Difference of opinion on what makes a kitchen "clean"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the PPs are crazy. This is not a different cleaning standard issue. Chicken juice and grease on the floor is nasty. Clean that up.

I am one of the PPs and, to be honest, just don't totally believe that DH is leaving pools of chicken guts and large spills of grease on the floor. I am guessing it's really like the counters look hazy to OP and there are sometimes tiny dots of oil on the floor that the cleaning lady mops up every other week. Maybe this is projecting. If DH is literally leaving puddles of bacteria on the counter than of course he needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:greasy floors are a slip/fall risk. Chicken juice on the counter is a sanitation issue. This isn't just a question of how you prefer to load the spoons in the dishwasher, or what side of the sink to keep the sponge on.

No need to make a war about it though. Just have a sit down and discuss what it takes to get the kitchen to "all the way clean". If he's willing to do all of it, great. If he's not, offer to do the final tasks while he helps the kids brush their teeth and read a bedtime story.

It's a simple conversation.

Please don't use the phrase "all the way clean." Total toddler lecture.

My wife would say exactly the same thing about me. She hates when I cook because I don't clean to her standards. Here's the problem when it comes to the conversation: my wife is actually at least as bad at cleaning as me, she just cares about different crap than I do. I leave the counters less shiny than she does, because I use a sponge to make sure stuck in grime gets picked up. She gets them mirror clean by shining them with a paper towel, but when you run your hand over them, you feel the bits of food the paper towel didn't actually remove. I dirty more pans than she does, but I clean them up. She refuses to turn the heat all the way down when she simmers so she gets carbon buildup on our pans that I have to scrub off for an hour with barkeeper's friend. She claims I leave stuff on the dining room table instead of putting it away, but she keeps an entire basket of random shit directly on our counter. She claims it is "essentials for the baby" because it contains one small bag of wipes. It also has her sunglasses, some thank you cards she never sent, various diet water squirt flavors, and some nail files. I am pretty sure these are not for the baby. She also walks into the kitchen, sees the thing I forgot to clean, and in a pique walks by eight thing she herself left out to fix the one thing I fucked up.

So when she tries to explain to me that I don't understand the concept of cleaning, she kind of sounds like an asshole with no cognitive flexibility. If I being up the things I don't like, I'm changing the subject or dismissing her concerns. If I bring them up in an entirely different conversation, I am starting an argument for no reason. So instead I just clean the house to the standards I consider reasonable and let her do the same.

This is OP and I had to laugh at myself at this one. I totally do that too, and it is specifically a basket full of exactly the same things you describe: random bills, unopened and/or unsent mail, kids' junk I haven't made them put away yet. Okay so I do get your point and I acknowledge that I am a bit of a neat freak with blinders. You'll have to trust me that I have relaxed a lot since my DH and I got together and generally keep it moving forward in the face of former annoyances like socks under the coffee table, clothes on the bathroom floor, half-empty water bottles ALL over the house. And, DH does get around to picking those things up much of the time. The floors and counters really are a bone of contention for reasons others have stated, but I hear what you're saying.

Thanks to the other posters with empathy or specific tips. And please don't take this as a knock on DH's contribution to childcare. Like I said, we're all satisfied with the division of labor and I think that includes the kids (DD helps him cook, for example).

[Anonymous]

Umm as the pots and pans soak in the dishwater, I use a clean rag and wipe down spills and 100% of countertops. Takes 30 seconds more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:greasy floors are a slip/fall risk. Chicken juice on the counter is a sanitation issue. This isn't just a question of how you prefer to load the spoons in the dishwasher, or what side of the sink to keep the sponge on.

No need to make a war about it though. Just have a sit down and discuss what it takes to get the kitchen to "all the way clean". If he's willing to do all of it, great. If he's not, offer to do the final tasks while he helps the kids brush their teeth and read a bedtime story.

It's a simple conversation.

Please don't use the phrase "all the way clean." Total toddler lecture.

My wife would say exactly the same thing about me. She hates when I cook because I don't clean to her standards. Here's the problem when it comes to the conversation: my wife is actually at least as bad at cleaning as me, she just cares about different crap than I do. I leave the counters less shiny than she does, because I use a sponge to make sure stuck in grime gets picked up. She gets them mirror clean by shining them with a paper towel, but when you run your hand over them, you feel the bits of food the paper towel didn't actually remove. I dirty more pans than she does, but I clean them up. She refuses to turn the heat all the way down when she simmers so she gets carbon buildup on our pans that I have to scrub off for an hour with barkeeper's friend. She claims I leave stuff on the dining room table instead of putting it away, but she keeps an entire basket of random shit directly on our counter. She claims it is "essentials for the baby" because it contains one small bag of wipes. It also has her sunglasses, some thank you cards she never sent, various diet water squirt flavors, and some nail files. I am pretty sure these are not for the baby. She also walks into the kitchen, sees the thing I forgot to clean, and in a pique walks by eight thing she herself left out to fix the one thing I fucked up.

