My mom punched me....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most people have at least one person in his/her lives who are just bad for them. Some of us have had friends we stopped talking to because their presence brings us down and worse, brings out the worst in us. I've come to the conclusion that this is the truth about my relationship with my own parents. A few years ago I realized that talking with them for longer than 10 mins on the phone or even in person just results in negative conversations that are nothing but massive wastes of time. I would be one of those people who would end up in an hour-plus phone call with both of them on the phone yelling at me about my need to do this, do that, etc. Do I really need to open myself up to yet another argument about XYZ? NO WAY!

At one point I said, "wow," an hour went by that I could have spent reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee at the nice cafe down the block, talking to a good friend, cleaning the bathroom, whatever. So many say, but but but they're your parents, you'll miss then when they're gone. Yeah, ok, however, if you walk away from interactions with them feeling worse about yourself or life in general, who cares who they are?

Get out of the house ASAP. This sounds like something that's been going on forever and it's not going to change. Focus on your move, your life, how you want to spend your time.

Op here- thank you, I really appreciate this as it's exactly how I feel. 99% of the time, talking to her just makes me feel like shit about myself and I wonder why I even bother. I've been wanting to completely cut her off for years now but just never did it. We'd been getting along well lately but most likely because I've been doing so much for her that she's had nothing to complain about (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner for everyone, etc.). I'm just ready to give up and realize we will never have a healthy relationship.
I'm in a happy, long term relationship with a great guy and we are starting a future together in 2 weeks and moving to a new state together to start a new chapter in our lives and I think now is a good time for me to just cut her off.

These are the kinds of things people are expected to do when they stay somewhere for free. But you make it sound like you are doing something extraordinary to placate your mom -- you are not. You are doing what is expected of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are 27. Act like an adult and don't be around her.

+1 You're 27 and in her home. You're basically taking complete advantage of your mother for a free place to crash, admitting you cannot stand her. Go to a hotel or stay at a friend's house if she's that bad. Why do you think you get to stay at mom's house for free but she cannot talk to you as if she's your mom? Personally, you sound nuts to tell your mother to keep her opinion to herself over something as benign and stupid as wasted calories in iced tea. I guess tone of voice is everything, but you could have said, "Oh, sorry, I didn't see that sitting there" and gone upstairs without the drama. I get she raised you, but you need to learn how to act too. I would not want a house guest like that in my house, where I pay the bills, utilities and groceries. You are not her equal. Sorry.

OP here- I am not taking complete advantage of her at all. I offered to pay rent for the month I'd be here and both her and my dad said no and that all they'd ask for me is for help with my sister (driving her to/from activities, etc.) as they both would be working. On top of that, I clean the house, cook dinner 4-5 nights a week, organized the pantry and two closets that were in desperate need of organizing and also cut the lawn once a week. I've done as much as I could to help out while staying here and no one looks at it as taking advantage. She has serious anger issues and snaps over the smallest things which we all have gotten sick of. She made my 15 year old sister break down crying because she screamed at her for 15 minutes about leaving her towel on the bathroom floor and not hanging it. She takes the tiniest issue and turns it into a screaming fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure OP is leaving out some pertinent details about all sorts of infuriating crap that she does herself that her Mom has to endure. And that her mom hit her when she was 14 (OP calls it a punch it may have been a hard slap and she may have deserved it). That said assuming OP has done nothing else to antagonize her mom, yeah, she should couch surf elsewhere.

