Family Relationships Judge and Jury: AMA

[Anonymous]

My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

JaJ Sez:

Oh, you're such a FTM! You'll precious snowflake will be fiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

UNCLENCH, PP! My great-great aunt Matilda was kept on a swaddling board from birth through age 25, and she was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

UNCLENCH, PP! My great-great aunt Matilda was kept on a swaddling board from birth through age 25, and she was fine.

that's how they used to have those hourglass figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

Exactly. This is where the word "nanny" actually comes from -- Nanny Goat. (I wrote my thesis on the childcare practices of the early Appalachian Gluten Free Folk.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

Exactly. This is where the word "nanny" actually comes from -- Nanny Goat. (I wrote my thesis on the childcare practices of the early Appalachian Gluten Free Folk.)

I actually get along better with the nanny goat than w/ MIl-she's very warm (NG, that is.) Anyway, my point was not to criticize NG, it's the "crick" I'm concerned about as she's not trained as a lifeguard. Maybe I should get her a puddle-jumper?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

Exactly. This is where the word "nanny" actually comes from -- Nanny Goat. (I wrote my thesis on the childcare practices of the early Appalachian Gluten Free Folk.)

I actually get along better with the nanny goat than w/ MIl-she's very warm (NG, that is.) Anyway, my point was not to criticize NG, it's the "crick" I'm concerned about as she's not trained as a lifeguard. Maybe I should get her a puddle-jumper?

Dog life preservers work surprisingly well for nanny goats. It's considered an off label usage but is acceptable for insurance purposes. Obviously do not put your child in a life vest due to the potential for toxic off-gassing. Just tie them to the nanny goat via a bungee cord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

Exactly. This is where the word "nanny" actually comes from -- Nanny Goat. (I wrote my thesis on the childcare practices of the early Appalachian Gluten Free Folk.)

I actually get along better with the nanny goat than w/ MIl-she's very warm (NG, that is.) Anyway, my point was not to criticize NG, it's the "crick" I'm concerned about as she's not trained as a lifeguard. Maybe I should get her a puddle-jumper?

Dog life preservers work surprisingly well for nanny goats. It's considered an off label usage but is acceptable for insurance purposes. Obviously do not put your child in a life vest due to the potential for toxic off-gassing. Just tie them to the nanny goat via a bungee cord.

Goats are notoriously afraid of water. If you attach your DC to a nanny goat and they wander too close to the crik, your DC could get some nasty switchin' from the branches as it thrashes through the woods. This is actually where the concept of a switch originated. Before the use of nanny goat nannies, there was no corporal punishment at all. You should do some research before you post on the internet, PP. You're giving some dangerous advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say that I am out of breath from laughing! Size Niner is legendary.

I've never in my life wished I had a size 9 shoe until now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I just say that I am out of breath from laughing! Size Niner is legendary.

I've never in my life wished I had a size 9 shoe until now.

[Anonymous]

There's a long tradition in my family where the eldest married daughter hosts Thanksgiving, and so forth. My oldest sister is getting divorced and, by rights, should now be off of holiday hosting duty and onto a new family role. She's been completely fine with not hosting but is now balking at acting as my scullery maid/char woman. I'm hurt and confused. When she and her husband started having trouble I completely upgraded the au pair suite, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a long tradition in my family where the eldest married daughter hosts Thanksgiving, and so forth. My oldest sister is getting divorced and, by rights, should now be off of holiday hosting duty and onto a new family role. She's been completely fine with not hosting but is now balking at acting as my scullery maid/char woman. I'm hurt and confused. When she and her husband started having trouble I completely upgraded the au pair suite, fwiw.

It's clear you're thrilled to death with her misfortune. It's probably quite obvious to her too that all you care about is taking her rightful place. You'll never fill her shoes, PP. NEVER. That said, maybe you can allow her to scrub the dishes after the guests leave, to save face?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

Exactly. This is where the word "nanny" actually comes from -- Nanny Goat. (I wrote my thesis on the childcare practices of the early Appalachian Gluten Free Folk.)

I actually get along better with the nanny goat than w/ MIl-she's very warm (NG, that is.) Anyway, my point was not to criticize NG, it's the "crick" I'm concerned about as she's not trained as a lifeguard. Maybe I should get her a puddle-jumper?

Dog life preservers work surprisingly well for nanny goats. It's considered an off label usage but is acceptable for insurance purposes. Obviously do not put your child in a life vest due to the potential for toxic off-gassing. Just tie them to the nanny goat via a bungee cord.

Goats are notoriously afraid of water. If you attach your DC to a nanny goat and they wander too close to the crik, your DC could get some nasty switchin' from the branches as it thrashes through the woods. This is actually where the concept of a switch originated. Before the use of nanny goat nannies, there was no corporal punishment at all. You should do some research before you post on the internet, PP. You're giving some dangerous advice.

How dare you! Everyone knows that the organic, all natural switchins a child would receive from branches as they are dragged about by their free range nanny goat are perfectly acceptable and have none of the negative impact corporal punishment imposed by other humans would have. Clearly you haven't been keeping up on your Nanny Goat Monthly articles.