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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Sorry, but you don't get to criticize each other's standards with the division of labor. [/b] You're going to drive each other nuts.  The poster above about the wife with blinders on really hit home.  I wouldn't notice slightly greasy floors.  I just wouldn't.  And if I cooked a glorious meal and cleaned up all of the dishes from it, you bet your bippy I'd be furious if my spouse came in and criticized my cleaning (while himself leaving a mess of a different sort like your clutter that would drive me nuts.)

So here's what you do.  It's simple:

"Phil, I love the meals you cook and generally think our division of labor us working out.  But I'm really nitpicky about the floors and counters, and I think it would drive us both bonkers if I micromanage your cleaning.  Could we come up with a fair trade so that I'd be in charge of floors and counters after you do the dishes?  Like, maybe you do lunches and I'll do final cleaning?"

You be in charge of this is your thing.  You're not going to change him, and he's not doing it wrong, any more than your clutter basket is wrong.  It's just different.  You want it your way, you do it.[/quote]

Are you crazy? YES you can! Fwiw, I am one of the PP who whipped her husband into shape. And it doesn't all flow in one direction either. He criticizes my efforts as well, if they are lacking. If you're not doing a good job, people should be able to tell you that without you getting bent out of shape about it. [/quote]

OP again. This is exactly the issue! I really strive to keep in mind the saying (which I got from dcum) that if you're doing it, you're doing it right. But at the same time, there are minimum standards below which it doesn't really count as doing it at all. The issue between me and my DH appears to be that we can't agree on where that line is and, further, that I firmly believe he is half-assing it sometimes and that makes me mad. He denies it but I know him pretty well by this point.

Spent 1/2 hour this evening straightening up and then cleaning after this weekend's cooking bonanza (which I didn't even get to enjoy because I was out of town). Thanks for these posts. I'm going to try some combo of the advice, once I stop being so annoyed. [/quote]

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