If you were 39, would you have a baby even if you weren't married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no. I'm a divorced mom with a part time involved ex husband. It's so hard. It gets harder as they get older.

There's a part off me that hopes my kids never have kids. I hope they spend their lives enjoying their lives to the fullest.

I wouldn't have enjoyed my life to the fullest if I hadn't had kids. They gave my life true joy. Not everyone is like you.

I'm like her. And grateful everyday that I followed my own dreams.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not purposely have a child when unmarried. I think it is very selfish. Things happen, but it isn't a route I would pursue myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend's priorities are completely out of order. First off, she just divorced a year ago. Second, the man doesn't want to marry her but does want a baby? That's weird. Third, she's willing to get pregnant with no legal/written commitment from him? Hell no. Fourth, she wants an expensive ring and a $10,000 vacation when funds are tight? Again no.

Honestly dating for less than a year is also a HUGE red flag. She's rushing into things. Why would he want to get married to someone he's known for such a short time? And then demanding all this other stuff?

I'd run.

I think a lot of people these days are focused on the formalities and that's why majority of us end up divorced. What he is saying is that he wants a family, but not the burden of marriage. They both just came out of marriage. It was no guarantee of success. It was just a very expensive way to end things. I think more and more people are realizing there are many ways to be happy and successful and you DONT have to fit a mold.

Of course there are. But with the burden of marriage also comes the advantages of marriage. Why do you think the LGBT community fought so long for those rights? For kicks? No. It's a legal pact that puts both sides at a disadvantage if they simply just try to 'walk away'. It also gives the partner certain legal and intangible rights in regards to spousal support, medical care, home ownership, legal protections within the judiciary, tax benefits, and other things.

Right now this woman is opening herself up to financial and personal instability by having kids with a man she isn't married to and just met. Co-habitation for couples without kids, I totally support. Co-habitation with kids and no legal agreement and you'd better be as rich as Angelina Jolie in your own right, which it doesn't sound like this friend is if she's whining about an expensive vacation that she can't just pay for herself.

Totally get what you are saying (I"m the one you are responding to). I totally get that there are many practical and legal advantages to having a legal relationship. I was just saying that we shouldn't use it as a barometer for happiness or proper moral conduct.

[Anonymous]

Only if I was wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely! He wants a baby, she wants a baby, go for it.

LOL, why not? What could possibly go wrong?

[Anonymous]

everything else aside, no tropical honeymoons should be happening if she wants to conceive right away due to Zika concerns. It looks like Bora Bora has had some outbreaks...

[Anonymous]

I think it's nearly impossible for someone who has been married 10 years and has kids (3, right?) to give advice to someone who is pushing 40 without kids but wants them. Or, rather, I think it would be hard for the 39yo to hear advice from someone who is married with kids. What is the point of the post, OP?

[Anonymous]

In this situation, I would have a baby alone and see how the relationship goes. I always wanted kids and probably would have been a single mom by choice if I hadn't gotten married. However, I would never marry someone I'd known for less than a year, never. I knew my husband for 10 years before we married and I swear, that man still surprises me (sometimes for good, but not always). Don't think you can know someone so quickly and would not want to be stuck with a father just because my bio clock was ticking. I rarely offer it as an option, because people know it exists, but I think adoption after a few years also makes a lot of sense. That way you can judge the relationship on its own merits without having this bio clock breathing down your neck.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if she still wants to have children of her own. The man will come around.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not because it is selfish to intentionally bring a child into the world without a father.

You asked, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is turning 39 in 3 months. She is divorced with no kids and is dating a man who is also divorced with no kids. They are very much in love and want the same things. They met online earlier this year and have been together for about 9 months. He wants to have a baby with her. I think he is hesitant to go through an expensive wedding again. The divorce wiped out his savings. My friend wants at least an engagement ring and some semblance of a honeymoon (Bora Bora, Maldives, Hawaii, Fiji type place) even if they aren't married yet before being pregnant. My friend said she doesn't want or need a wedding since her first marriage was only 3 years ago.

If you were 39, would you go for a baby even if you weren't married?

They sound like a perfect match.

That poor kid.

[Anonymous]

No way. He will be gone as soon as the first sign of trouble surfaces.

[Anonymous]

If having a child is huge on her life priority list, then yes by all means she should be getting the ball rolling soon.

Because if she waits too long, the process will be difficult & very expensive.
And will take a much larger toll on her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, she's 39, tick tick.

I had planned to pursue artificial insemination if I hadn't gotten married by 35. Luckily I found DH but the biological clock is no joke.

[Anonymous]

I'd make sure she isn't overlooking red flags because they just both think it's their last chance to have a baby. That's a recipe for divorce/disaster. I'd only do it if we were planning to marry anyway.