Op here- My mother has been physically and emotionally abusive since I was around 14. When I was 15, she hit me over and over with her hands and a hairdryer for not bringing my clothes upstairs. I ran out the door and to a neighbors house who was a friend and her dad took one look at me and called the cops. They came and took pics of the marks all over my body and then went and spoke to my mom and told her how that couldn't happen again. So no, I didn't deserve it and it's sickening for you to say that a 14 year old child deserves to be beat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most people have at least one person in his/her lives who are just bad for them. Some of us have had friends we stopped talking to because their presence brings us down and worse, brings out the worst in us. I've come to the conclusion that this is the truth about my relationship with my own parents. A few years ago I realized that talking with them for longer than 10 mins on the phone or even in person just results in negative conversations that are nothing but massive wastes of time. I would be one of those people who would end up in an hour-plus phone call with both of them on the phone yelling at me about my need to do this, do that, etc. Do I really need to open myself up to yet another argument about XYZ? NO WAY!

At one point I said, "wow," an hour went by that I could have spent reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee at the nice cafe down the block, talking to a good friend, cleaning the bathroom, whatever. So many say, but but but they're your parents, you'll miss then when they're gone. Yeah, ok, however, if you walk away from interactions with them feeling worse about yourself or life in general, who cares who they are?

Get out of the house ASAP. This sounds like something that's been going on forever and it's not going to change. Focus on your move, your life, how you want to spend your time.

Op here- thank you, I really appreciate this as it's exactly how I feel. 99% of the time, talking to her just makes me feel like shit about myself and I wonder why I even bother. I've been wanting to completely cut her off for years now but just never did it. We'd been getting along well lately but most likely because I've been doing so much for her that she's had nothing to complain about (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner for everyone, etc.). I'm just ready to give up and realize we will never have a healthy relationship.
I'm in a happy, long term relationship with a great guy and we are starting a future together in 2 weeks and moving to a new state together to start a new chapter in our lives and I think now is a good time for me to just cut her off.

These are the kinds of things people are expected to do when they stay somewhere for free. But you make it sound like you are doing something extraordinary to placate your mom -- you are not. You are doing what is expected of you.

Op here- no, these things are not expected of me at all. As i stated above, they told me the ONLY thing that they wanted from me over the month was help with my sister. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do anything. I do the above things to help my father out as he's normally the one who has to handle everything as my mom likes to be catered to. I don't think that if you have someone statying with you for a month, you'd expect them to grocery shop and clean your house. I do it all because I'm around and able to and I know it helps my dad. I buy my own food so they don't feel like they have to feed me and while I'm out buying my own groceries, I pick up stuff for them...on my own dime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most people have at least one person in his/her lives who are just bad for them. Some of us have had friends we stopped talking to because their presence brings us down and worse, brings out the worst in us. I've come to the conclusion that this is the truth about my relationship with my own parents. A few years ago I realized that talking with them for longer than 10 mins on the phone or even in person just results in negative conversations that are nothing but massive wastes of time. I would be one of those people who would end up in an hour-plus phone call with both of them on the phone yelling at me about my need to do this, do that, etc. Do I really need to open myself up to yet another argument about XYZ? NO WAY!

At one point I said, "wow," an hour went by that I could have spent reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee at the nice cafe down the block, talking to a good friend, cleaning the bathroom, whatever. So many say, but but but they're your parents, you'll miss then when they're gone. Yeah, ok, however, if you walk away from interactions with them feeling worse about yourself or life in general, who cares who they are?

Get out of the house ASAP. This sounds like something that's been going on forever and it's not going to change. Focus on your move, your life, how you want to spend your time.

Op here- thank you, I really appreciate this as it's exactly how I feel. 99% of the time, talking to her just makes me feel like shit about myself and I wonder why I even bother. I've been wanting to completely cut her off for years now but just never did it. We'd been getting along well lately but most likely because I've been doing so much for her that she's had nothing to complain about (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner for everyone, etc.). I'm just ready to give up and realize we will never have a healthy relationship.
I'm in a happy, long term relationship with a great guy and we are starting a future together in 2 weeks and moving to a new state together to start a new chapter in our lives and I think now is a good time for me to just cut her off.

These are the kinds of things people are expected to do when they stay somewhere for free. But you make it sound like you are doing something extraordinary to placate your mom -- you are not. You are doing what is expected of you.

