password protect phone + being secretive

This. Always took phone everywhere, and would never let me use it ("just go get yours!"). It was very suspicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

Seriously? You are lucky that you have never met a narcissist.

Cheating might or might not indicate a flaw in the relationship, but it DEFINITELY indicates a huge character flaw in the cheater. Statistically, happily married men cheat, too.

This times a trillion. In any case, having issues in a marriage is no justification. When my husband cheated - yeah, we were having issues. But I didn't cheat in response to the issues. He did. Says more about the cheater than the relationship, always.

[Anonymous]

To the PP who had the revenge affair: are you still in touch with the gym girl?

Do you find keeping your affair a secret from your wife to be a burden? Or do you enjoy the fact that you got away with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

Seriously? You are lucky that you have never met a narcissist.

Cheating might or might not indicate a flaw in the relationship, but it DEFINITELY indicates a huge character flaw in the cheater. Statistically, happily married men cheat, too.

This times a trillion. In any case, having issues in a marriage is no justification. When my husband cheated - yeah, we were having issues. But I didn't cheat in response to the issues. He did. Says more about the cheater than the relationship, always.

Nah, it just says you probably weren't interested in sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

Seriously? You are lucky that you have never met a narcissist.

Cheating might or might not indicate a flaw in the relationship, but it DEFINITELY indicates a huge character flaw in the cheater. Statistically, happily married men cheat, too.

This times a trillion. In any case, having issues in a marriage is no justification. When my husband cheated - yeah, we were having issues. But I didn't cheat in response to the issues. He did. Says more about the cheater than the relationship, always.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who had the revenge affair: are you still in touch with the gym girl?

Do you find keeping your affair a secret from your wife to be a burden? Or do you enjoy the fact that you got away with it?

Yes. I haven't had sex with her in a while though. But I see her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ According to you, perhaps not to him.

I had this same thought. The cheated upon often claim that all was great. No. No it wasn't. Not claiming your spouse is justified in what s/he did, but there is a problem between the two of you if s/he feels the need to step out.

Seriously? You are lucky that you have never met a narcissist.

Cheating might or might not indicate a flaw in the relationship, but it DEFINITELY indicates a huge character flaw in the cheater. Statistically, happily married men cheat, too.

This times a trillion. In any case, having issues in a marriage is no justification. When my husband cheated - yeah, we were having issues. But I didn't cheat in response to the issues. He did. Says more about the cheater than the relationship, always.

Nah, it just says you probably weren't interested in sex.

Such a tired argument

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who had the revenge affair: are you still in touch with the gym girl?

Do you find keeping your affair a secret from your wife to be a burden? Or do you enjoy the fact that you got away with it?

Yes. I haven't had sex with her in a while though. But I see her.

Do you have the urge to have sex with her again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who had the revenge affair: are you still in touch with the gym girl?

Do you find keeping your affair a secret from your wife to be a burden? Or do you enjoy the fact that you got away with it?

Yes. I haven't had sex with her in a while though. But I see her.

Do you have the urge to have sex with her again?

Yes, she's hot. I mean really hot, and strong.

[Anonymous]

Found out totally by accident despite my own unwillingness to accept the signs. And there were plenty.

She had one of those old GPS units that you stuck in the window. I was dropping off her car for service and took the GPS out to take it with me. Noticed that one of the recent searches was for an odd address in Fredricksburg. Looked it up online and discovered that it was a hotel. Started noticing that she took her phone with her everywhere in the house. She left the room – the phone went with her. Also noticed that sometimes in the middle of the day, she was unreachable. Got a call from her boss asking if I knew where she was – when she had told me she was going to work. I was still in denial and did not mention it or confront her. The wake up call was, unbeknownst to her, a friend of mine seeing her getting cozy with a guy in a hotel restaurant downtown. He texted me a pic. Also texted me a pic of them walking to the hotel elevator about 20 minutes later. I can be petty so I texted her the pics with a text “Having fun?” I turned my phone off. Turned it on later with about 10 increasingly frantic voicemails ranging from outrage at my snooping to crying apologies. I got home late that night – she waited up and confessed everything. It was an old flame. We went to counseling but eventually divorced.

[Anonymous]

He started taking way too many business trips. He was hard to reach and not responding to texts. Then he started talking about moving to a city where none of us had any family but "there were business opportunities." Well...I did snoop. It was all too suspicious. Found out he had an affair with a colleague who lived in that city. I confronted her over the phone. She was a real piece of work.

Turned out a lot of our mutual friends knew about this affair. I cut them off completely. Divorced his sorry ass too. He ended up marrying her and divorcing her too. Turned out she couldn't have kids and he really wanted more. It's now been 6 years since our divorce, yet he still calls or e-mails at least once a week to find out if I have "changed my mind about getting back together."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He started taking way too many business trips. He was hard to reach and not responding to texts. Then he started talking about moving to a city where none of us had any family but "there were business opportunities." Well...I did snoop. It was all too suspicious. Found out he had an affair with a colleague who lived in that city. I confronted her over the phone. She was a real piece of work.

Turned out a lot of our mutual friends knew about this affair. I cut them off completely. Divorced his sorry ass too. He ended up marrying her and divorcing her too. Turned out she couldn't have kids and he really wanted more. It's now been 6 years since our divorce, yet he still calls or e-mails at least once a week to find out if I have "changed my mind about getting back together."

What a piece of shit