Tired of being the grownup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Today we were purchasing some home renovation materials, boxes of heavy tiles, a heavy cement board (weighs a ton) were sitting in the cart. My husband went to get one last thing while we pulled the cart into the line. I had to count some of the specialty tiles bc they were btmy the piece, and that took a while. Meanwhile, he came back with an armful of stuff just after the lady had begun checking us out and proceeded to revert mentally to his home in space... i struggled to lift these board and the 50 lb boxes out of the cart, and then looked at his and was like- "Why am I doing this?" ***Literal response: (whining, annoyed) "Why can you just tell me you need me to help?!" I looked at disbelief.."You think I should just lift all of this stuff on my own, or that I should have to tell you to help?? You dont see me struggling, you don't even bother to add 1 +1 knowing we are inline and need to check out.... I need to "tell" you?? Its so pathetic. Buying the rest of the tile online and having it delivered.
third one, was like, "hello?? Why am I doing this?"

So, why didn't you just ask him to help you lift?

He was standing two feet from me watching me.

Just because his eyes are facing your general direction you doesn't mean he is paying attention.

Next time, just ask for help. Don't expect people to preemptively react to your every need without being asked.

NP here, his isn't a mind reading exercise. They are both purchasing these items, there's no good reason they wouldn't both be putting things on the conveyor belt.

+1

How does he usually check out his items? Just stand there dumbly until the check out lady screams at him to move? WTH?

Yes.... he is out to lunch at any given moment. I am tired of being the to-do list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Today we were purchasing some home renovation materials, boxes of heavy tiles, a heavy cement board (weighs a ton) were sitting in the cart. My husband went to get one last thing while we pulled the cart into the line. I had to count some of the specialty tiles bc they were btmy the piece, and that took a while. Meanwhile, he came back with an armful of stuff just after the lady had begun checking us out and proceeded to revert mentally to his home in space... i struggled to lift these board and the 50 lb boxes out of the cart, and then looked at his and was like- "Why am I doing this?" ***Literal response: (whining, annoyed) "Why can you just tell me you need me to help?!" I looked at disbelief.."You think I should just lift all of this stuff on my own, or that I should have to tell you to help?? You dont see me struggling, you don't even bother to add 1 +1 knowing we are inline and need to check out.... I need to "tell" you?? Its so pathetic. Buying the rest of the tile online and having it delivered.
third one, was like, "hello?? Why am I doing this?"

So, why didn't you just ask him to help you lift?

He was standing two feet from me watching me.

Just because his eyes are facing your general direction you doesn't mean he is paying attention.

Next time, just ask for help. Don't expect people to preemptively react to your every need without being asked.

Serious question here in response. What about anticipating "some" needs ...? At what point is a relationahip that requires such explicit instructuon nothing more than a to-do list between a task master and her "helper" versus a partnership between two equals?

Doesn't this contribute to the learned helplessness he exhibits? Why is he entitled to just stand there while I do 19 other things including possibly injuring myself trying to get through a checkout on a major holiday shopping day?

He may have just been lost in thought. It doesn't mean that he never has to do anything unless you ask. Why automatically jump to such cynical and dramatic conclusions?

[Anonymous]

Ah the female libs on DCUM- no pleasing you bitches right? GFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Today we were purchasing some home renovation materials, boxes of heavy tiles, a heavy cement board (weighs a ton) were sitting in the cart. My husband went to get one last thing while we pulled the cart into the line. I had to count some of the specialty tiles bc they were btmy the piece, and that took a while. Meanwhile, he came back with an armful of stuff just after the lady had begun checking us out and proceeded to revert mentally to his home in space... i struggled to lift these board and the 50 lb boxes out of the cart, and then looked at his and was like- "Why am I doing this?" ***Literal response: (whining, annoyed) "Why can you just tell me you need me to help?!" I looked at disbelief.."You think I should just lift all of this stuff on my own, or that I should have to tell you to help?? You dont see me struggling, you don't even bother to add 1 +1 knowing we are inline and need to check out.... I need to "tell" you?? Its so pathetic. Buying the rest of the tile online and having it delivered.
third one, was like, "hello?? Why am I doing this?"

So, why didn't you just ask him to help you lift?

He was standing two feet from me watching me.

Just because his eyes are facing your general direction you doesn't mean he is paying attention.

Next time, just ask for help. Don't expect people to preemptively react to your every need without being asked.

NP here, his isn't a mind reading exercise. They are both purchasing these items, there's no good reason they wouldn't both be putting things on the conveyor belt.

+1

How does he usually check out his items? Just stand there dumbly until the check out lady screams at him to move? WTH?

Yes.... he is out to lunch at any given moment. I am tired of being the to-do list.

Wow. Next time I would just stand behind him, not doing anything. Or walk away. Let him deal with the consequences.