Op here- no, these things are not expected of me at all. As i stated above, they told me the ONLY thing that they wanted from me over the month was help with my sister. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do anything. I do the above things to help my father out as he's normally the one who has to handle everything as my mom likes to be catered to. I don't think that if you have someone statying with you for a month, you'd expect them to grocery shop and clean your house. I do it all because I'm around and able to and I know it helps my dad. I buy my own food so they don't feel like they have to feed me and while I'm out buying my own groceries, I pick up stuff for them...on my own dime.

OP, these are EXACTLY the kinds of things that are expected of you when you stay for free as a guest in someone's home. You will be expected to do these kinds of things again should you ever be a guest in someone else's house in the future. Consider it a lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most people have at least one person in his/her lives who are just bad for them. Some of us have had friends we stopped talking to because their presence brings us down and worse, brings out the worst in us. I've come to the conclusion that this is the truth about my relationship with my own parents. A few years ago I realized that talking with them for longer than 10 mins on the phone or even in person just results in negative conversations that are nothing but massive wastes of time. I would be one of those people who would end up in an hour-plus phone call with both of them on the phone yelling at me about my need to do this, do that, etc. Do I really need to open myself up to yet another argument about XYZ? NO WAY!

At one point I said, "wow," an hour went by that I could have spent reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee at the nice cafe down the block, talking to a good friend, cleaning the bathroom, whatever. So many say, but but but they're your parents, you'll miss then when they're gone. Yeah, ok, however, if you walk away from interactions with them feeling worse about yourself or life in general, who cares who they are?

Get out of the house ASAP. This sounds like something that's been going on forever and it's not going to change. Focus on your move, your life, how you want to spend your time.

Op here- thank you, I really appreciate this as it's exactly how I feel. 99% of the time, talking to her just makes me feel like shit about myself and I wonder why I even bother. I've been wanting to completely cut her off for years now but just never did it. We'd been getting along well lately but most likely because I've been doing so much for her that she's had nothing to complain about (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner for everyone, etc.). I'm just ready to give up and realize we will never have a healthy relationship.
I'm in a happy, long term relationship with a great guy and we are starting a future together in 2 weeks and moving to a new state together to start a new chapter in our lives and I think now is a good time for me to just cut her off.

These are the kinds of things people are expected to do when they stay somewhere for free. But you make it sound like you are doing something extraordinary to placate your mom -- you are not. You are doing what is expected of you.

Op here- no, these things are not expected of me at all. As i stated above, they told me the ONLY thing that they wanted from me over the month was help with my sister. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do anything. I do the above things to help my father out as he's normally the one who has to handle everything as my mom likes to be catered to. I don't think that if you have someone statying with you for a month, you'd expect them to grocery shop and clean your house. I do it all because I'm around and able to and I know it helps my dad. I buy my own food so they don't feel like they have to feed me and while I'm out buying my own groceries, I pick up stuff for them...on my own dime.

OP, these are EXACTLY the kinds of things that are expected of you when you stay for free as a guest in someone's home. You will be expected to do these kinds of things again should you ever be a guest in someone else's house in the future. Consider it a lesson learned.

wow your guests must love you if you expect them to buy you groceries and deep clean your house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most people have at least one person in his/her lives who are just bad for them. Some of us have had friends we stopped talking to because their presence brings us down and worse, brings out the worst in us. I've come to the conclusion that this is the truth about my relationship with my own parents. A few years ago I realized that talking with them for longer than 10 mins on the phone or even in person just results in negative conversations that are nothing but massive wastes of time. I would be one of those people who would end up in an hour-plus phone call with both of them on the phone yelling at me about my need to do this, do that, etc. Do I really need to open myself up to yet another argument about XYZ? NO WAY!

At one point I said, "wow," an hour went by that I could have spent reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee at the nice cafe down the block, talking to a good friend, cleaning the bathroom, whatever. So many say, but but but they're your parents, you'll miss then when they're gone. Yeah, ok, however, if you walk away from interactions with them feeling worse about yourself or life in general, who cares who they are?

