He Wasn't Supposed To Date a Hot Preschool Teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add insult to injury, who was introduced to him by one of his college fraternity brothers who grew up in this area. He was supposed to hit bottom, face his abuse and addiction, and try to reconcile the marriage. Everyone said, "Just wait until he sees what is in the post-divorce dating pool. Bwahaha. He'll realize what he's done and change."

Why is it abusers always seem to win somehow? If he is with her how he was with me, she won't see the abuse until AFTER they get married. I swear to God, it was like somebody flipped a switch at the stroke of midnight on our wedding day, and it got worse and worse over time. Took me 20 years to get out.

I wish I had friends from the area to introduce me to a hot future husband, but my luck doesn't run that way. Off to lick my wounds and create a good life for myself and my kids for the 50% that I have them.

Not that she will listen, but have you ever considered telling her about the abuse you have been through with him? May save her a lot of grief down the road and then you will feel that you have helped someone out instead of feeling like he got away with something. If she marries him and he pulls the same thing on her, she is going to wish someone had said something to her early on. Plus even if she doesn't listen to you it will always be in the back of her mind and if it starts up she will know to get out.

I would FB her or tell her as a courtesy, and what a decent person should do. If she has any documentation then I would give that to her. It's on her what she chooses to do, but I would be happy to be rid of a scumbag like that, and enjoy the 50% childless opportunity to enjoy my life with friends, dates, traveling, new hobbies, etc. OP chose to waste a lot of years with this loser, but she got out while she is still young while many don't.

You are nuts, PP. You don't do that when there is an abuser in the mix. You are asking for a huge amount of drama. If she believes you and you break up the relationship, the abuser may target you for punishment. That could get really violent. If she doesn't believe you and it doesn't break up the relationship, you look crazy and have ruined any relationship you might have with her in the future. If she ends up being a step-mom to your kids, that is going to be a mess.

If asked, you tell her. If she doesn't ask, you don't tell her. You aren't responsible for saving people from your exes. You have to protect yourself from that guy.

Don't agree at all. If he tries some abuse now while her ex he can just be arrested and put in jail, where he probably needs to be anyway. Stop living in fear of this ass do the right thing by this woman. Your intent doesn't need to be to breakup the relationship, it should be about doing a solid for another woman who may be walking into a bad situation blindly. You don't have to tell her about him with your hair on fire, it can be a civilized, just passing information along conversation.

[Anonymous]

Life is not fair.
My best friend's husband left his wife because she decided to keep their baby. He has said he did not want any children but never said it was a deal-breaker. His logic was that when a woman decides not to be a mother, she can do so, while men who refuse to be a dad do not have the same choice.

Less than two years later, he married a single mom and is in the process of adopting her two children while he barely sees his own flesh and blood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your venom doesn't hurt anybody but you. You won't find happines until you let go of your misery. Move on already.

You should go on the family and parenting forum. A lot of glutton's for punishment. They always use the kids as the excuse to harass the ex and new partner.

Sadly, I agree that this is a far more common scenario than the proverbial well-intentioned ex-wife with photos of her bruises. This happens like... never. The poor woman is so relieved to be rid of her abuser, it won't occurr to her in her worst nightmares to keep tabs on his personal life and shoo away his girlsfriends!

[Anonymous]

Christ almighty, walk away. Don't stalk on Facebook, don't try to contact trophy wife. Don't torment people complaining about a guy that you've already divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is not fair.
My best friend's husband left his wife because she decided to keep their baby. He has said he did not want any children but never said it was a deal-breaker. His logic was that when a woman decides not to be a mother, she can do so, while men who refuse to be a dad do not have the same choice.

Less than two years later, he married a single mom and is in the process of adopting her two children while he barely sees his own flesh and blood.

