Why are parents now expected to help with all their kids' homework?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are senior management, you have enough income to hire a tutor. If you choose to have 4 kids and work full-time, then you need to figure out how to meet those 4 kids needs. I don't get having multiple kids and complaining about how hard it is. What did you think you were getting into?

OP here- my single mother worked full time. her job was to provide income for food, shelter, clothing, and to provide love to my brother and I.
That is a parent's job. Not to be full-time tutor after school to make up for failings in the elementary school system (I don't fault teachers, but the system is flawed, disorganized and inefficient). Plus as others said, kids should have time to run and play at home on a daily basis.

Sure, I can hire a tutor. I do, and I'll probably hire another.

So, what do the lower or middle income parents do who are working 2 jobs or odd shifts. How do they make up for an ineffective school system that can't teach the basic concepts effectively in 7 hours/day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand WHY a parent would not help and review the homework. Its part of parenting. If you don't want to help, then don't. That's pretty sad for your child that you cannot be involved with their education.

Homework should be a reinforcement of concepts learned in school. If it's reinforcement, then my child already knows the basic strategies of what's being asked of him or her. In which case, they are able to complete the assignment on their own and I'm happy to review it.

It's when my child says I don't understand this or We didn't do this in school yet that I get frustrated. Maybe my child is lying and they did cover the material in class. But over the years, she has demonstrated that when she can do the homework assignment, she will do it. If my child can't do the homework assignment, then it wasn't taught to my child in a way that she understands. If she doesn't understand it now, she won't understand it when it's time to demonstrate her understanding on the all important tests. By not doing her homework for her, we are telling the teacher that my child needs help in this area.

By not doing it, sends the wrong message to your child. Oh, its too hard, no problem, don't do it. Or, mom or dad is so busy, they don't have the time to help you. The teacher is not going to stop and teach your one child till they get it. They keep going and your child gets more behind and lost.

Actually, my children's teachers will do that. And I guarantee that if my child didn't understand it then others in the class did not understand it either so the teacher should go back and review.

Then, you got lucky with a good teacher. We had one teacher (in a private so we are leaving) send the classwork home that our child did not understand with the homework and expected us to teach it. (which we did for our child's sake, but I thought that was bizarre given we choose the school for its small class sizes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are senior management, you have enough income to hire a tutor. If you choose to have 4 kids and work full-time, then you need to figure out how to meet those 4 kids needs. I don't get having multiple kids and complaining about how hard it is. What did you think you were getting into?

OP here- my single mother worked full time. her job was to provide income for food, shelter, clothing, and to provide love to my brother and I.
That is a parent's job. Not to be full-time tutor after school to make up for failings in the elementary school system (I don't fault teachers, but the system is flawed, disorganized and inefficient). Plus as others said, kids should have time to run and play at home on a daily basis.

Sure, I can hire a tutor. I do, and I'll probably hire another.

So, what do the lower or middle income parents do who are working 2 jobs or odd shifts. How do they make up for an ineffective school system that can't teach the basic concepts effectively in 7 hours/day?

We are middle income. We tutor our child. All summer we did workbooks and worked on reading. You cannot fix the system BUT you can help your child succeed. You don't have to spend a lot of time. We do it a few times a week, more when we can for 20-30 minutes a day. Usually there is someone who is caring for the child to step in and help, including if the aftercare has a homework club. If its important to you, regardless of income or employment status, you will find the time, especially in the younger years. School cannot provide everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and a mom of two. I teach high school and am also annoyed with the elementary homework that comes home. Last year I stopped helping my 2nd grader. Try what he can for a little while I was making dinner and that's it. If he didn't get to all of it or did it completely wrong we sent it back anyway. I never heard a thing. I believe homework is meaningless at such a young age.

If teachers did a better job at teaching and the school came up with a better curriculum, then homework might be meaningless. We find it helps teach what is being taught poorly at school and we supplement as the schools do not do enough with the foundation work, such as basic handwriting.

Supplement if you feel it benefits your children but I prefer to spend our evenings letting them enjoy sports, other activities and just having down time. I don't feel like things are being taught poorly and I am sticking with homework does not benefit children in elementary school. It is different if they need remediation. I certainly hope parents do not need to help my high school students with homework.

Why is it all or nothing? My child is in 3-4 activities at a time. This year, he'll have 5 day a week activities and still manages to have time for downtime, playground and hanging out with friends and family. Is it that you prefer it or that it is easier for you? Its a lot of parenting involved in multiple activities and doing homework. Most parents do not want that time commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It merely penalizes poor kids whose parents work odd hours or don't have it together. It's profoundly immoral because it immediately creates an academic self-image of failure for poor kids.

