How do I make it up to my wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:50 here. Also, why the hell is is "annoying" that she doesn't use condiments on her food?

Annoying was the wrong word, weird was a better word choice. Her other habits are annoying, this one is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:50 here. Also, why the hell is is "annoying" that she doesn't use condiments on her food?

Annoying was the wrong word, weird was a better word choice. Her other habits are annoying, this one is weird.

It's not weird. It's weird that you care so much about other people's eating habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little back story, my wife has a few annoying habits that I tend to tease her about. One of them is she doesn't use condiments on her food. Yesterday we went to a bbq at my uncle's house and usually she'll avoid eating certain food like hamburgers or hot dogs in front of them because she doesn't want my family to talk about how she eats. Yesterday she had an Italian sausage (just the sausage alone) and I asked her if she wanted a bun and she said no. Then one of my cousins asked her if she wanted mustard or relish and she said no thanks so she said you're just going to eat it plain, that's weird. I told her she eats all of her food like that, then I joked saying she doesn't eat like a human (something I always tell her) and she was really quiet the rest of the time we were there. She's usually quiet so I didn't think anything of it. On the car ride home, she started crying and said I embarrassed her in front of my family and she said this is why she doesn't like going to their events or eating around them. I apologized and told her we always joke like that, but she said she didn't take it as a joke. She hasn't spoken to me since. How can make this up to her?

Your family sounds a lot like mine. A lot of fun. We kid around a lot. If we make fun of you, it means we like you. If I take a guy around my family and they don't make fun of him by the end of the day, they don't like him. If you are a little sensitive then families like this are going to be hard on you. I assume your wife knew about your family before marrying you. If she knew this then she also needs to grow a little tougher knowing who she is dealing with. Can you and your family take it a little easier on her? Sure but she has to give some too. Maybe make a little fun of herself about her condiment use and then that takes the attention off her. You didn't embarrass her in front of your family, she got treated like the rest of the family. You don't want your wife to be that one person the whole family has to tiptoe around all the time. That causes way to many problems and the family will start to think she isn't really part of them. You could back of a bit but she needs to grow a little armor around your family and be able to take and give it back when she is around them.

+1 You don't seem well matched. If you don't have kids then just get a divorce.

We have two kids. I wouldn't divorce her over that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say just stop making such jokes since she's obviously sensitive about it. I don't get why it's hard for men to do that. BUUUTTT, if the way you described it is accurate, she's being absurdly over sensitive. But who cares, if this is the one issue, indulge her and drop it.

Yeah, she is over sensitive. That sounds kind of funny to me and it's a very trivial issue.
But yeah, don't do it anymore and flowers sounds good.

How did a jokester end up with an overly sensitive gal?
Sometimes I wish my husband paid me enough attention in public to make a joke like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:50 here. Also, why the hell is is "annoying" that she doesn't use condiments on her food?

I eat mostly condiment on my food. All condiment , no food.
Tease away...

I had a professor in grad school who ate so much ketchup on his food they gave him a case of it at his retirement party.

I'd rather have someone teasing me about these things than not!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:50 here. Also, why the hell is is "annoying" that she doesn't use condiments on her food?

I eat mostly condiment on my food. All condiment , no food.
Tease away...

I had a professor in grad school who ate so much ketchup on his food they gave him a case of it at his retirement party.

I'd rather have someone teasing me about these things than not!

Good for you but it's not about you. OP's DW is a different person who feels differently than you do.

OP - STFU next time and take her out to dinner or something nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:50 here. Also, why the hell is is "annoying" that she doesn't use condiments on her food?

Annoying was the wrong word, weird was a better word choice. Her other habits are annoying, this one is weird.

Nope. Not weird. Different from you. Different does not equal weird.

Everybody wants to feel seen and loved *as they are*. Most people want to fit in and don't like to be called weird or have their differences pointed out, especially in a disparaging way. This is psych 101.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say just stop making such jokes since she's obviously sensitive about it. I don't get why it's hard for men to do that. BUUUTTT, if the way you described it is accurate, she's being absurdly over sensitive. But who cares, if this is the one issue, indulge her and drop it.