If he didn't get fixed or failed to use a condom he also planned to have this child. He used that as an excuse because he wanted out, it was going to happen. He won't be there either for his new wife when times get tough or he wants out. Karma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add insult to injury, who was introduced to him by one of his college fraternity brothers who grew up in this area. He was supposed to hit bottom, face his abuse and addiction, and try to reconcile the marriage. Everyone said, "Just wait until he sees what is in the post-divorce dating pool. Bwahaha. He'll realize what he's done and change."

Why is it abusers always seem to win somehow? If he is with her how he was with me, she won't see the abuse until AFTER they get married. I swear to God, it was like somebody flipped a switch at the stroke of midnight on our wedding day, and it got worse and worse over time. Took me 20 years to get out.

I wish I had friends from the area to introduce me to a hot future husband, but my luck doesn't run that way. Off to lick my wounds and create a good life for myself and my kids for the 50% that I have them.

Not that she will listen, but have you ever considered telling her about the abuse you have been through with him? May save her a lot of grief down the road and then you will feel that you have helped someone out instead of feeling like he got away with something. If she marries him and he pulls the same thing on her, she is going to wish someone had said something to her early on. Plus even if she doesn't listen to you it will always be in the back of her mind and if it starts up she will know to get out.

#1000


I would FB her or tell her as a courtesy, and what a decent person should do. If she has any documentation then I would give that to her. It's on her what she chooses to do, but I would be happy to be rid of a scumbag like that, and enjoy the 50% childless opportunity to enjoy my life with friends, dates, traveling, new hobbies, etc. OP chose to waste a lot of years with this loser, but she got out while she is still young while many don't.

You are nuts, PP. You don't do that when there is an abuser in the mix. You are asking for a huge amount of drama. If she believes you and you break up the relationship, the abuser may target you for punishment. That could get really violent. If she doesn't believe you and it doesn't break up the relationship, you look crazy and have ruined any relationship you might have with her in the future. If she ends up being a step-mom to your kids, that is going to be a mess.

If asked, you tell her. If she doesn't ask, you don't tell her. You aren't responsible for saving people from your exes. You have to protect yourself from that guy.

Don't agree at all. If he tries some abuse now while her ex he can just be arrested and put in jail, where he probably needs to be anyway. Stop living in fear of this ass do the right thing by this woman. Your intent doesn't need to be to breakup the relationship, it should be about doing a solid for another woman who may be walking into a bad situation blindly. You don't have to tell her about him with your hair on fire, it can be a civilized, just passing information along conversation.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I have no doubt that if I left, my lazy, fat DH would suddenly shape up and find some adoring young girlfriend who somehow comanded more respect from him than I do. But you know what - leaving would be its own reward. Focus on what YOU have gained. He is still a miserable dick no matter who he can com next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I have no doubt that if I left, my lazy, fat DH would suddenly shape up and find some adoring young girlfriend who somehow comanded more respect from him than I do. But you know what - leaving would be its own reward. Focus on what YOU have gained. He is still a miserable dick no matter who he can com next.

Yep, this OP.
Moving on with your life and helping your children do the same is it's own reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP. I have no doubt that if I left, my lazy, fat DH would suddenly shape up and find some adoring young girlfriend who somehow comanded more respect from him than I do. But you know what - leaving would be its own reward. Focus on what YOU have gained. He is still a miserable dick no matter who he can com next.

So why don't you leave your lazy, fat DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add insult to injury, who was introduced to him by one of his college fraternity brothers who grew up in this area. He was supposed to hit bottom, face his abuse and addiction, and try to reconcile the marriage. Everyone said, "Just wait until he sees what is in the post-divorce dating pool. Bwahaha. He'll realize what he's done and change."

Why is it abusers always seem to win somehow? If he is with her how he was with me, she won't see the abuse until AFTER they get married. I swear to God, it was like somebody flipped a switch at the stroke of midnight on our wedding day, and it got worse and worse over time. Took me 20 years to get out.

