This is why we cannot talk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The men (usually men) who are so quick to call their wives "borderline," or say the problem is just their crazy wife, always fail to look at their own contributions to the dynamic.

OP, if you seriously want to improve your life and your marriage, you both need to get into therapy and do the hard work of looking at yourselves. That's all there is to it. I'm sorry, but there is no other way to improve the situation and typing out your anger on an anonymous internet forum will change nothing.

If your spouse won't go into therapy, go yourself.

If you don't want to do that, ask yourself what you are getting out of the status quo and why you are so determined to refuse to do the one thing that could really change your life.

This. "Borderline" is considered a pretty shady diagnosis even in the psych community. More often than not, and almost always when it's used in casual conversations/online forums, it's just blameshifting.

She's not perfect, but OP is no peach either. OP can change one of these things...

[Anonymous]

I think this OP has posted before. He hates his wife.

[Anonymous]

What are you looking for here OP? People to agree with you that your wife is a shrew?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also? "We cannot talk" isn't the same as "I refuse to speak openly with this person (and would rather judge hir on the internet)"

You choose to refrain from engaging your spouse, sharing your perspective, having an opinion, taking up your own space. Just like you've chosen to assign blame/responsibility for your inactions, and have tried to make it about how you "just can't even" because she is who/how you allege. Blameshifting is real.

Again, look to yourself and your own contributions to this situation. That's what you can control.

agree.

so what is OPs role in the house and does OP feel good at it? room for improvement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee your spouse has already picked up in the fact that you dread talking with her which makes her feel more depressed/angry. I think you need to look at how your behavior is contributing to the problem.

My own behavior? No. This is all her.

The few times I tried to engage it directly, she attacked. It's what she does -- she attacks. Me, the children. She literally snarl at the children if she's angry with them. If anyone dares challenge her or call her out on her persistent negativity, it's all our fault for being too sensitive and we should stop internalizing things all the time. Never mind that we all walk on eggshells around her.

My behavior was to disengage. It's a matter of self-preservation and I will not be made to feel guilty for it.

how many years have you been "disengaged" from your wife and family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee your spouse has already picked up in the fact that you dread talking with her which makes her feel more depressed/angry. I think you need to look at how your behavior is contributing to the problem.

My own behavior? No. This is all her.

The few times I tried to engage it directly, she attacked. It's what she does -- she attacks. Me, the children. She literally snarl at the children if she's angry with them. If anyone dares challenge her or call her out on her persistent negativity, it's all our fault for being too sensitive and we should stop internalizing things all the time. Never mind that we all walk on eggshells around her.

My behavior was to disengage. It's a matter of self-preservation and I will not be made to feel guilty for it.

how many years have you been "disengaged" from your wife and family?

Did OP say anything about disengaging from his children? Or are you just adding that part to try to score points?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee your spouse has already picked up in the fact that you dread talking with her which makes her feel more depressed/angry. I think you need to look at how your behavior is contributing to the problem.

My own behavior? No. This is all her.

The few times I tried to engage it directly, she attacked. It's what she does -- she attacks. Me, the children. She literally snarl at the children if she's angry with them. If anyone dares challenge her or call her out on her persistent negativity, it's all our fault for being too sensitive and we should stop internalizing things all the time. Never mind that we all walk on eggshells around her.

My behavior was to disengage. It's a matter of self-preservation and I will not be made to feel guilty for it.

how many years have you been "disengaged" from your wife and family?

Did OP say anything about disengaging from his children? Or are you just adding that part to try to score points?

Perhaps PP is just hoping OP keeps his toxic rage away from the kids? I mean, the guy threatened to backhand an anonymous internet commenter. He doesn't sound like the most stable of dads/dudes.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for you OP. I broke up with my fiance because she was so negative and constantly emotionally vomitted on me. Girlfirends are for venting, not your spouse at least not all the time.

I am amazed to see how many women here say their husbands are like this. How horrible to be married to a man like this. Sounds exhausting