+1 When I was in college, I tutored kids in a somewhat rural area. There was one girl who was definitely bright, but she was failing. She had already been held back a year. Her teacher had given up on her. But it didn't take long for me to realize what the problem was: her mother didn't know long division and couldn't help her with her homework. I even spoke to her mother, who was very involved with her child. It wasn't that woman's fault that her education had been limited.

What had been happening is that the teacher didn't spend enough time each day on the material covered in the homework. She relied on parents to fill in for that. But that put certain children at a disadvantage.

Part of the problem is that they were packing the day too tightly (or it was in this instance -- I have no idea what goes on nowadays). The education paradigm of the day was group work, having the kids work in groups. They spent a lot of time during the day on "projects," but they didn't spend enough time on actual instruction accompanied by time having the children work on problems on their own during the day (so that the teacher could walk around and assist individually).

I was minoring in education at the time, and a lot of the student teachers spent an enormous amount of time planning projects and crafts. They liked doing that because it was fun -- for them and the children.

I actually think that the paradigm needs to shift back to the old-school approach of focusing on instruction, drills, and having kids work independently in school on problems, so that they are able to ask the teacher if they don't understand something. It's one thing to show a classroom of kids how to do long division. But it isn't until they start doing problems on their own that they get confused and need to ask questions.

I also agree with the PP that at that age social studies, music, and art doesn't need to be every day. It's important -- but it shouldn't be daily. There isn't enough time.

As for being competitive with the rest of the world, most of the places we're trying to compete with have a much longer school year (if not year round). Most will go 11 months with one month off. That's a better approach than having kids do 4 hours of homework after a full day of school. They need time to decompress, to learn other household chores (and, yes, all kids should be learning life skills at home), and spending time with family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It merely penalizes poor kids whose parents work odd hours or don't have it together. It's profoundly immoral because it immediately creates an academic self-image of failure for poor kids.

If you read the previous posts I don't get the impression that the people not helping with homework are poor. It seems to be quite the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It merely penalizes poor kids whose parents work odd hours or don't have it together. It's profoundly immoral because it immediately creates an academic self-image of failure for poor kids.

And it penalizes parents who simply don't know the material themselves and are unable to teach it to their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My K child never had homework last year.

That said, I absolutely had homework as a kid in the DMV from 1st on up. By about mid first grade, your child should be able to read most of the instructions. That said, helping a child with homework is something you need to be prepared for from now until they graduate. This was always the norm around here, and I never knew anyone whose parents made excuses not to.

By about 9th grade the math curriculum will have surpassed my current math capabilities. I went to RM and took B/C Calc my senior year. That was some 25 years ago. I haven't used it since. No way will I be able to help my HS Senior with that homework. I also took AP Chem--couldn't calculate a mole today if my life depended on it. That thermal dynamics I learned in AP physics--nope, can't help you there either. I could read an english or history essay for substance and grammar though.

My parents did not help me with my homework in HS. If I didn't understand a concept, it was my responsibility to let the teacher know and schedule time to review the material with them. If that meant missing lunch, that's what I did or if I had to miss PE to sit through the class lecture again, then I did. But counting on mom and dad to explain those concepts was not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand WHY a parent would not help and review the homework. Its part of parenting. If you don't want to help, then don't. That's pretty sad for your child that you cannot be involved with their education.

Homework should be a reinforcement of concepts learned in school. If it's reinforcement, then my child already knows the basic strategies of what's being asked of him or her. In which case, they are able to complete the assignment on their own and I'm happy to review it.

It's when my child says I don't understand this or We didn't do this in school yet that I get frustrated. Maybe my child is lying and they did cover the material in class. But over the years, she has demonstrated that when she can do the homework assignment, she will do it. If my child can't do the homework assignment, then it wasn't taught to my child in a way that she understands. If she doesn't understand it now, she won't understand it when it's time to demonstrate her understanding on the all important tests. By not doing her homework for her, we are telling the teacher that my child needs help in this area.

By not doing it, sends the wrong message to your child. Oh, its too hard, no problem, don't do it. Or, mom or dad is so busy, they don't have the time to help you. The teacher is not going to stop and teach your one child till they get it. They keep going and your child gets more behind and lost.

Actually, my children's teachers will do that. And I guarantee that if my child didn't understand it then others in the class did not understand it either so the teacher should go back and review.

