Difference of opinion on what makes a kitchen "clean"

[Anonymous]

Sit down and talk to him. I love to cook but I make a mess and dont even notice it. My roommate has had to point out specific things to me and I've gotten a lot better over time- now it's like i can actually SEE the mess whereas before it looked fine.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but you don't get to criticize each other's standards with the division of labor. You're going to drive each other nuts. The poster above about the wife with blinders on really hit home. I wouldn't notice slightly greasy floors. I just wouldn't. And if I cooked a glorious meal and cleaned up all of the dishes from it, you bet your bippy I'd be furious if my spouse came in and criticized my cleaning (while himself leaving a mess of a different sort like your clutter that would drive me nuts.)

So here's what you do. It's simple:

"Phil, I love the meals you cook and generally think our division of labor us working out. But I'm really nitpicky about the floors and counters, and I think it would drive us both bonkers if I micromanage your cleaning. Could we come up with a fair trade so that I'd be in charge of floors and counters after you do the dishes? Like, maybe you do lunches and I'll do final cleaning?"

You be in charge of this is your thing. You're not going to change him, and he's not doing it wrong, any more than your clutter basket is wrong. It's just different. You want it your way, you do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you don't get to criticize each other's standards with the division of labor. You're going to drive each other nuts. The poster above about the wife with blinders on really hit home. I wouldn't notice slightly greasy floors. I just wouldn't. And if I cooked a glorious meal and cleaned up all of the dishes from it, you bet your bippy I'd be furious if my spouse came in and criticized my cleaning (while himself leaving a mess of a different sort like your clutter that would drive me nuts.)

So here's what you do. It's simple:

"Phil, I love the meals you cook and generally think our division of labor us working out. But I'm really nitpicky about the floors and counters, and I think it would drive us both bonkers if I micromanage your cleaning. Could we come up with a fair trade so that I'd be in charge of floors and counters after you do the dishes? Like, maybe you do lunches and I'll do final cleaning?"

You be in charge of this is your thing. You're not going to change him, and he's not doing it wrong, any more than your clutter basket is wrong. It's just different. You want it your way, you do it.

Are you crazy? YES you can! Fwiw, I am one of the PP who whipped her husband into shape. And it doesn't all flow in one direction either. He criticizes my efforts as well, if they are lacking. If you're not doing a good job, people should be able to tell you that without you getting bent out of shape about it.

[Anonymous]

DH has a mouth watering penis, so I gladly do ALL of the cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but you don't get to criticize each other's standards with the division of labor. You're going to drive each other nuts. The poster above about the wife with blinders on really hit home. I wouldn't notice slightly greasy floors. I just wouldn't. And if I cooked a glorious meal and cleaned up all of the dishes from it, you bet your bippy I'd be furious if my spouse came in and criticized my cleaning (while himself leaving a mess of a different sort like your clutter that would drive me nuts.)

So here's what you do. It's simple:

"Phil, I love the meals you cook and generally think our division of labor us working out. But I'm really nitpicky about the floors and counters, and I think it would drive us both bonkers if I micromanage your cleaning. Could we come up with a fair trade so that I'd be in charge of floors and counters after you do the dishes? Like, maybe you do lunches and I'll do final cleaning?"

You be in charge of this is your thing. You're not going to change him, and he's not doing it wrong, any more than your clutter basket is wrong. It's just different. You want it your way, you do it.

Are you crazy? YES you can! Fwiw, I am one of the PP who whipped her husband into shape. And it doesn't all flow in one direction either. He criticizes my efforts as well, if they are lacking. If you're not doing a good job, people should be able to tell you that without you getting bent out of shape about it.

OP again. This is exactly the issue! I really strive to keep in mind the saying (which I got from dcum) that if you're doing it, you're doing it right. But at the same time, there are minimum standards below which it doesn't really count as doing it at all. The issue between me and my DH appears to be that we can't agree on where that line is and, further, that I firmly believe he is half-assing it sometimes and that makes me mad. He denies it but I know him pretty well by this point.

Spent 1/2 hour this evening straightening up and then cleaning after this weekend's cooking bonanza (which I didn't even get to enjoy because I was out of town). Thanks for these posts. I'm going to try some combo of the advice, once I stop being so annoyed.

[Anonymous]

I think you should clean up after meals and he should take on more child care. Better for the kids anyway. Just dont criticize the way he gives baths.

[Anonymous]

I don't think chores will ever be split precisely 50/50 straight down the line for any two people.

