My mom punched me....

[Anonymous]

I've posted on here before, I believe the title was "I hate my mother" or something along those lines. I'm 27 and we just have an awful relationship, plain and simple. Ever since I was about 14, she's been both physically and emotionally abusive towards me. Since I was 18, I've just strayed from her as I've gotten sick of the emotional abuse. She truly has a mental disorder as sometimes she will be so nice and call me asking to go shopping with her and then other times she will call me to bitch at me about something.

I'm moving to another state in a week and a half and my lease on my old place ended on May 31 so I ended up asking my parents if I could just move back home for a month and they agreed. My plan was to avoid my mother at all costs and just have limited contact with her. It has worked perfectly for the last 4 weeks but all hell broke lose on Monday night. She came home from work in a mood as usual and I went to pack up my laptop and stuff to go to my room so I could just be away from her as I do most nights. I accidentally left my iced tea bottle on the table in the living room and as I'm heading upstairs she starts freaking out on me asking why I left my "shit on the table". I go back and grab it and say "obviously I didn't it on purpose" and it turns into her yelling at me about how I shouldn't be drinking those drinks because they have so many carbs and sugar and whatever. I told her that I'm 27 and don't need her to tell me what I can and can't drink and to please keep her comments to herself and she just started going OFF on me. My dad came in at that moment and he's just staying out of it and literally 5 minutes later I tell her that I'm not going to listen to her be a bitch towards me and that she needs to calm down. I go to take my laptop off the table and walk upstairs and she just comes after me and punches me in the arm and neck. I shoved her away from me because sorry but she's not going to touch me and I said "do NOT put your hands on me." She goes to come at me again and my dad had to come in between us. At this point it turns into a screaming match and I regret giving into her but I was just so distraught and done at that point so I called her some names and then told her "10 more days and I'm out, don't worry!" And went to my room and just started balling. I'm so done with her and the fucked up relationship that we have. All my friends have moms who are like a best friend to them and I have this shitty mother who treats me like shit and I'm just done with her. I haven't spoken to her since Monday night and I don't plan to. I'm going away from Saturday July 2nd until the 5th and then come back and I leave for good on the 9th. Once I move, I just want to cut her off for good. I'm just worried about living here for the next 2 weeks and am just trying my best to stay Away from her and not be around her. I told my best friend about her punching me and she told me I should hAve called the cops but that would have just escalated things. I don't know what I'm trying to get out of this post, maybe just someone to tell me that I'm making the right decision by cutting her off? Sorry for the long vent.

[Anonymous]

If you know she is bat shit crazy, why are you engaging with her? Grab the iced tea and leave the room. Also, at this point, I would get a hotel room or crash with a friend

[Anonymous]

Poor you. I feel for your poor father as well - he's so enmeshed he will probably never leave her, right?

Hang in there, OP - only a few days to go. You can keep it together until then!

Except if you think she's going to murder you in your sleep? Then go to a friend's. What kind of mental illness do you think she has? Have you talked calmly to your father about her symptoms?

[Anonymous]

Just leave. It's crazy for you to purposely put yourself in a situation with her. I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue, either, so I get it. But knowing this, you shouldn't even be there.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry you have a mom like this. Even after you move out it will take a long time to accept this. Therapy would help.

Meanwhile, DO NOT ENGAGE.

You will move out, and on with your life. You will hopefully meet a man (or woman) with a great mom who can be a second mom to you.

But you will grieve for the relationship you did not have with your mom for your whole life, trust me on this, and that's why therapy helps.

I know. I had a dad like that and I was always so jealous and bitter about the girls who were "Daddy's girls."

Remember two things: DON'T ENGAGE and living well is the best revenge.

[Anonymous]

You are 27. Act like an adult and don't be around her.

[Anonymous]

You sound a lot alike. She snaps at you, you snap back, she swings at you, you call her names....seek help. And move out.

[Anonymous]

Therapy. Honestly, it will be hard and it will suck. But it can help you unravel the unhealthy ways your mother treats you. It will be both sad and freeing at the same time.

I'd never plan to stay under the same roof with her again. Ever. Do not ask for favors, do not come for holidays, do not let your father guilt you into a visit where you sleep at their house. Move out early if you can, I wouldn't wait 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Your mistake was right at the beginning when you said "Obviously I didn't do it on purpose." You should be trying to DE-ESCALATE every interaction with your mother. So the appropriate response would have been, "You're right, I'm sorry and moving it now."

You need to grow up. You were clearly itching for a fight.

And by the way, not everyone is best friends with their mom. I'm not. But neither of us would ever physically harm each other.

In terms of getting through the next two weeks, learn the hours of the library and Starbucks. Spend all your free time during the day there. Only go home to sleep, shower and change, and store your things. Don't spread out in the living room. Once you move out do not get together with your mother unless it's in a public place.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth are you still planning on staying there? It's ridiculous to me that you write this post and then say that you wonder how you will survive the next few days. You are 27 with an abusive mother, not 12. Stay at a friend's house or get a motel room.

[Anonymous]

I have never known someone who doesn't themselves have psychological issues engage with an abusive parent. Someone who doesn't have issues would not engage to the level you did.

You need therapy to get over the environment you grew up in and learn how to step away from conflict rather than escalate it. Otherwise it's going to fuck up every aspect of your life in the future.

And I have NO IDEA why you would willingly move in with your parents at 27 if you have this sort of relationship with your mom. Move out NOW. Stay with a friend or in an inexpensive motel. You should NOT be living with someone you have this sort of relationship with.

P.S. It's "bawling"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth are you still planning on staying there? It's ridiculous to me that you write this post and then say that you wonder how you will survive the next few days. You are 27 with an abusive mother, not 12. Stay at a friend's house or get a motel room.

Yeah, I was also wondering why she didn't couch surf or rent a cheap apartment for half a month or something.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry your mother and father are unable to provide you with the love and care that every child needs and deserves to get from their parents. That's a very sad and difficult thing to come to terms with. I would recommend therapy, if that's possible for you.

I'm also sorry some people are being jerks to you on this thread. Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, not sure if you expected sympathy or what, but I agree with the others. First, why on earth are you still there? Couch surf until you leave. Secondly, and this is what I don't think you see, is that you are just as much at fault for this one as your mom is.

Saying "obviously I didn't it on purpose" was YOU knowingly starting something. You already know she's a hot mess. You should have just said, "sorry. I'll move it now" and hurried upstairs.
Then, saying, "I'm 27 and don't need you to tell me what I can and can't drink" again. Seriously? you're engaging with someone with a problem and you're pouring salt into it.

Take responsibility for your part in this and move out now!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but you just can't move in with your parents but then skulk around in your room and avoid your mom. If you can't have a normal relationship with your parents, regardless of whose fault it may be, DO NOT move back in, for a month or even for a day. Seriously, I fail to understand why you would do something like this.