Then, you got lucky with a good teacher. We had one teacher (in a private so we are leaving) send the classwork home that our child did not understand with the homework and expected us to teach it. (which we did for our child's sake, but I thought that was bizarre given we choose the school for its small class sizes).

It's not about luck with one good teacher. It's about the overall school culture with expectations about homework. I've had two kids complete pubic ES (going now into 6th and 8th). No homework in K. Gradually increasing amount each year after that. Consistent message from all teachers that if the child can't do it independently or it is taking more than the recommended time, they want to know. And, we are not to correct errors - the teachers want to know what the kids don't understand so they can review. THAT should be the purpose of homework, not for the parent to have to reteach - or worse teach something for the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It merely penalizes poor kids whose parents work odd hours or don't have it together. It's profoundly immoral because it immediately creates an academic self-image of failure for poor kids.

+1 When I was in college, I tutored kids in a somewhat rural area. There was one girl who was definitely bright, but she was failing. She had already been held back a year. Her teacher had given up on her. But it didn't take long for me to realize what the problem was: her mother didn't know long division and couldn't help her with her homework. I even spoke to her mother, who was very involved with her child. It wasn't that woman's fault that her education had been limited.

What had been happening is that the teacher didn't spend enough time each day on the material covered in the homework. She relied on parents to fill in for that. But that put certain children at a disadvantage.

Part of the problem is that they were packing the day too tightly (or it was in this instance -- I have no idea what goes on nowadays). The education paradigm of the day was group work, having the kids work in groups. They spent a lot of time during the day on "projects," but they didn't spend enough time on actual instruction accompanied by time having the children work on problems on their own during the day (so that the teacher could walk around and assist individually).

I was minoring in education at the time, and a lot of the student teachers spent an enormous amount of time planning projects and crafts. They liked doing that because it was fun -- for them and the children.

I actually think that the paradigm needs to shift back to the old-school approach of focusing on instruction, drills, and having kids work independently in school on problems, so that they are able to ask the teacher if they don't understand something. It's one thing to show a classroom of kids how to do long division. But it isn't until they start doing problems on their own that they get confused and need to ask questions.

I also agree with the PP that at that age social studies, music, and art doesn't need to be every day. It's important -- but it shouldn't be daily. There isn't enough time.

As for being competitive with the rest of the world, most of the places we're trying to compete with have a much longer school year (if not year round). Most will go 11 months with one month off. That's a better approach than having kids do 4 hours of homework after a full day of school. They need time to decompress, to learn other household chores (and, yes, all kids should be learning life skills at home), and spending time with family and friends.

I teach graduate finance and my students struggle with this. About 5 years ago, I went back to the old school approach where I would lecture and demonstrate problems and concepts for the first half of class and then I would hand out a a set of homework problems for them to work on for the rest of class. Now this is grad school so my students have the option of staying to do the homework or leaving. I tell them that if they stay, I will be walking around the class answering each students individual questions.

There is no homework credit or requirement. They get nothing towards their grade for staying and doing the work with me. Many of them get up and walk out--they say they understand the material. But somehow when the midterm grades come back, they can't solve the problems. The ones that do stay, they are the ones that pass the class. A lot of times it comes back to explaining old concepts that they may have forgotten. Learning in school does not occur in a 75 min vacuum. Or they find that when they have to actually execute the thinking and logic behind the problem, they just don't even no where to start. The most common comment I get is It looks so easy when you do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so damn irritated that managing and helping with my kids' homework has now become my 2nd full-time job.

When did it become acceptable to give kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade kids homework that they can not possibly do on their own?

Do they expect a 5 or 6 year old to read complicated instructions on their own?

How come I get a sheet or 2 every day with Parent marked at the top?

And middle school is now like what I experienced in high school? my 6th grader got 2 150 pg books on first day of school to read, and book reports are due Monday. They haven't yet taught typing, and she has limited experience. I guess Mom is also supposed to teach kids to type too. We already have the math tutor and learning center, because they don't teach that well enough in school.

Teachers need to lay off. or push back on Administration that there's no way in hell, kids can pass these ludicrous tests without full-time parent involvement from 4pm-9pm daily.

Teachers- would it be acceptable if when these parent sheets came home, if I simply write "I have a full-time job and 4 kids. I opt out of homework."

Seriously, my mom NEVER did homework or study with me, and I'm in Senior Management. What the hell is going on these days?!?

