Family Relationships Judge and Jury: AMA

[Anonymous]

LMAO at this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar question here. My baby is only three weeks old and we are on a strict bonding schedule. My mother is the only one besides DH and myself who is allowed to handle the baby. MIL has been allowed to see the baby through the window of the front door. She has been good about bringing over meals and my husband goes out to get the food and give her our laundry to wash. Now she says she wants to come inside and see the baby. I am breastfeeding and tired, so I don't want anyone else in here other than the cleaning service my in-laws sent over. I think my husband is weakening toward her, but I say, my baby, my rules. Please help.

Go to your doctor and get a 'scrip for Valium. Your next step is to make a nice little drink that I like to call a "Sweet Dream":

1) Crush up the Valium, and mix it up with simple syrup to line the rim of a cocktail glass, margarita-style
2) Pour your favorite alcoholic beverage into said glass. Drink up!
3) Don't forget to pump and dump!
4) Once the Sweet Dream kicks in, you'll be ready to let MIL in for 20 minutes. Set an egg timer. Once the timer goes off, get dat baby back.
5) If she doesn't leave promptly, give her what I like to call a "Size 9er in the Vaginer" roundhouse kick

Congrats on Baby Brynwyn Emmaline Rose!!!

I am CRYING. Thank you for that. Omg. Hilarity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar question here. My baby is only three weeks old and we are on a strict bonding schedule. My mother is the only one besides DH and myself who is allowed to handle the baby. MIL has been allowed to see the baby through the window of the front door. She has been good about bringing over meals and my husband goes out to get the food and give her our laundry to wash. Now she says she wants to come inside and see the baby. I am breastfeeding and tired, so I don't want anyone else in here other than the cleaning service my in-laws sent over. I think my husband is weakening toward her, but I say, my baby, my rules. Please help.

Go to your doctor and get a 'scrip for Valium. Your next step is to make a nice little drink that I like to call a "Sweet Dream":

1) Crush up the Valium, and mix it up with simple syrup to line the rim of a cocktail glass, margarita-style
2) Pour your favorite alcoholic beverage into said glass. Drink up!
3) Don't forget to pump and dump!
4) Once the Sweet Dream kicks in, you'll be ready to let MIL in for 20 minutes. Set an egg timer. Once the timer goes off, get dat baby back.
5) If she doesn't leave promptly, give her what I like to call a "Size 9er in the Vaginer" roundhouse kick

Congrats on Baby Brynwyn Emmaline Rose!!!

Omg, size niner in the vaginer, I can't even. Tears rolling down my face. This might be my new favorite saying

[Anonymous]

Can I just say that I am out of breath from laughing! Size Niner is legendary.

[Anonymous]

I go all out when in-laws visit us with food, snacks, drinks, company but when we visit them, they don't reciprocate. Not even a bottle of water. Well, at least I don't have to worry about food poisoning haha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I go all out when in-laws visit us with food, snacks, drinks, company but when we visit them, they don't reciprocate. Not even a bottle of water. Well, at least I don't have to worry about food poisoning haha

So stop going all-out, if you are disappointed in the lack of reciprocation.

Life is simple!

[Anonymous]

I am secretly engaged to a great (terrible) guy. For the most part our relationship is really strong (hateful) and fun (crazy.) Like all couples we have our problems-mandatory weigh-ins, scratching each other about which tv show to watch, communication/possible wife in other city issues-you know, the usual. His family's a bit much (SIL literally bit me once) but we're working on it.

My question is this-SIL's son is really spirited (juvie)-do I have to have him as a ring bearer at the wedding? TIA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am secretly engaged to a great (terrible) guy. For the most part our relationship is really strong (hateful) and fun (crazy.) Like all couples we have our problems-mandatory weigh-ins, scratching each other about which tv show to watch, communication/possible wife in other city issues-you know, the usual. His family's a bit much (SIL literally bit me once) but we're working on it.

My question is this-SIL's son is really spirited (juvie)-do I have to have him as a ring bearer at the wedding? TIA!

Congratulations, PP! You have found a real gem, by DCUM standards. I have no doubt that you have a happy future ahead of you.

Without knowing his age, medical history or any other information, I'm here to tell you that your SIL-to-be's son has ADD, ADHD, shingles, rickets and scabies. He needs to be treated for all of those with heavy medication and military service. Once he has completed all of the above, he can be invited to watch the wedding on a closed-circuit TV in the cry room of a separate-but-nearby church. He then should be kept in a cryogenic tank until Thanksgiving five years from now. Congrats on successfully blending your families!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am secretly engaged to a great (terrible) guy. For the most part our relationship is really strong (hateful) and fun (crazy.) Like all couples we have our problems-mandatory weigh-ins, scratching each other about which tv show to watch, communication/possible wife in other city issues-you know, the usual. His family's a bit much (SIL literally bit me once) but we're working on it.

My question is this-SIL's son is really spirited (juvie)-do I have to have him as a ring bearer at the wedding? TIA!

Congratulations, PP! You have found a real gem, by DCUM standards. I have no doubt that you have a happy future ahead of you.

Without knowing his age, medical history or any other information, I'm here to tell you that your SIL-to-be's son has ADD, ADHD, shingles, rickets and scabies. He needs to be treated for all of those with heavy medication and military service. Once he has completed all of the above, he can be invited to watch the wedding on a closed-circuit TV in the cry room of a separate-but-nearby church. He then should be kept in a cryogenic tank until Thanksgiving five years from now. Congrats on successfully blending your families!!!