Get out of the house ASAP. This sounds like something that's been going on forever and it's not going to change. Focus on your move, your life, how you want to spend your time.

Op here- thank you, I really appreciate this as it's exactly how I feel. 99% of the time, talking to her just makes me feel like shit about myself and I wonder why I even bother. I've been wanting to completely cut her off for years now but just never did it. We'd been getting along well lately but most likely because I've been doing so much for her that she's had nothing to complain about (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner for everyone, etc.). I'm just ready to give up and realize we will never have a healthy relationship.
I'm in a happy, long term relationship with a great guy and we are starting a future together in 2 weeks and moving to a new state together to start a new chapter in our lives and I think now is a good time for me to just cut her off.

These are the kinds of things people are expected to do when they stay somewhere for free. But you make it sound like you are doing something extraordinary to placate your mom -- you are not. You are doing what is expected of you.

Op here- no, these things are not expected of me at all. As i stated above, they told me the ONLY thing that they wanted from me over the month was help with my sister. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do anything. I do the above things to help my father out as he's normally the one who has to handle everything as my mom likes to be catered to. I don't think that if you have someone statying with you for a month, you'd expect them to grocery shop and clean your house. I do it all because I'm around and able to and I know it helps my dad. I buy my own food so they don't feel like they have to feed me and while I'm out buying my own groceries, I pick up stuff for them...on my own dime.

OP, these are EXACTLY the kinds of things that are expected of you when you stay for free as a guest in someone's home. You will be expected to do these kinds of things again should you ever be a guest in someone else's house in the future. Consider it a lesson learned.

wow your guests must love you if you expect them to buy you groceries and deep clean your house

That's what I expect of myself as an extended guest, to make life easier for them.

[Anonymous]

I'm very sorry OP. You first have to deal with being abused and then people will victimize you further by placing blame on you. There is no excuse or reason for a mom to punch her daughter. Tune out anyone who tells you why it's partially your fault.

The reason that people empathize with the abuser is that they think that by rationalizing her behavior based on what you did that "they" would never be in the same situation as you.

[Anonymous]

was help with my sister. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do anything. I do the above things to help my father out as he's normally the one who has to handle everything as my mom likes to be catered to. I don't think that if you have someone statying with you for a month, you'd expect them to grocery shop and clean your house. I do it all because I'm around and able to and I know it helps my dad. I buy my own food so they don't feel like they have to feed me and while I'm out buying my own groceries, I pick up stuff for them...on my own dime.


OP, these are EXACTLY the kinds of things that are expected of you when you stay for free as a guest in someone's home. You will be expected to do these kinds of things again should you ever be a guest in someone else's house in the future. Consider it a lesson learned.


wow your guests must love you if you expect them to buy you groceries and deep clean your house


That's what I expect of myself as an extended guest, to make life easier for them.

NP here. You want to come stay at my house? Your expectations are pretty high. I've had lots of long term guests and been a guest. What OP does is well beyond what's expected.

[Anonymous]

Op here- My mother has been physically and emotionally abusive since I was around 14. When I was 15, she hit me over and over with her hands and a hairdryer for not bringing my clothes upstairs. I ran out the door and to a neighbors house who was a friend and her dad took one look at me and called the cops. They came and took pics of the marks all over my body and then went and spoke to my mom and told her how that couldn't happen again. So no, I didn't deserve it and it's sickening for you to say that a 14 year old child deserves to be beat.

NP here.

Please see your own statement in bold here, OP.

You have a boyfriend and a life in another state awaiting you, and it's good that you're getting away, and great that you're in therapy -- please find a new therapist as your top priority when you move, because you have a lot to sort through with a professional. Good for you for getting that help.

But meanwhile, OP, your 15-year-old sibling does not have any such "outs" to anticipate. You are escaping (and rightly so). But your sibling is left there for at least another three years unless your dad grows a spine and leaves your mother, taking your sibling with him.

