Reply to He Wasn't Supposed To Date a Hot Preschool Teacher

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To add insult to injury, who was introduced to him by one of his college fraternity brothers who grew up in this area.  He was supposed to hit bottom, face his abuse and addiction, and try to reconcile the marriage.  Everyone said, "Just wait until he sees what is in the post-divorce dating pool. Bwahaha.  He'll realize what he's done and change."

Why is it abusers always seem to win somehow? If he is with her how he was with me, she won't see the abuse until AFTER they get married.  I swear to God, it was like somebody flipped a switch at the stroke of midnight on our wedding day, and it got worse and worse over time.  Took me 20 years to get out.

I wish I had friends from the area to introduce me to a hot future husband, but my luck doesn't run that way.  Off to lick my wounds and create a good life for myself and my kids for the 50% that I have them.[/quote]

Not that she will listen, but have you ever considered telling her about the abuse you have been through with him? May save her a lot of grief down the road and then you will feel that you have helped someone out instead of feeling like he got away with something. If she marries him and he pulls the same thing on her, she is going to wish someone had said something to her early on. Plus even if she doesn't listen to you it will always be in the back of her mind and if it starts up she will know to get out.[/quote]

#1000

I would FB her or tell her as a courtesy, and what a decent person should do.  If she has any documentation then I would give that to her.  It's on her what she chooses to do, but I would be happy to be rid of a scumbag like that, and enjoy the 50% childless opportunity to enjoy my life with friends, dates, traveling, new hobbies, etc.  OP chose to waste a lot of years with this loser, but she got out while she is still young while many don't.

[/quote]

You are nuts, PP.  You don't do that when there is an abuser in the mix.  You are asking for a huge amount of drama. If she believes you and you break up the relationship, the abuser may target you for punishment. That could get really violent.  If she doesn't believe you and it doesn't break up the relationship, you look crazy and have ruined any relationship you might have with her in the future.  If she ends up being a step-mom to your kids, that is going to be a mess.

If asked, you tell her. If she doesn't ask, you don't tell her.  You aren't responsible for saving people from your exes. You have to protect yourself from that guy.

[/quote]

Don't agree at all. If he tries some abuse now while her ex he can just be arrested and put in jail, where he probably needs to be anyway. Stop living in fear of this ass do the right thing by this woman. Your intent doesn't need to be to breakup the relationship, it should be about doing a solid for another woman who may be walking into a bad situation blindly. You don't have to tell her about him with your hair on fire, it can be a civilized, just passing information along conversation. [/quote][/quote]

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