Always so quick to force medication on children. Typical American attitude. My DS had of all the symptoms PP described and then some. We never gave up on finding a doctor who would look at our DS as more than simply another prescription to write. Not only were all of his doctors saying he had ADHD, PP9, UAGUNION and 7ONYOURSIDE, but when he was kicked out of school for being "disruptive" they claimed he was "problematic" and probably had oppositional/defiant disorder (which is funny since they refused to give him an IEP or a PDA) instead of seeing him for the intelligent unique creative being he is.

Long story short, we finally put him on a gluten free diet and now he is supporting the family as a weekend ring bearer-for-hire. Now if only I could get my PMS, UDD, NCIS DD to go on the diet......sigh.

[Anonymous]

I cannot get my DH to help around the house, even though I work full time and he is currently unemployed. I pay for a full time nanny so he doesn't have to deal with our DC while he stays home "looking for work." I get home at 7:30 during the week and the nanny leaves at 6. I buy all the groceries on the weekend because he is "too tired from his job search and deserves a break" (and then I mow the lawn too because he is "allergic to grass"). I always leave a detailed note for him about what to cook, but when I get home from work there's nothing to eat and the kids are running around like maniacs eating cereal out of the box. Last night I picked up some takeout on my way home because MIL was coming over and I knew I couldn't count on DH for squat, and when I arrived, the house was a mess and the dog had peed on the kitchen floor, and MIL was scheduled to arrive in half an hour. After I cleaned off the dining room table and mopped the kitchen floor and set the table, DH said, "I was about to do that." I'm nine months pregnant.

I'm at the end of my rope. What should I do, JaJ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot get my DH to help around the house, even though I work full time and he is currently unemployed. I pay for a full time nanny so he doesn't have to deal with our DC while he stays home "looking for work." I get home at 7:30 during the week and the nanny leaves at 6. I buy all the groceries on the weekend because he is "too tired from his job search and deserves a break" (and then I mow the lawn too because he is "allergic to grass"). I always leave a detailed note for him about what to cook, but when I get home from work there's nothing to eat and the kids are running around like maniacs eating cereal out of the box. Last night I picked up some takeout on my way home because MIL was coming over and I knew I couldn't count on DH for squat, and when I arrived, the house was a mess and the dog had peed on the kitchen floor, and MIL was scheduled to arrive in half an hour. After I cleaned off the dining room table and mopped the kitchen floor and set the table, DH said, "I was about to do that." I'm nine months pregnant.

I'm at the end of my rope. What should I do, JaJ?

+1 this is me as well. except I'd never have cereal in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot get my DH to help around the house, even though I work full time and he is currently unemployed. I pay for a full time nanny so he doesn't have to deal with our DC while he stays home "looking for work." I get home at 7:30 during the week and the nanny leaves at 6. I buy all the groceries on the weekend because he is "too tired from his job search and deserves a break" (and then I mow the lawn too because he is "allergic to grass"). I always leave a detailed note for him about what to cook, but when I get home from work there's nothing to eat and the kids are running around like maniacs eating cereal out of the box. Last night I picked up some takeout on my way home because MIL was coming over and I knew I couldn't count on DH for squat, and when I arrived, the house was a mess and the dog had peed on the kitchen floor, and MIL was scheduled to arrive in half an hour. After I cleaned off the dining room table and mopped the kitchen floor and set the table, DH said, "I was about to do that." I'm nine months pregnant.

I'm at the end of my rope. What should I do, JaJ?

+1 this is me as well. except I'd never have cereal in the house.

It's gluten free.

[Anonymous]

This thread is making my day! God sometimes I love you people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot get my DH to help around the house, even though I work full time and he is currently unemployed. I pay for a full time nanny so he doesn't have to deal with our DC while he stays home "looking for work." I get home at 7:30 during the week and the nanny leaves at 6. I buy all the groceries on the weekend because he is "too tired from his job search and deserves a break" (and then I mow the lawn too because he is "allergic to grass"). I always leave a detailed note for him about what to cook, but when I get home from work there's nothing to eat and the kids are running around like maniacs eating cereal out of the box. Last night I picked up some takeout on my way home because MIL was coming over and I knew I couldn't count on DH for squat, and when I arrived, the house was a mess and the dog had peed on the kitchen floor, and MIL was scheduled to arrive in half an hour. After I cleaned off the dining room table and mopped the kitchen floor and set the table, DH said, "I was about to do that." I'm nine months pregnant.

I'm at the end of my rope. What should I do, JaJ?

JaJ OP here. You clearly need to put out more, and lose some weight while you are at it. You have not been keeping your man satisfied. A happy husband is an employed, productive husband. Take some couple time!!! Book a two-week vacation to Bora Bora, STAT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot get my DH to help around the house, even though I work full time and he is currently unemployed. I pay for a full time nanny so he doesn't have to deal with our DC while he stays home "looking for work." I get home at 7:30 during the week and the nanny leaves at 6. I buy all the groceries on the weekend because he is "too tired from his job search and deserves a break" (and then I mow the lawn too because he is "allergic to grass"). I always leave a detailed note for him about what to cook, but when I get home from work there's nothing to eat and the kids are running around like maniacs eating cereal out of the box. Last night I picked up some takeout on my way home because MIL was coming over and I knew I couldn't count on DH for squat, and when I arrived, the house was a mess and the dog had peed on the kitchen floor, and MIL was scheduled to arrive in half an hour. After I cleaned off the dining room table and mopped the kitchen floor and set the table, DH said, "I was about to do that." I'm nine months pregnant.

I'm at the end of my rope. What should I do, JaJ?

JaJ OP here. You clearly need to put out more, and lose some weight while you are at it. You have not been keeping your man satisfied. A happy husband is an employed, productive husband. Take some couple time!!! Book a two-week vacation to Bora Bora, STAT!

Don't forget BJs, JaJ. Obviously any man acting like this would behave completely differently with lots of BJs. At least that's what I'm told over on Reddit.