Sounds like he acts helpless and clueless because he knows you will do it for him. Bonus for him: if you so much as ask for help or act annoyed, he gets to snap at you and start an argument about how "unreasonable" you're being.

I grew up with a father like this. it was fucking exhausting. Cutting him out of my life is the best thing I ever did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah the female libs on DCUM- no pleasing you bitches right? GFY

Reading this thread makes me realize that most people have the relationship that they deserve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the female libs on DCUM- no pleasing you bitches right? GFY

Reading this thread makes me realize that most people have the relationship that they deserve.

Oh isnt that tidy.... of course it mist be that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Today we were purchasing some home renovation materials, boxes of heavy tiles, a heavy cement board (weighs a ton) were sitting in the cart. My husband went to get one last thing while we pulled the cart into the line. I had to count some of the specialty tiles bc they were btmy the piece, and that took a while. Meanwhile, he came back with an armful of stuff just after the lady had begun checking us out and proceeded to revert mentally to his home in space... i struggled to lift these board and the 50 lb boxes out of the cart, and then looked at his and was like- "Why am I doing this?" ***Literal response: (whining, annoyed) "Why can you just tell me you need me to help?!" I looked at disbelief.."You think I should just lift all of this stuff on my own, or that I should have to tell you to help?? You dont see me struggling, you don't even bother to add 1 +1 knowing we are inline and need to check out.... I need to "tell" you?? Its so pathetic. Buying the rest of the tile online and having it delivered.
third one, was like, "hello?? Why am I doing this?"

So, why didn't you just ask him to help you lift?

He was standing two feet from me watching me.

Just because his eyes are facing your general direction you doesn't mean he is paying attention.

Next time, just ask for help. Don't expect people to preemptively react to your every need without being asked.

Serious question here in response. What about anticipating "some" needs ...? At what point is a relationahip that requires such explicit instructuon nothing more than a to-do list between a task master and her "helper" versus a partnership between two equals?

Doesn't this contribute to the learned helplessness he exhibits? Why is he entitled to just stand there while I do 19 other things including possibly injuring myself trying to get through a checkout on a major holiday shopping day?

He may have just been lost in thought. It doesn't mean that he never has to do anything unless you ask. Why automatically jump to such cynical and dramatic conclusions?

The anecdote was specifically to illustrate a recurring issue. I jave to remind him to drive after a light turns green because he gets so spaced out at a red light. That is actually very dangerous as well as tiring and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the female libs on DCUM- no pleasing you bitches right? GFY

Reading this thread makes me realize that most people have the relationship that they deserve.

Not OP's husband. He's riding a gravy train and hasn't done jack shit to deserve anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the female libs on DCUM- no pleasing you bitches right? GFY

Reading this thread makes me realize that most people have the relationship that they deserve.

Not OP's husband. He's riding a gravy train and hasn't done jack shit to deserve anything.

And he has quite the company frombthe other stories on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah the female libs on DCUM- no pleasing you bitches right? GFY

Reading this thread makes me realize that most people have the relationship that they deserve.

Not OP's husband. He's riding a gravy train and hasn't done jack shit to deserve anything.

And he has quite the company frombthe other stories on here.

Yep. Company he treats as a slave. Lucky douche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet if he had to parent alone 50% of the time he'd magically find ways to manage. If I were you I'd stop intervening and picking up after him. I know it's very hard, but you may be surprised.

For instance if he fails to get groceries, no dinner, just feed the child. If you expect guests and he doesn't clean up or get things, don't scramble, just let the chips fall and explain "Larlo forgot to get the grocery and wine while I was at work... Do you mind if we order pizza"' similarly don't collect or do his laundry. Let him feed his child what and when he wants and deal with the fallout. Remember the child will soon be old enough to wash and feed herself. There won't be any lasting harm.

Many times men don't see the countless tasks it takes to run a household until they have to do them. ADHD or no, he's a selfish ass.

He'd find ways to manage?

Oh yeah, like 6 hours of TV a day and Mac & Cheese for every meal. And the same kids clothes on for 48-72 hours because they look clean.... And bad habits like Daddy - I don't have to brush my teeth in the morning, he didnt! I don't have to answer questions, he doesnt! I don't have to do homework after dinner, Daddy just watched TV! I don't have to make my bed, he doesn't! I don't have to wash the dishes tonight, Daddy said tomorrow!

L A Z Y fathers breed L A Z Y kids.