I wish I had friends from the area to introduce me to a hot future husband, but my luck doesn't run that way. Off to lick my wounds and create a good life for myself and my kids for the 50% that I have them.

I so relate to this, OP. Except swap hot preschool teacher for hot doctor. And 20 years for 23. Ugh.

You know this already but, really, all you can do is focus on yourself and your kids. And remember that you DON'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM.

Can't be a doctor at 20! At the most pre-med undergrad?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I do have photos of the bruises. But it is not my business what he does except to the extent he does something that hurts the kids. I am not stalking. He asked to remain Facebook friends. I did but I don't follow him so he can see the pics of the kids I post but I don't see his posts. He called me up to ask me to look at a post he made about a sports competition he was in. That's how I found out. I have no intention of contacting anyone. His entire family is in denial and shunning me even though they were originally involved in the addiction intervention attempts, so I know to keep my mouth shut. I learned that the hard way.

I keep a picture I have of when things were at their absolute worst before I got out. I out earn him, I do well with attracting interest in dating (not that I am very interested in it) and I have a good job. I also have a very close relationship with my kids and many friends and a supportive family. Yet that doesn't mean there are not moments when I still wish my marriage worked out and that he had been able to face what he needed to. Sometimes, in those moments, I look at that picture. Other times, I vent on DCUM. Someday maybe I will be over it, but I think life will always be a little bit grey for me. I really believed I was marrying the best guy in the world, you know? And then it became a nightmare. That's what abusers do - convince you the best guy in the world is the real guy and the other stuff is an aberration, when they are actually both parts of the same guy and you don't get one without the other. As someone said in another thread, abusers also tend to pick ultra-committed people. That's me. That's how you spend 20 years (or more, as someone else did) trying to make the unworkable work.

[Anonymous]

OP a lot of people do.

Get him off your FB, and forget his family. Be grateful to be rid of the entire thing. If you want your next relationship to last best to sever ties now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add insult to injury, who was introduced to him by one of his college fraternity brothers who grew up in this area. He was supposed to hit bottom, face his abuse and addiction, and try to reconcile the marriage. Everyone said, "Just wait until he sees what is in the post-divorce dating pool. Bwahaha. He'll realize what he's done and change."

Why is it abusers always seem to win somehow? If he is with her how he was with me, she won't see the abuse until AFTER they get married. I swear to God, it was like somebody flipped a switch at the stroke of midnight on our wedding day, and it got worse and worse over time. Took me 20 years to get out.

I wish I had friends from the area to introduce me to a hot future husband, but my luck doesn't run that way. Off to lick my wounds and create a good life for myself and my kids for the 50% that I have them.

I so relate to this, OP. Except swap hot preschool teacher for hot doctor. And 20 years for 23. Ugh.

You know this already but, really, all you can do is focus on yourself and your kids. And remember that you DON'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM.

Can't be a doctor at 20! At the most pre-med undergrad?

They are talking years of marriage not age...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To add insult to injury, who was introduced to him by one of his college fraternity brothers who grew up in this area. He was supposed to hit bottom, face his abuse and addiction, and try to reconcile the marriage. Everyone said, "Just wait until he sees what is in the post-divorce dating pool. Bwahaha. He'll realize what he's done and change."

Why is it abusers always seem to win somehow? If he is with her how he was with me, she won't see the abuse until AFTER they get married. I swear to God, it was like somebody flipped a switch at the stroke of midnight on our wedding day, and it got worse and worse over time. Took me 20 years to get out.

I wish I had friends from the area to introduce me to a hot future husband, but my luck doesn't run that way. Off to lick my wounds and create a good life for myself and my kids for the 50% that I have them.

You sound just like my husband's ex wife. We've been married almost a decade now, and she is still very, very bitter that he married someone younger, prettier, and is happy. And no, he's not abusive to me at all nor has he ever been.

I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you. You're getting older every day.

[Anonymous]

OP, you could find another man within two hours. Leave it be.