Yeah, she is over sensitive. That sounds kind of funny to me and it's a very trivial issue.
But yeah, don't do it anymore and flowers sounds good.

How did a jokester end up with an overly sensitive gal?
Sometimes I wish my husband paid me enough attention in public to make a joke like that.

She's usually not overly sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say just stop making such jokes since she's obviously sensitive about it. I don't get why it's hard for men to do that. BUUUTTT, if the way you described it is accurate, she's being absurdly over sensitive. But who cares, if this is the one issue, indulge her and drop it.

Yeah, she is over sensitive. That sounds kind of funny to me and it's a very trivial issue.
But yeah, don't do it anymore and flowers sounds good.

How did a jokester end up with an overly sensitive gal?
Sometimes I wish my husband paid me enough attention in public to make a joke like that.

She's usually not overly sensitive.

Then FFS, stop teasing her about this one freakin thing! She's game for good natured teasing for other topics but wants to be left alone about this one stupid thing. SO DO IT! STOP WITH THE TEASING ALREADY. JFC, you're obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say just stop making such jokes since she's obviously sensitive about it. I don't get why it's hard for men to do that. BUUUTTT, if the way you described it is accurate, she's being absurdly over sensitive. But who cares, if this is the one issue, indulge her and drop it.

No. Sensitive would be them alone, and he says it. This was different. This was in front of family who was teasing her too. I never understand why family like this (my ILs are like that) have nothing better to talk about.

Op, I would apologize, taker her on a special date. Tell her you'll take her anywhere. Really give her a listening ear, phones away. On your best behavior. (No complaining about rude diners, parking or whatever). Keep it positive.

[Anonymous]

The trolls these days sound like five year olds on those old Candid Camera/Kids Say the Darndest Things shows, where, when interviewed about their imaginary future wives, they would describe their juvenile priorities, like my wife will have to like ketchup, just like Mommy and me, and she can't cry if I don't let her play with my trucks.

[Anonymous]

OP is there anything else going on? Have you guys been doing well otherwise lately?

Sometimes if my DH did something that upset me/hurt my feelings that I didn't think bothered me much at the time it lingers and comes out in weird ways.Or sometimes when he does something fairly innocuous and I'm already upset and its like, a symbol of something I find kind of annoying I react way more harshly. Like my DH is really kind of stoic/unemotional and a week or two ago my baby got sick and I had like a meltdown thinking I was going to get my third stomach flu in as many months. Like crying, I was being completely ridiculous. And my DH like, was rubbing my back while scrolling through his phone. And I was like, if you're just going to ignore me don't even bother!!!!! Which was crazy there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. But I was otherwise upset and so it struck a nerve.

Long way of asking, could your wife be unhappy and upset about something else? Therefore making her more vulnerable to being upset about something that normally she laughs off as no big deal?

[Anonymous]

No, other than this, we're good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, other than this, we're good.

What about her specifically? I think you sound like a jerk who has weird ideas about jokes, but if she knows this about you already and hasn't called you out before, maybe there is something going on with her that you didn't know about that's making her extra sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say just stop making such jokes since she's obviously sensitive about it. I don't get why it's hard for men to do that. BUUUTTT, if the way you described it is accurate, she's being absurdly over sensitive. But who cares, if this is the one issue, indulge her and drop it.

No. Sensitive would be them alone, and he says it. This was different. This was in front of family who was teasing her too. I never understand why family like this (my ILs are like that) have nothing better to talk about.

Op, I would apologize, taker her on a special date. Tell her you'll take her anywhere. Really give her a listening ear, phones away. On your best behavior. (No complaining about rude diners, parking or whatever). Keep it positive.

A special date for being teased about condiments?

Why was she actually upset? It can't actually be over the sausage talk.

I dunno, though. If this is your guys's biggest problem, then the simplest thing seems to be to stop talking about ketchup in front of her.