I hear ya, OP. Thing is, the world has changed and we can no longer measure our children's childhood against our own. Many of the aims present in kindergarten now, were what 2nd grade was for us! Testing begins in the earliest stages and is so tied to funding and other system policies that teachers are forced to plug ahead and teach to the test rather than be guided by their students. Does it suck for us parents? Yes, sir! Not a thing we can do about it, I'm afraid.

Even while pregnant, I figured there was no way to win at this motherhood thing. I pick and choose and do the best I can. Sound familiar? It's all we can do. Silly me, I thought I'd spend my time complementing the school curriculum with the fun stuff of Greek myths and identifying star clusters. Ah, early parenthood! But, like you, here I am assisting with basic homework each night. I gravely disappointed the Pre-K teacher by cutting each week's homework packet in half. One week it came in at 20 pages. TWENTY PAGES of homework for a 4 year old? No. BUT, I have found myself learning how they now teach math and teaching in step with the classwork. I wouldn't call it agony, but it surely is a time suck.

That DS is a "Classic Inattentive" makes it all the more important that I remain committed to the business of effectively co-teaching. It's not what I signed up for, but it's what's now required of me. School starts next week. I've already cleared the big table and prepped the children for review each evening. I've also started waking up at frickin 4:30am so that I'm able to get the things in that my evenings won't allow for during the school year. And isn't that fabulous? (No. It is not.) Again, what else can I do?

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I help my kids for 2-3 hours each night (after a 10 hour workday). 1 hour would be acceptable.

We all do it and don't like it, but accept it. What if parents rallied together at school district meetings and said "this is unacceptable. Find a way to teach our kids better."

As several of you posted, they don't do drills anymore. They don't take time reviewing homework. They don't focus enough on the core skills- they fill the day with nonsense. Our school year is too short compared to the rest of the world (thanks teachers' unions) We have to supplement all summer long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are senior management, you have enough income to hire a tutor. If you choose to have 4 kids and work full-time, then you need to figure out how to meet those 4 kids needs. I don't get having multiple kids and complaining about how hard it is. What did you think you were getting into?

OP here- my single mother worked full time. her job was to provide income for food, shelter, clothing, and to provide love to my brother and I.
That is a parent's job. Not to be full-time tutor after school to make up for failings in the elementary school system (I don't fault teachers, but the system is flawed, disorganized and inefficient). Plus as others said, kids should have time to run and play at home on a daily basis.

Sure, I can hire a tutor. I do, and I'll probably hire another.

So, what do the lower or middle income parents do who are working 2 jobs or odd shifts. How do they make up for an ineffective school system that can't teach the basic concepts effectively in 7 hours/day?

I have three kids and honestly, except for my special needs child, the obligation for parents wasn't onerous at all. You read the directions to your kid. Big deal. 30 seconds of your evening for a week or so until they recognize what they are supposed to do by looking at what's on the work sheet. In MS when the get projects, you spend five minutes per project helping them figure out how to break it down into manageable pieces to accomplish it. I spend far more time waiting around for my kids to finish their activities and driving them from place to place, which BTW is a great time to quiz spelling words and math facts.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. My son gets homework that needs a second person. So I am often trying to cook a frantic dinner while reading random spelling words. Worst part is the homework seems pointless. More like the teachers are encouraged to give it, not that anyone thinks it helps. The day I almost cracked was the day my son got an impossible logic assignment. It was not possible to solve ( clearly has a misprint or something).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher and a mom of two. I teach high school and am also annoyed with the elementary homework that comes home. Last year I stopped helping my 2nd grader. Try what he can for a little while I was making dinner and that's it. If he didn't get to all of it or did it completely wrong we sent it back anyway. I never heard a thing. I believe homework is meaningless at such a young age.

If teachers did a better job at teaching and the school came up with a better curriculum, then homework might be meaningless. We find it helps teach what is being taught poorly at school and we supplement as the schools do not do enough with the foundation work, such as basic handwriting.

Supplement if you feel it benefits your children but I prefer to spend our evenings letting them enjoy sports, other activities and just having down time. I don't feel like things are being taught poorly and I am sticking with homework does not benefit children in elementary school. It is different if they need remediation. I certainly hope parents do not need to help my high school students with homework.

Why is it all or nothing? My child is in 3-4 activities at a time. This year, he'll have 5 day a week activities and still manages to have time for downtime, playground and hanging out with friends and family. Is it that you prefer it or that it is easier for you? Its a lot of parenting involved in multiple activities and doing homework. Most parents do not want that time commitment.

5 days of activities is too many. I doubt he has downtown.