Family Relationships Judge and Jury: AMA

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

Exactly. This is where the word "nanny" actually comes from -- Nanny Goat. (I wrote my thesis on the childcare practices of the early Appalachian Gluten Free Folk.)

I actually get along better with the nanny goat than w/ MIl-she's very warm (NG, that is.) Anyway, my point was not to criticize NG, it's the "crick" I'm concerned about as she's not trained as a lifeguard. Maybe I should get her a puddle-jumper?

Dog life preservers work surprisingly well for nanny goats. It's considered an off label usage but is acceptable for insurance purposes. Obviously do not put your child in a life vest due to the potential for toxic off-gassing. Just tie them to the nanny goat via a bungee cord.

Goats are notoriously afraid of water. If you attach your DC to a nanny goat and they wander too close to the crik, your DC could get some nasty switchin' from the branches as it thrashes through the woods. This is actually where the concept of a switch originated. Before the use of nanny goat nannies, there was no corporal punishment at all. You should do some research before you post on the internet, PP. You're giving some dangerous advice.

How dare you! Everyone knows that the organic, all natural switchins a child would receive from branches as they are dragged about by their free range nanny goat are perfectly acceptable and have none of the negative impact corporal punishment imposed by other humans would have. Clearly you haven't been keeping up on your Nanny Goat Monthly articles.

Wrong. Real scars are just as bad as emotional ones, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

At least your MIL leaves your child with a nanny goat. My MIL offered to put DD on a leash attached to the clothes line when I expressed concern about her running into the road while unsupervised.

Goats are actually quite maternal. It used to be the norm to leave young ones with a lactating goat for protection during the day while parents went to work in the mines. In my grandmother's house there was a hand-stitched burlap piece of wall art that said, "Woe be to you who would mess with my goat. Woe be to me who would trespass near her. For my babe is my own, the horns are hers alone. Step back or she'll charge ya, my dear one." My cousin got that one. It was also a common thing to say "Your mother must have been kicked by a goat when she was pregnant with you" if someone was ornery or overly stubborn. So stop judging your MIL so harshly. Pearl clutchers. Your snowflake will be just fine, as have generations before her.

Exactly. This is where the word "nanny" actually comes from -- Nanny Goat. (I wrote my thesis on the childcare practices of the early Appalachian Gluten Free Folk.)

I actually get along better with the nanny goat than w/ MIl-she's very warm (NG, that is.) Anyway, my point was not to criticize NG, it's the "crick" I'm concerned about as she's not trained as a lifeguard. Maybe I should get her a puddle-jumper?

Dog life preservers work surprisingly well for nanny goats. It's considered an off label usage but is acceptable for insurance purposes. Obviously do not put your child in a life vest due to the potential for toxic off-gassing. Just tie them to the nanny goat via a bungee cord.

Goats are notoriously afraid of water. If you attach your DC to a nanny goat and they wander too close to the crik, your DC could get some nasty switchin' from the branches as it thrashes through the woods. This is actually where the concept of a switch originated. Before the use of nanny goat nannies, there was no corporal punishment at all. You should do some research before you post on the internet, PP. You're giving some dangerous advice.

How dare you! Everyone knows that the organic, all natural switchins a child would receive from branches as they are dragged about by their free range nanny goat are perfectly acceptable and have none of the negative impact corporal punishment imposed by other humans would have. Clearly you haven't been keeping up on your Nanny Goat Monthly articles.

Wrong. Real scars are just as bad as emotional ones, PP.

I refuse to stand for this slander by an obvious shill for the Billy Goat Industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

It's WANG-B (weekend away nanny goat babysitter) again. Thanks for all the helpful advice. Re: mil faking blindness-do you think I should mention anything to my DS ahead of time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is about babysitting-my mil has very generously offered to watch our 3 year old while we attend an out of town wedding. I'd really like to go but am concerned because last time we visited I noticed she'd already collected a small stockpile of hickory switches ("for inffin' he gives me any guff.") There's also a "crick" (class II Rapids) adjoining her property but several times she's left him outside in the care of only a nanny goat. The other issue is my brother would have to do drop off-he's gay and MIL always pretends like she's blind when he's around (sunglasses, cane, the whole thing-I think it's an allegory.)

What should I do JaJ?

It's WANG-B (weekend away nanny goat babysitter) again. Thanks for all the helpful advice. Re: mil faking blindness-do you think I should mention anything to my DS ahead of time?

Rule of thumb is to let your DC mention it first. They may say, "Uh, mom, while I was at grandma's...." then peter out. Fine, just let it go. They'll bring it up when they're old enough to handle the answer. Or that or they'll sublimate the memory. Either is better than forcing the issue because then your MIL or your DH will just accuse you of trying to come between him and your MIL. Let her do that herself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a long tradition in my family where the eldest married daughter hosts Thanksgiving, and so forth. My oldest sister is getting divorced and, by rights, should now be off of holiday hosting duty and onto a new family role. She's been completely fine with not hosting but is now balking at acting as my scullery maid/char woman. I'm hurt and confused. When she and her husband started having trouble I completely upgraded the au pair suite, fwiw.

Let her make the pie. HUMBLE pie. --JAJ

[Anonymous]

Future MIL wants to sing at the Wedding Supper. She has a decent voice, but outside of church, she only sings if she's drunk. My only wedding related nightmare is her belting out some low down dirty red hot blues in front of my ES age kid and our priest. I can nix this, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Future MIL wants to sing at the Wedding Supper. She has a decent voice, but outside of church, she only sings if she's drunk. My only wedding related nightmare is her belting out some low down dirty red hot blues in front of my ES age kid and our priest. I can nix this, right?

If this is the rehearsal dinner, let it happen. If it goes well, how nice. If it goes badly, you'll dine out on that story for years.

If this is the wedding reception, HELL TO THE NO!

-JAJ