So when she tries to explain to me that I don't understand the concept of cleaning, she kind of sounds like an asshole with no cognitive flexibility. If I being up the things I don't like, I'm changing the subject or dismissing her concerns. If I bring them up in an entirely different conversation, I am starting an argument for no reason. So instead I just clean the house to the standards I consider reasonable and let her do the same.

This is OP and I had to laugh at myself at this one. I totally do that too, and it is specifically a basket full of exactly the same things you describe: random bills, unopened and/or unsent mail, kids' junk I haven't made them put away yet. Okay so I do get your point and I acknowledge that I am a bit of a neat freak with blinders. You'll have to trust me that I have relaxed a lot since my DH and I got together and generally keep it moving forward in the face of former annoyances like socks under the coffee table, clothes on the bathroom floor, half-empty water bottles ALL over the house. And, DH does get around to picking those things up much of the time. The floors and counters really are a bone of contention for reasons others have stated, but I hear what you're saying.

Thanks to the other posters with empathy or specific tips. And please don't take this as a knock on DH's contribution to childcare. Like I said, we're all satisfied with the division of labor and I think that includes the kids (DD helps him cook, for example).

....except you're NOT satisfied with the division of labor. Hope you can work it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the PPs are crazy. This is not a different cleaning standard issue. Chicken juice and grease on the floor is nasty. Clean that up.

I am one of the PPs and, to be honest, just don't totally believe that DH is leaving pools of chicken guts and large spills of grease on the floor. I am guessing it's really like the counters look hazy to OP and there are sometimes tiny dots of oil on the floor that the cleaning lady mops up every other week. Maybe this is projecting. If DH is literally leaving puddles of bacteria on the counter than of course he needs to stop.

This is OP. It's somewhere in the middle. It's definitely more like hazy counters than chicken guts, but more like greasy floors that show actual footprints in places than a few drops here and there. I don't view it as a biohazard, but I do view it as really gross.

Also, we already have an ant problem. I don't blame this on DH at all (it would definitely be all the crumbs our kids drop before anything he does) but I share this just to point out that it hasn't done much to alter his approach, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's to the point where you wish he'd just go simpler so you didn't have to deal with the aftermath, then nobody is going to be satisfied! I love to cook as well, but I also love to clean as I go and use as FEW pots/dishes as possible. To the point where it's a bit ridiculous. I also hate splatters and have to forcibly check myself not to clean stuff on the stove while the stove is, you know, on and cooking!

Maybe challenge him to find some one-pot recipes. See if he can challenge himself to use the minimum, and find in recipes the down-time where he can do a really good cleaning as he goes... I love challenging myself like that- maybe he will start to as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:greasy floors are a slip/fall risk. Chicken juice on the counter is a sanitation issue. This isn't just a question of how you prefer to load the spoons in the dishwasher, or what side of the sink to keep the sponge on.

No need to make a war about it though. Just have a sit down and discuss what it takes to get the kitchen to "all the way clean". If he's willing to do all of it, great. If he's not, offer to do the final tasks while he helps the kids brush their teeth and read a bedtime story.

It's a simple conversation.

Please don't use the phrase "all the way clean." Total toddler lecture.

My wife would say exactly the same thing about me. She hates when I cook because I don't clean to her standards. Here's the problem when it comes to the conversation: my wife is actually at least as bad at cleaning as me, she just cares about different crap than I do. I leave the counters less shiny than she does, because I use a sponge to make sure stuck in grime gets picked up. She gets them mirror clean by shining them with a paper towel, but when you run your hand over them, you feel the bits of food the paper towel didn't actually remove. I dirty more pans than she does, but I clean them up. She refuses to turn the heat all the way down when she simmers so she gets carbon buildup on our pans that I have to scrub off for an hour with barkeeper's friend. She claims I leave stuff on the dining room table instead of putting it away, but she keeps an entire basket of random shit directly on our counter. She claims it is "essentials for the baby" because it contains one small bag of wipes. It also has her sunglasses, some thank you cards she never sent, various diet water squirt flavors, and some nail files. I am pretty sure these are not for the baby. She also walks into the kitchen, sees the thing I forgot to clean, and in a pique walks by eight thing she herself left out to fix the one thing I fucked up.

So when she tries to explain to me that I don't understand the concept of cleaning, she kind of sounds like an asshole with no cognitive flexibility. If I being up the things I don't like, I'm changing the subject or dismissing her concerns. If I bring them up in an entirely different conversation, I am starting an argument for no reason. So instead I just clean the house to the standards I consider reasonable and let her do the same.

This is OP and I had to laugh at myself at this one. I totally do that too, and it is specifically a basket full of exactly the same things you describe: random bills, unopened and/or unsent mail, kids' junk I haven't made them put away yet. Okay so I do get your point and I acknowledge that I am a bit of a neat freak with blinders. You'll have to trust me that I have relaxed a lot since my DH and I got together and generally keep it moving forward in the face of former annoyances like socks under the coffee table, clothes on the bathroom floor, half-empty water bottles ALL over the house. And, DH does get around to picking those things up much of the time. The floors and counters really are a bone of contention for reasons others have stated, but I hear what you're saying.

