If you were 39, would you have a baby even if you weren't married?

[Anonymous]

I would only do this if she is 100% okay with being a single mother. If he wants to get married, go to the courthouse. It sounds like he wants an easy out if things don't work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the information that you have posted, your friend sounds very immature. She was married in her late 30's and was separated within a year with no kids? That sounds suspect at best. Now she is dating and thinks she might want to get married but is not sure unless a kid is involved? I know it sounds harsh but a child needs a stable home. That is not something that she seems to be able to provide.

She got married at 35, separated at 36 and divorced at 37. Her husband was amazing before marriage but became kind of a selfish douche after the wedding. He missed going out all the time and cheated on her.

[Anonymous]

Marriage or a wedding is no guarantee of anything any more. If they are committed to each other and both want the same thing, I'd say go for it. I also feel it's stupid to waste money on a wedding or a super extravagant honey moon if the guy is trying to build his life back up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage or a wedding is no guarantee of anything any more. If they are committed to each other and both want the same thing, I'd say go for it. I also feel it's stupid to waste money on a wedding or a super extravagant honey moon if the guy is trying to build his life back up.

OP here. I agree with you. I think she should go for it and hope for the best. I would hate for her to wait for this ring that may never happen or take too long and it may be too late to have a baby. Infertility in 40's is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a baby by myself if I was 39 and single. I can afford a baby and my family is very involved.

But 39 and dating a guy who doesn't want to get married sounds rocky. Weddings don't have to be expensive, go to a JOP. I would rather have a sperm donor than a boyfriend who might not be there in the future and would want custody.

+1. And this is what I did (but started trying at 41, not 39).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage or a wedding is no guarantee of anything any more. If they are committed to each other and both want the same thing, I'd say go for it. I also feel it's stupid to waste money on a wedding or a super extravagant honey moon if the guy is trying to build his life back up.

She seems very fixated on monetary things (expensive ring! expensive honeymoon!) rather than building a life and family with this man.

[Anonymous]

She needs to forget about the ring and the honeymoon and focus on the important thing - having kids, if she wants them. Better hurry up and make that happen before it's too late.

[Anonymous]

Nt in her situation. If he wants a baby, then he should at least put a ring on it.

[Anonymous]

Your friend's priorities are completely out of order. First off, she just divorced a year ago. Second, the man doesn't want to marry her but does want a baby? That's weird. Third, she's willing to get pregnant with no legal/written commitment from him? Hell no. Fourth, she wants an expensive ring and a $10,000 vacation when funds are tight? Again no.

Honestly dating for less than a year is also a HUGE red flag. She's rushing into things. Why would he want to get married to someone he's known for such a short time? And then demanding all this other stuff?

I'd run.

[Anonymous]

No. You don't need an expensive wedding. You can spend $35 for a marriage license and get married at city hall. I guess I'm old fashioned, but I think if a man is willing to marry the woman, then he's more willing to stay committed to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to forget about the ring and the honeymoon and focus on the important thing - having kids, if she wants them. Better hurry up and make that happen before it's too late.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your friend's priorities are completely out of order. First off, she just divorced a year ago. Second, the man doesn't want to marry her but does want a baby? That's weird. Third, she's willing to get pregnant with no legal/written commitment from him? Hell no. Fourth, she wants an expensive ring and a $10,000 vacation when funds are tight? Again no.

Honestly dating for less than a year is also a HUGE red flag. She's rushing into things. Why would he want to get married to someone he's known for such a short time? And then demanding all this other stuff?

I'd run.

I think a lot of people these days are focused on the formalities and that's why majority of us end up divorced. What he is saying is that he wants a family, but not the burden of marriage. They both just came out of marriage. It was no guarantee of success. It was just a very expensive way to end things. I think more and more people are realizing there are many ways to be happy and successful and you DONT have to fit a mold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend's priorities are completely out of order. First off, she just divorced a year ago. Second, the man doesn't want to marry her but does want a baby? That's weird. Third, she's willing to get pregnant with no legal/written commitment from him? Hell no. Fourth, she wants an expensive ring and a $10,000 vacation when funds are tight? Again no.

Honestly dating for less than a year is also a HUGE red flag. She's rushing into things. Why would he want to get married to someone he's known for such a short time? And then demanding all this other stuff?

I'd run.

I think a lot of people these days are focused on the formalities and that's why majority of us end up divorced. What he is saying is that he wants a family, but not the burden of marriage. They both just came out of marriage. It was no guarantee of success. It was just a very expensive way to end things. I think more and more people are realizing there are many ways to be happy and successful and you DONT have to fit a mold.

Of course there are. But with the burden of marriage also comes the advantages of marriage. Why do you think the LGBT community fought so long for those rights? For kicks? No. It's a legal pact that puts both sides at a disadvantage if they simply just try to 'walk away'. It also gives the partner certain legal and intangible rights in regards to spousal support, medical care, home ownership, legal protections within the judiciary, tax benefits, and other things.

Right now this woman is opening herself up to financial and personal instability by having kids with a man she isn't married to and just met. Co-habitation for couples without kids, I totally support. Co-habitation with kids and no legal agreement and you'd better be as rich as Angelina Jolie in your own right, which it doesn't sound like this friend is if she's whining about an expensive vacation that she can't just pay for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no. I'm a divorced mom with a part time involved ex husband. It's so hard. It gets harder as they get older.

There's a part off me that hopes my kids never have kids. I hope they spend their lives enjoying their lives to the fullest.

I wouldn't have enjoyed my life to the fullest if I hadn't had kids. They gave my life true joy. Not everyone is like you.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely! He wants a baby, she wants a baby, go for it.