Please, PLEASE get your dad alone and talk to him with extreme urgency about leaving your mother and taking your sibling or else your sibling is basically set up for a life even shitter than the one your mom created for you. You say above that you were being beaten at 15 -- the same age as your sibling is NOW.

Your dad must intervene here and end the abuse by removing this teen from this home. It sounds like only you might be able to convince him of this. If he is, as you mentioned earlier, only staying with your mom because this sibling is still living at home - that is NO reason. Even the sibling wants out, you say that yourself. I know you are focused on getting out of there but please help your sibling by telling your dad that sibling said a divorce would have been welcome years ago.

Your sibling is probably already being beaten and is learning that mom is hell and dad is weak and won't help. You naturally have your own issues, and that's understandable, but please, before you flee, reach out to your dad and sibling to shake them up enough to leave your mom. If they do it and it burns all your bridges with your mom because she knows you urged them to leave her, so what? You and she have nothing to salvage together. But you could help salvage your sibling's mental health, maybe even his or her life.

Tell them you are willing to testify to the fact your mother beat you at that age and attacked you physically only recently, if that would help a lawyer to make their case. I know you didn't want to escalate things by calling the cops, but that might have helped establish with the police that your mom gets violent. That's done now, but meanwhile, please stop and consider making your sibling's escape the one good thing you can try to achieve out of this mess. You must get dad on board, though.

[Anonymous]

Lots of melodramatic posts here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most people have at least one person in his/her lives who are just bad for them. Some of us have had friends we stopped talking to because their presence brings us down and worse, brings out the worst in us. I've come to the conclusion that this is the truth about my relationship with my own parents. A few years ago I realized that talking with them for longer than 10 mins on the phone or even in person just results in negative conversations that are nothing but massive wastes of time. I would be one of those people who would end up in an hour-plus phone call with both of them on the phone yelling at me about my need to do this, do that, etc. Do I really need to open myself up to yet another argument about XYZ? NO WAY!

At one point I said, "wow," an hour went by that I could have spent reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee at the nice cafe down the block, talking to a good friend, cleaning the bathroom, whatever. So many say, but but but they're your parents, you'll miss then when they're gone. Yeah, ok, however, if you walk away from interactions with them feeling worse about yourself or life in general, who cares who they are?

Get out of the house ASAP. This sounds like something that's been going on forever and it's not going to change. Focus on your move, your life, how you want to spend your time.

Op here- thank you, I really appreciate this as it's exactly how I feel. 99% of the time, talking to her just makes me feel like shit about myself and I wonder why I even bother. I've been wanting to completely cut her off for years now but just never did it. We'd been getting along well lately but most likely because I've been doing so much for her that she's had nothing to complain about (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner for everyone, etc.). I'm just ready to give up and realize we will never have a healthy relationship.
I'm in a happy, long term relationship with a great guy and we are starting a future together in 2 weeks and moving to a new state together to start a new chapter in our lives and I think now is a good time for me to just cut her off.

These are the kinds of things people are expected to do when they stay somewhere for free. But you make it sound like you are doing something extraordinary to placate your mom -- you are not. You are doing what is expected of you.

Op here- no, these things are not expected of me at all. As i stated above, they told me the ONLY thing that they wanted from me over the month was help with my sister. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do anything. I do the above things to help my father out as he's normally the one who has to handle everything as my mom likes to be catered to. I don't think that if you have someone statying with you for a month, you'd expect them to grocery shop and clean your house. I do it all because I'm around and able to and I know it helps my dad. I buy my own food so they don't feel like they have to feed me and while I'm out buying my own groceries, I pick up stuff for them...on my own dime.

OP, these are EXACTLY the kinds of things that are expected of you when you stay for free as a guest in someone's home. You will be expected to do these kinds of things again should you ever be a guest in someone else's house in the future. Consider it a lesson learned.

