Is it normal to take multiple vacations but never visit family?

[Anonymous]

OP never said SIL dislikes her, that was a different poster.

Maybe posters should uses identifiers so that stories don't get mixed up. This happens a lot.

"Jan"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My IL's do this. It's fine if you don't want to visit, but stop saying that family is important to you or that you love us. I certainly can't say it back. Just admit that you would rather do something else, and you don't care about, or really even know, your family. Why keep up the ruse?

That's quite a leap, don't you think?

No. What's a leap is going from, "I have made small talk with you a few times at family get togethers and once or twice had a long conversation" to "I love you and our relationship is very important in my life."
If you are a nice person, you think "oh my god, I have to make more of an effort with this person, I am VERY Important to them." Then later you realize that they aren't really making an effort to see you, you aren't really that important, and it was all just bogus, so you might as well focus on the relationships that are actually meaningful.
I guess what I don't understand is, why the ruse? Is there some invisible audience I am unaware of? We don't love each other or have a meaningful relationship. We both know that (now). Who are you faking it for?

Exactly this. If someone/family is important, bottom line is you make the effort. Especially when time/money are not the concerns.

But don't keep up a charade of saying "family is important."

I would not visit martyrish an demanding people either. And you know damn well that if your family member sat you down and said they were not interested in a close relationship with you, you would be on here boo-hooing about it. Demanding people are never satisfied and there is no point in even trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My IL's do this. It's fine if you don't want to visit, but stop saying that family is important to you or that you love us. I certainly can't say it back. Just admit that you would rather do something else, and you don't care about, or really even know, your family. Why keep up the ruse?

That's quite a leap, don't you think?

No. What's a leap is going from, "I have made small talk with you a few times at family get togethers and once or twice had a long conversation" to "I love you and our relationship is very important in my life."
If you are a nice person, you think "oh my god, I have to make more of an effort with this person, I am VERY Important to them." Then later you realize that they aren't really making an effort to see you, you aren't really that important, and it was all just bogus, so you might as well focus on the relationships that are actually meaningful.
I guess what I don't understand is, why the ruse? Is there some invisible audience I am unaware of? We don't love each other or have a meaningful relationship. We both know that (now). Who are you faking it for?

Exactly this. If someone/family is important, bottom line is you make the effort. Especially when time/money are not the concerns.

But don't keep up a charade of saying "family is important."

I would not visit martyrish an demanding people either. And you know damn well that if your family member sat you down and said they were not interested in a close relationship with you, you would be on here boo-hooing about it. Demanding people are never satisfied and there is no point in even trying.

Um, one of these things is not like the other, pp. Damn you've got projection issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My IL's do this. It's fine if you don't want to visit, but stop saying that family is important to you or that you love us. I certainly can't say it back. Just admit that you would rather do something else, and you don't care about, or really even know, your family. Why keep up the ruse?

That's quite a leap, don't you think?

No. What's a leap is going from, "I have made small talk with you a few times at family get togethers and once or twice had a long conversation" to "I love you and our relationship is very important in my life."
If you are a nice person, you think "oh my god, I have to make more of an effort with this person, I am VERY Important to them." Then later you realize that they aren't really making an effort to see you, you aren't really that important, and it was all just bogus, so you might as well focus on the relationships that are actually meaningful.
I guess what I don't understand is, why the ruse? Is there some invisible audience I am unaware of? We don't love each other or have a meaningful relationship. We both know that (now). Who are you faking it for?

Exactly this. If someone/family is important, bottom line is you make the effort. Especially when time/money are not the concerns.

But don't keep up a charade of saying "family is important."

I would not visit martyrish an demanding people either. And you know damn well that if your family member sat you down and said they were not interested in a close relationship with you, you would be on here boo-hooing about it. Demanding people are never satisfied and there is no point in even trying.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would feel exactly the same way. It really bothers me that we always have to travel to see our family, and when we're there they have other priorities than seeing us. I'm over it and we aren't going to make all the effort anymore.

