Does it help to hold back for a year?

[Anonymous]

Our DC has has 12- to 15-month developmental delays. For those who wanted to give their child extra time to catch up and kept him/her for an extra year in private pre-K instead of sending her/him to K, were you glad you did it?
Pros? Cons?
Please advise.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the delays. We held our child back and it was a huge mistake. Socially he acted much younger and he loved learning so he wasn't being challenged (language, fine motor issues). We bumped him up skipping a year and keeping him with older kids helped as he wanted to keep up with the other kids. If you kid knows their basics like colors, shapes, numbers, and alphabet, or more, send them. Best is a smaller private K. with 10-12 kids in a classroom, where they can get more support and attention, if you can afford it. Then, if they are still struggling transfer them to public where no one will know or send to 1st. Why not give them a chance to be successful and if it doesn't work, its ok, and try again next year. Most will tell you to hold back. We were pressured to do it. I wish I listened to my gut, which said not to.

[Anonymous]

So many people hold their typically developing kids, especially their boys, back in this area that I wouldn't think it would be an issue at all. We didn't even know about my DS's LD's until later, but now I'm glad we held him back. I don't see any reason (other than $one more year of preK) not to, esp if your preK teachers think it's a good idea.

[Anonymous]

I held my middle child back. He had developmental delays, speech issues, feeding issues and ADHD. It was a great decision. During the extra year, he made some big jumps in skills, though this was by far not his biggest period of advancement. Even with holding him back, he still needed an IEP and got tons of services. I think for him the extra year of maturity was most valuable when he transitioned to middle school. At that point, there are fewer opportunities for support and so having the maturity to manage things independently has been really helpful to his success. Another time when I thought, whew, glad we held him back was that point at which kids read to learn as opposed to learn to read, which happens about third grade. He would not have been ready for this had we not held him back.

One advantage I had in making a decision is he is not my oldest, so I knew what to expect of school.

[Anonymous]

Not in our case, but like PPs said, it really depends on the child.

DC1 is an ex-preemie who was globally delayed and repeated K on the advice of the ped and preK teacher. 2 years later he was skipped ahead because he was bored. It turns out he has severe ADHD with learning disabilities and is also gifted - very difficult combo to educate. So right now he's with similar-aged peers, and has an IEP and may go into a special GT/LD program.

[Anonymous]

And he's tiny. TINY. But we can't make dumb it down for him just because he's two sizes smaller than his peers.

[Anonymous]

My ADHD son is really really small but he needs to be with his peers (on time) because he is at or above for academics. It's really hard for him to be small and kids do say stuff to him, but he would be small in the year below too

[Anonymous]

We held back for our ASD child and it has been great. He can read, writes, adds... But couldn't sit with other kids in a group. Didn't interact socially with peers. The extra year is really helping. Starts K next year when he will be 6. Great decision for us. We had another year of focusing on soft skills. I worked on academic skills at home with DC. So u don't feel DC has lost anything.

[Anonymous]

We held back our ASD kid, even before we had a diagnosis. His birthday is such that he would have been among the youngest in his class, and we knew that he didn't have the social skills to navigate that, especially as everyone got older. He's now in 3rd grade and it's clear (academically and socially) that it was a good choice.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the child, but also what services you have access to. I held my son back partly because I knew our private services and preschool were way better than what the school system would offer. If I hadn't had access to any other services, though, I'm not sure that I would have held back. Will your child still receive intervention if you hold him/her back a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the child, but also what services you have access to. I held my son back partly because I knew our private services and preschool were way better than what the school system would offer. If I hadn't had access to any other services, though, I'm not sure that I would have held back. Will your child still receive intervention if you hold him/her back a year?

This is a good point. We did everything privately and were trying to figure out what to do at 5 when we held back. We did find a private eventually that took him. The public refused to help (although now I learned they should have provided services) at 5.

[Anonymous]

We did this and it was the best thing for DS. She is grossly immature and is currently middle of the pack for academics. Honestly he could not keep up socially or academically with his chronological age peers. Plus she has friends and is extremely happy.

[Anonymous]

She should be he.

[Anonymous]

As PPs have said, depends on the kid and you probably won't know if it was the right decision (whatever you decide) until the kid is older. My oldest is now in 7th grade and is pretty much caught up - even taking some honors classes. Glad we didn't hold him back. My youngest is 4th grade and he's nowhere near catching up. I wish we'd held him back.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone ever hold a girl back? You always hear about boys being red-shirted or held back but rarely ever do you hear about girls.