Get out now, stop the cycle. Not acceptable behavior - not of a kid, an adult, a spouse or a father. God, if my daughter even thinks of marrying someone this clueless or inept I will cry for her future unhappiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I've done that. We've had friends show up to a messy house and no food when he invited them to a cookout without doing any planning or prep. I left beforehand and he shrugged and told them he couldn't do it when they arrived and sent them home. They probably blamed me. I had to cancel travel to visit people because he didn't follow through on his share of the prep for a trip and I literally didn't have enough time to complete laundry, get dog to sitter etc. He wasn't embarassed or even vaguely motivated by those situations. Our toddler has had multiple meals per day of milk and nothing else when he'd promised it was his turn to meal plan and shop. I stopped doing laundry and he wore dirty clothes and tshirts to a business casual office until I realized our dual income was at stake. He's willing to make our life as bleak, lonely, and disorganized as possible before exerting any effort of his own. He is perfectly competent at work and was very successful in areas of personal interest/ambition before we met (elite postcollegiate athlete, multiple grad degrees).

He makes me feel like neither I nor my daughter are worth the kind of effort he exerted for his own personal gain.

Same here. It's the ultimate insult. Pleasing himself and everyone else except his wife and kids.
Hard to respect someone like that, which pretty much means your marriage is destroyed. I mean my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Today we were purchasing some home renovation materials, boxes of heavy tiles, a heavy cement board (weighs a ton) were sitting in the cart. My husband went to get one last thing while we pulled the cart into the line. I had to count some of the specialty tiles bc they were btmy the piece, and that took a while. Meanwhile, he came back with an armful of stuff just after the lady had begun checking us out and proceeded to revert mentally to his home in space... i struggled to lift these board and the 50 lb boxes out of the cart, and then looked at his and was like- "Why am I doing this?" ***Literal response: (whining, annoyed) "Why can you just tell me you need me to help?!" I looked at disbelief.."You think I should just lift all of this stuff on my own, or that I should have to tell you to help?? You dont see me struggling, you don't even bother to add 1 +1 knowing we are inline and need to check out.... I need to "tell" you?? Its so pathetic. Buying the rest of the tile online and having it delivered.
third one, was like, "hello?? Why am I doing this?"

So, why didn't you just ask him to help you lift?

He was standing two feet from me watching me.

Just because his eyes are facing your general direction you doesn't mean he is paying attention.

Next time, just ask for help. Don't expect people to preemptively react to your every need without being asked.

"men" like that are not observant, do not have any foresight and do not plan anything in life. they are probably standing there like a dope thinking of some office work or sports game. wait until your kids start asking him questions and he simply doesn't notice. my kids now don't even bother telling or asking their father for anything, he never listens or responds. maybe he'll say Buck Up or something stupid but nothing beyond that.

[Anonymous]

My husband is fantastic ! Nothing like what's posted here. You married pajama boys. Like this one

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/i-havent-slept-in-my-room-since-the-election/2016/11/25/accd4b82-b006-11e6-8616-52b15787add0_story.html?utm_term=.9febf16f3c7c

Picture to do the article justice.

http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/pilotonline.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/8/82/882ac5c5-32f0-555c-ad0d-857dcf9335cc/57c8ab5406868.image.png?crop=320%2C475%2C51%2C33

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here. Today we were purchasing some home renovation materials, boxes of heavy tiles, a heavy cement board (weighs a ton) were sitting in the cart. My husband went to get one last thing while we pulled the cart into the line. I had to count some of the specialty tiles bc they were btmy the piece, and that took a while. Meanwhile, he came back with an armful of stuff just after the lady had begun checking us out and proceeded to revert mentally to his home in space... i struggled to lift these board and the 50 lb boxes out of the cart, and then looked at his and was like- "Why am I doing this?" ***Literal response: (whining, annoyed) "Why can you just tell me you need me to help?!" I looked at disbelief.."You think I should just lift all of this stuff on my own, or that I should have to tell you to help?? You dont see me struggling, you don't even bother to add 1 +1 knowing we are inline and need to check out.... I need to "tell" you?? Its so pathetic. Buying the rest of the tile online and having it delivered.
third one, was like, "hello?? Why am I doing this?"

So, why didn't you just ask him to help you lift?

He was standing two feet from me watching me.

Just because his eyes are facing your general direction you doesn't mean he is paying attention.

Next time, just ask for help. Don't expect people to preemptively react to your every need without being asked.

Do you want to have a happy life or be right? We know the answer - Be RIGHT. Just ask him for help. He is a human with flaws - and guess what so are you - so if he's happy to help you when you say, "honey, can you grab these heavy things?" then I would take it. What is the big deal. If you are mad about additional things, then deal with those in turn.

Serious question here in response. What about anticipating "some" needs ...? At what point is a relationahip that requires such explicit instructuon nothing more than a to-do list between a task master and her "helper" versus a partnership between two equals?

Doesn't this contribute to the learned helplessness he exhibits? Why is he entitled to just stand there while I do 19 other things including possibly injuring myself trying to get through a checkout on a major holiday shopping day?