NP here. So what's your point? So you're saying her mom was valid in punching her??? She never said she was being put out by doing the things she mentioned above. She was simply responding that she was doing her part while staying with her family. But apparently you think she's ungrateful and therefore deserves to be beaten?

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the responses, but OP - just go to a hotel, to a friend's couch, whatever you need to do to get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was right at the beginning when you said "Obviously I didn't do it on purpose." You should be trying to DE-ESCALATE every interaction with your mother. So the appropriate response would have been, "You're right, I'm sorry and moving it now."

You need to grow up. You were clearly itching for a fight.

And by the way, not everyone is best friends with their mom. I'm not. But neither of us would ever physically harm each other.

In terms of getting through the next two weeks, learn the hours of the library and Starbucks. Spend all your free time during the day there. Only go home to sleep, shower and change, and store your things. Don't spread out in the living room. Once you move out do not get together with your mother unless it's in a public place.

I disagree.
Her mistake was that she was staying at the house to begin with.....
She knows that she and her mother do not get along. She knows that it is a volatile relationship. Why stay there to begin with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, most people have at least one person in his/her lives who are just bad for them. Some of us have had friends we stopped talking to because their presence brings us down and worse, brings out the worst in us. I've come to the conclusion that this is the truth about my relationship with my own parents. A few years ago I realized that talking with them for longer than 10 mins on the phone or even in person just results in negative conversations that are nothing but massive wastes of time. I would be one of those people who would end up in an hour-plus phone call with both of them on the phone yelling at me about my need to do this, do that, etc. Do I really need to open myself up to yet another argument about XYZ? NO WAY!

At one point I said, "wow," an hour went by that I could have spent reading a book, enjoying a cup of coffee at the nice cafe down the block, talking to a good friend, cleaning the bathroom, whatever. So many say, but but but they're your parents, you'll miss then when they're gone. Yeah, ok, however, if you walk away from interactions with them feeling worse about yourself or life in general, who cares who they are?

Get out of the house ASAP. This sounds like something that's been going on forever and it's not going to change. Focus on your move, your life, how you want to spend your time.

Op here- thank you, I really appreciate this as it's exactly how I feel. 99% of the time, talking to her just makes me feel like shit about myself and I wonder why I even bother. I've been wanting to completely cut her off for years now but just never did it. We'd been getting along well lately but most likely because I've been doing so much for her that she's had nothing to complain about (cleaning the house, grocery shopping, making dinner for everyone, etc.). I'm just ready to give up and realize we will never have a healthy relationship.
I'm in a happy, long term relationship with a great guy and we are starting a future together in 2 weeks and moving to a new state together to start a new chapter in our lives and I think now is a good time for me to just cut her off.

These are the kinds of things people are expected to do when they stay somewhere for free. But you make it sound like you are doing something extraordinary to placate your mom -- you are not. You are doing what is expected of you.

Op here- no, these things are not expected of me at all. As i stated above, they told me the ONLY thing that they wanted from me over the month was help with my sister. My mom doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't do anything. I do the above things to help my father out as he's normally the one who has to handle everything as my mom likes to be catered to. I don't think that if you have someone statying with you for a month, you'd expect them to grocery shop and clean your house. I do it all because I'm around and able to and I know it helps my dad. I buy my own food so they don't feel like they have to feed me and while I'm out buying my own groceries, I pick up stuff for them...on my own dime.

OP, these are EXACTLY the kinds of things that are expected of you when you stay for free as a guest in someone's home. You will be expected to do these kinds of things again should you ever be a guest in someone else's house in the future. Consider it a lesson learned.

NP here. So what's your point? So you're saying her mom was valid in punching her??? She never said she was being put out by doing the things she mentioned above. She was simply responding that she was doing her part while staying with her family. But apparently you think she's ungrateful and therefore deserves to be beaten?

That's a crazy leap of logic right there, PP.