Does it help to hold back for a year?

[Anonymous]

Holding back to 'catch up' is not a good idea. It might never happen. Holding back to work on a specific skill makes more sense.

Sometimes kids with global delays 'catch up' but not to the extent that parents on this board think they will. & putting pressure on your kid to be 'normal' is a losing battle. We are who we are.

If you are holding back in hopes that you can avoid an IEP or the sting of sped- it's all about you and not the kid.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 4:38.

If you and the school identify specific skills/curriculum areas that your child needs time to develop, and the school has a plan (meet with the reading specialist; join a skills group, or whatever) then I think it makes total sense. But just being retained in order to get older is not a plan. Kids with global delays do not necessarily catch up. "The gift of time" is a huge myth. Kids who were behind the first year are often behind the second year as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we had our choice and there were no bullies in the world, and if he really wouldn't be damaged emotionally the way they are warning he would be, we would not only keep him from moving on to 6th grade this year but would possibly put him back in 4th. He just doesn't get it and can't do 4th or 5th grade math or ELA yet. Tiny for his age, too.

NP here. We held our delayed child back two years. He is 11 (turning 12 next month) and just finished fourth grade. It was the best decision in the world. He repeated his 3 year old pre-k year and then repeated the four year old pre-k year, which was absolutely the right thing for him. Academically, he is on par with most of his peers (though still gets a lot of sped support), and he is socially not so far behind most, whereas it would be a total joke if he were finishing sixth grade. DS is also tiny (followed by an endocrinologist, so very small) and given that, he would look really out of place (and would be at risk of even greater bullying) if he were that tiny and that delayed in sixth.

We have rehearsed and practiced the following line over and over, "I'm in the grade that's right for me." If another child challenges (and they do at times) by saying "why aren't you in sixth grade," we have taught DS to say "why does it matter to you?" Which usually ends the conversation.

DS has great self esteem, an absolutely incredible work ethic, and an extreme love of school - all of these, I think, come from feeling success in school and when peers. He would not have these I don't think if he had been pushed ahead of where he could handle developmentally.

[Anonymous]

With peers, not when peers.

[Anonymous]

In response to the person who asked about holding girls back, our DD is NT but was very shy and socially awkward as a young child. I used to think of her as a turtle who stuck her head out to look around and then pulled back into her shell. At the end of her 3 year old nursery year, the teacher suggested having her repeat it, and we did. At the end of her 4 year old year, she moved on to K, but at the end of that (she was now just turning six as a May birthday), the teachers told me she was not ready for first grade and they would not move her on. I was upset, but followed their advice. Oh my gosh were they right! The extra year in K gave her confidence - she went from being the youngest and littlest to bring the big girl who helped all her younger peers tie their aprons for painting and assisted others in the more complex tasks they had to do. She sailed to first grade the following year and has absolutely excelled socially and academically since. No one believes me when I tell them how shy and awkward she was because she is the model of poise and engagement.

Now, she was in a play-based preschool and kindergarten so she was focusing on building the social and emotional skills she needed, not solely academic skills. Academically she has always been strong and even advanced, so if your preschool and K are mainly about academics, then holding a child back who is academically strong would just make her bored and out of place. The reason the extra year benefitted DD was that she got to work on the social skills she needed in an environment that provided a lot of support and opportunity to take on leadership, which built confidence and ability.

DD was a bit bored in second and third grades at times but her teacher was great about giving her extra work. Once she hit fifth grade, with the option to be in advanced classes, all has been great academically, and she is soaring now as a rising 8th grader.

While DD was tall as a preschool and kindergartner, it has turned out that her development has been somewhat delayed so she is definitely in the right grade for her even though she is one of the oldest in her class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we had our choice and there were no bullies in the world, and if he really wouldn't be damaged emotionally the way they are warning he would be, we would not only keep him from moving on to 6th grade this year but would possibly put him back in 4th. He just doesn't get it and can't do 4th or 5th grade math or ELA yet. Tiny for his age, too.

NP here. We held our delayed child back two years. He is 11 (turning 12 next month) and just finished fourth grade. It was the best decision in the world. He repeated his 3 year old pre-k year and then repeated the four year old pre-k year, which was absolutely the right thing for him. Academically, he is on par with most of his peers (though still gets a lot of sped support), and he is socially not so far behind most, whereas it would be a total joke if he were finishing sixth grade. DS is also tiny (followed by an endocrinologist, so very small) and given that, he would look really out of place (and would be at risk of even greater bullying) if he were that tiny and that delayed in sixth.

We have rehearsed and practiced the following line over and over, "I'm in the grade that's right for me." If another child challenges (and they do at times) by saying "why aren't you in sixth grade," we have taught DS to say "why does it matter to you?" Which usually ends the conversation.

DS has great self esteem, an absolutely incredible work ethic, and an extreme love of school - all of these, I think, come from feeling success in school and when peers. He would not have these I don't think if he had been pushed ahead of where he could handle developmentally.

How delayed? Not trying to be snarky- but us global delay parents are in a different boat than parents of kids with a speech delay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If we had our choice and there were no bullies in the world, and if he really wouldn't be damaged emotionally the way they are warning he would be, we would not only keep him from moving on to 6th grade this year but would possibly put him back in 4th. He just doesn't get it and can't do 4th or 5th grade math or ELA yet. Tiny for his age, too.

NP here. We held our delayed child back two years. He is 11 (turning 12 next month) and just finished fourth grade. It was the best decision in the world. He repeated his 3 year old pre-k year and then repeated the four year old pre-k year, which was absolutely the right thing for him. Academically, he is on par with most of his peers (though still gets a lot of sped support), and he is socially not so far behind most, whereas it would be a total joke if he were finishing sixth grade. DS is also tiny (followed by an endocrinologist, so very small) and given that, he would look really out of place (and would be at risk of even greater bullying) if he were that tiny and that delayed in sixth.

We have rehearsed and practiced the following line over and over, "I'm in the grade that's right for me." If another child challenges (and they do at times) by saying "why aren't you in sixth grade," we have taught DS to say "why does it matter to you?" Which usually ends the conversation.

DS has great self esteem, an absolutely incredible work ethic, and an extreme love of school - all of these, I think, come from feeling success in school and when peers. He would not have these I don't think if he had been pushed ahead of where he could handle developmentally.

How delayed? Not trying to be snarky- but us global delay parents are in a different boat than parents of kids with a speech delay.

what definition of global delay are you using? my kid has speech/pragmatic issues, a big fine motor delay, and social issues. Is he globally delayed?