Thanks to the other posters with empathy or specific tips. And please don't take this as a knock on DH's contribution to childcare. Like I said, we're all satisfied with the division of labor and I think that includes the kids (DD helps him cook, for example).

....except you're NOT satisfied with the division of labor. Hope you can work it out.

Okay, you're right. We WERE satisfied. I'm currently not satisfied. It takes a decent bit of time for me to clean, not just a quick counter wipe. We keep things on our counters (fruit bowl, coffee carafe, random junk) that has to be moved to wipe it down, and sometimes the floor needs two rounds with the Swiffer wet. Gotta cut through that grease and really get it up.

[Anonymous]

16:19 here. By the way, I wasn't trying to make it sound like there's nothing at all you can or should do. Even if your little basket is annoying, you can still ask him to clean differently. I'd just avoid a lecture about how one cleans and instead say something like "I really bothers me when the counters are still hazy and there is grease on the floor. I appreciate you making dinner, but really need you to go over these spots once more" or whatever. If you've already had this conversation, then the follow-up is "look, I get that this may not seem critical to you, but it does to me. This is something I need you to do to make me happy." He will probably act kind of annoyed and then do it. He may also throw back in your face something he wants you to do, and you might need to grin and bear it. It's where you explain the true meaning of "clean" that the argument will devolve.

[Anonymous]

Neither my husband nor I would be able to tolerate such an unhygienic kitchen. Grease on the floor makes it slippery. Meat juices lead to bacterial contamination. These are not cosmetic issues. He has to clean up correctly as he goes along. I would start micromanage him, and get really angry oi he had the gall to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:greasy floors are a slip/fall risk. Chicken juice on the counter is a sanitation issue. This isn't just a question of how you prefer to load the spoons in the dishwasher, or what side of the sink to keep the sponge on.

No need to make a war about it though. Just have a sit down and discuss what it takes to get the kitchen to "all the way clean". If he's willing to do all of it, great. If he's not, offer to do the final tasks while he helps the kids brush their teeth and read a bedtime story.

It's a simple conversation.

Please don't use the phrase "all the way clean." Total toddler lecture.

My wife would say exactly the same thing about me. She hates when I cook because I don't clean to her standards. Here's the problem when it comes to the conversation: my wife is actually at least as bad at cleaning as me, she just cares about different crap than I do. I leave the counters less shiny than she does, because I use a sponge to make sure stuck in grime gets picked up. She gets them mirror clean by shining them with a paper towel, but when you run your hand over them, you feel the bits of food the paper towel didn't actually remove. I dirty more pans than she does, but I clean them up. She refuses to turn the heat all the way down when she simmers so she gets carbon buildup on our pans that I have to scrub off for an hour with barkeeper's friend. She claims I leave stuff on the dining room table instead of putting it away, but she keeps an entire basket of random shit directly on our counter. She claims it is "essentials for the baby" because it contains one small bag of wipes. It also has her sunglasses, some thank you cards she never sent, various diet water squirt flavors, and some nail files. I am pretty sure these are not for the baby. She also walks into the kitchen, sees the thing I forgot to clean, and in a pique walks by eight thing she herself left out to fix the one thing I fucked up.

So when she tries to explain to me that I don't understand the concept of cleaning, she kind of sounds like an asshole with no cognitive flexibility. If I being up the things I don't like, I'm changing the subject or dismissing her concerns. If I bring them up in an entirely different conversation, I am starting an argument for no reason. So instead I just clean the house to the standards I consider reasonable and let her do the same.

I'm married to the male version of your wife. Especially the last paragraph. So infuriating.

[Anonymous]

My DH loves cooking too. He makes dinner for the most part. I do it like once a week.

But then I clean up from him while he does kiddie baths. Because by that point, I think he's kind of done being in the kitchen. So I'm not cleaning up a HUGE mess - he's done the bulk of it - but just the types of things you mention.

However, our division of labor is much more balanced than yours.

[Anonymous]

OP, invest in a large number of white bar mops/dish rags. Then put a bunch of them in a big jar where he can easily reach for them while cooking and cleaning. It makes it very easy to just grab a dry towel and quickly mop off the counter.

The key is to buy a bunch of them and make them conveniently available where he can grab one without having looking around.

[Anonymous]

Team You. Clean counters and floors are part of cleaning up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of the PPs are crazy. This is not a different cleaning standard issue. Chicken juice and grease on the floor is nasty. Clean that up.

This! My husband used to be like this too and I snapped that in the bud. No fucking way am I going to put up with that kind of bs. I'm not your mother or your maid. Clean up after yourself.

[Anonymous]

I cook and my husband helps clean up after. Why don't you help him clean?