My husband's family is like this, and we stopped going to see them very often. They also often change or cancel plans on the way to see us. My DH thought this was normal until he realized the effort and time my family takes to be together and spend time together. When we show up at my folks house, which is only twice a year, it is like their world stopped for us. My DH has come to see what family does for family now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sibling and spouse take about 5 separate week-long Caribbean trips a year. They can afford it, they have the time, and that's great. Happy for them.

While they talk of visiting us (approx 1-hr direct flight) and talk of the importance of family/relatives, it never comes to fruition. Not for a single weekend, not for years. We visit about 2x annually.

Am I wrong to thing this seems maybe a little obnoxious?

Somewhat, yes. But, it sounds like you are visiting them, so they may not feel like they have to visit you. Do they live near the rest of the family? Are you going there to visit them and the rest of the family too? If so, they probably don't feel like they have to visit, especially if your home area is not a "vacation destination." 5 week-long Caribbean vacations a year is a lot, and that seems to be their priority.

I would just tell them you can not visit this year and see what happens.

[TwistdMike]

OP, do they own the property in the Caribbeans? If so, they may be trying to maximize their value and nothing personal towards family.

I agree with other posters, maybe plan a destination vacation as a family.

[Anonymous]

OP here. And they're traveling to the Caribbean again for Thanksgiving, have no interest in spending time with local family, or a very short travel to see us.

They do not own property there. This has got to be their 7th vacation this year?

And that's fine, but then don't say that family is important, and don't say that the cousins getting to know and spend time with one another is important, because that's bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. And they're traveling to the Caribbean again for Thanksgiving, have no interest in spending time with local family, or a very short travel to see us.

They do not own property there. This has got to be their 7th vacation this year?

And that's fine, but then don't say that family is important, and don't say that the cousins getting to know and spend time with one another is important, because that's bullshit.

Let it go.

[Anonymous]

We are in the same boat, OP. Not one damn visit in 14 years. We finally gave up in 2014 and stopped going up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. And they're traveling to the Caribbean again for Thanksgiving, have no interest in spending time with local family, or a very short travel to see us.

They do not own property there. This has got to be their 7th vacation this year?

And that's fine, but then don't say that family is important, and don't say that the cousins getting to know and spend time with one another is important, because that's bullshit.

We have family members like this. They don't always travel away on trips but they never seem to make time to see our side of the family. They do see their other side (who live much further away) more often. And always post "cousins are the best!" photos on FB. I was sad at first for my kids, but now I'm glad they spend time with friends and family who sincerely care about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. And they're traveling to the Caribbean again for Thanksgiving, have no interest in spending time with local family, or a very short travel to see us.

They do not own property there. This has got to be their 7th vacation this year?

And that's fine, but then don't say that family is important, and don't say that the cousins getting to know and spend time with one another is important, because that's bullshit.

We have family members like this. They don't always travel away on trips but they never seem to make time to see our side of the family. They do see their other side (who live much further away) more often. And always post "cousins are the best!" photos on FB. I was sad at first for my kids, but now I'm glad they spend time with friends and family who sincerely care about them.

^ and once I let go and stopped caring it made holidays MUCH easier.

[Anonymous]

I wish my inlaws would go on other trips and not spend so much time visiting us. I get critiqued and rude passive ahreeice comments from my MIL the whole time. Count yourselves lucky that you're not in my situation.

[Anonymous]

It seems that they are making an effort, they come twice a year. Doesn't sound like they have kids, do they? All the more reason to do as they please.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound jealous and needy. This is their seventh vacation this year? So? My sister earns ton of money, goes on vacations every other week, weekend ones and then several times a year long nice vacations. She doesn't live close and doesn't come to visit us. She has no kids and is married. I am happy for her and don't mind at all. I know she loves me and my kids and kids visit her and she takes them on very expensive trips. I don't mind again. Stop being needy and envious.