In theory, it sounds all good + fair.
But if you're actually "keeping score," one side will always be doing more on certain occasions and less on others.

You can try asking him again to clean up the kitchen better, perhaps after dinner one night you can demonstrate what needs to be done & how important it is plus for safety reasons as well.

But as you know, you can only lead a horse to water......

If he still continues to leave the kitchen half-cleaned up, then the best solution is for you to do the clean-up while he bathes the kids.

[Anonymous]

hire a once every 2 weeks cleaning service- best $200 a month you'll ever spend. you cannot both delegate and then have it done exactly as you'd do it yourself, without treating someone like hired help. do it for the sake of your marriage, he's your partner, not your employee. and frankly, he sounds like a good one in many ways.

FWIW i am a DW who is a total slob. my dh can't believe how much mess i make in the kitchen when i cook. when i clean the kitchen i consider doing the dishes sufficient. when he cleans he wipes down all the counters and floor. but do you know what he just laughs at me and rolls his eyes. he takes on things he wants done a certain way, just as i do. when time is precious we outsource it. i agree with PP's suggestion about swapping for lunch duty, too.

nobody's perfect. the majority of identifiable salmonella illness cases result from eating in restaurants, so unless you also avoid eating out, i would suggest keeping all risks in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:greasy floors are a slip/fall risk. Chicken juice on the counter is a sanitation issue. This isn't just a question of how you prefer to load the spoons in the dishwasher, or what side of the sink to keep the sponge on.

No need to make a war about it though. Just have a sit down and discuss what it takes to get the kitchen to "all the way clean". If he's willing to do all of it, great. If he's not, offer to do the final tasks while he helps the kids brush their teeth and read a bedtime story.

It's a simple conversation.

He's carving a cooked chicken. Those aren't the dangerous kinds of chicken juice, calm down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shut up

Lol +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:greasy floors are a slip/fall risk. Chicken juice on the counter is a sanitation issue. This isn't just a question of how you prefer to load the spoons in the dishwasher, or what side of the sink to keep the sponge on.

No need to make a war about it though. Just have a sit down and discuss what it takes to get the kitchen to "all the way clean". If he's willing to do all of it, great. If he's not, offer to do the final tasks while he helps the kids brush their teeth and read a bedtime story.

It's a simple conversation.

He's carving a cooked chicken. Those aren't the dangerous kinds of chicken juice, calm down

Um... do you not understand that oil comes out of chickens? And oil is slippery?

Where is the disconnect?

[Anonymous]

Grease and juices attract cockroaches, too. I'm currently living in a rented condo while I wait to buy a place, and cockroaches are unfortunate an issue. The exterminator told me they are attracted to grease or other food, but especially grease. I used to be much more laissez-faire about the kitchen but now I am obsessive about keeping it spotless to avoid the pests. You might warn your husband about that possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grease and juices attract cockroaches, too. I'm currently living in a rented condo while I wait to buy a place, and cockroaches are unfortunate an issue. The exterminator told me they are attracted to grease or other food, but especially grease. I used to be much more laissez-faire about the kitchen but now I am obsessive about keeping it spotless to avoid the pests. You might warn your husband about that possibility.

Also if you have a mogwai and it eats chicken grease after midnight it will turn into a gremlin so I would warn your husband about that as well.

[Anonymous]

Practical solutions for the gripes mentioned:

Keep a container of Clorox wipes on the counter next to the stove. Ask that he wipe the counters with those after cooking. Takes two seconds.

Get a mat to put on the floor in front of the stove. If grease gets splattered you can either throw it in the wash or hose it off outside.

[Anonymous]

Rather than have assigned jobs, we both try to do about the same quantity of work on household chores. So after dinner, the one who did not cook, cleans up. Each night we have kid cleanup, wash up and bedtime routines, plus making lunches for the next day. We trade off who is doing what task, but we both keep pretty busy for about 2 hours after dinner with assorted tasks and we try to handle whatever tasks need to be done, whether than is loading/unloading the dishwasher, kids' laundry (we each do our own laundry), etc. If one of us has to work after dinner (it happens occasionally that one of us did not finish work projects/tasks before having to leave the office) then the other one continues the chores until done or until the first one finishes work and then pitches in to finish the daily chores.

It works better for us that we both work at whatever chores need to be done and if one feels the need to do a better job cleaning the counters (usually me), they do that and ht other will go and help the kids clean up the playroom, or whatever.